Author Topic: Ultimate Swiss army knife  (Read 8147 times)

Offline nimzy88

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Ultimate Swiss army knife
« on: June 17, 2011, 04:04:23 AM »
http://www.amazon.com/Wenger-16999-Giant-Swiss-Knife/dp/B001DZTJRQ/ref=pd_sim_sbs_MI_1

please tell me someone has one is can do a review, I'm waiting for the tsp edition before I get one; I can actually say its the only tool you would need for a the job. Some of the reviews are pretty good on the bottom of the Amazon page.


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Offline nimzy88

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Re: Ultimate Swiss army knife
« Reply #1 on: June 17, 2011, 04:04:59 AM »
Plus amazon gives you a pretty good discount so whats not to love lol

The inventive geniuses for the lower class criminals are
generally professional criminals, while the inventive geniuses for many kinds of white-collar crime are generally lawyers
Edwin Sutherland "White-Collar Criminality" (1940)

One Life One Chance. So make the most of every moment. No regrets only lessons learned

Offline Veritas

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Re: Ultimate Swiss army knife
« Reply #2 on: June 17, 2011, 07:25:40 AM »
What a monstrosity! Ugly and expensive, just like divorce.
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Offline archer

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Re: Ultimate Swiss army knife
« Reply #3 on: June 17, 2011, 10:23:39 AM »
need a separate BoV just to carry that monster


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Offline ncjeeper

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Re: Ultimate Swiss army knife
« Reply #4 on: June 17, 2011, 01:14:22 PM »
Wheres the chainsaw? :D
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Offline 4bull

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Re: Ultimate Swiss army knife
« Reply #5 on: June 17, 2011, 03:27:43 PM »
Wow , ah nope, you can buy this but they will not sell the lockit to us ?
lockit is a locksmiths dream .

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Re: Ultimate Swiss army knife
« Reply #6 on: June 20, 2011, 08:01:16 AM »
If that wasn't on amazon, I would have accused it of being a photoshop. That looks absolutely useless.

Offline Samson

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Re: Ultimate Swiss army knife
« Reply #7 on: October 06, 2011, 05:49:21 PM »
If that wasn't on amazon, I would have accused it of being a photoshop. That looks absolutely useless.
I HAVE seen that before somewhere else and I thought it WAS a photoshop.  I don't even know what to say...

Offline jaegersapper

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Re: Ultimate Swiss army knife
« Reply #8 on: November 06, 2011, 07:30:48 PM »
Good grief.  My pockets aren't near deep enough or big enough for that beast.


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Offline Mortie

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Re: Ultimate Swiss army knife
« Reply #9 on: November 06, 2011, 07:57:40 PM »
Very clearly a joke. Read the reviews on Amazon. I guess they have a sense of humor.

Offline randelw

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Re: Ultimate Swiss army knife
« Reply #10 on: November 08, 2011, 03:24:24 PM »
 :) This is a review from someone on Amazon. Very entertaining.

First of all, let me tell you a little about myself and how I came to need such mystical tools of survival.

In the beginning, I was born from the ashes of Lincoln and Roosevelt then raised by Hemingway, a troop of firefighters, and werewolves. I was taught to fight evil of all forms from politics to the undead. I can tell you from experience, there has never been a tool half as useful as the Wenger - The Giant Knife. Let me give you a brief example from yesterday:

I woke up after my amazing night's rest in the Wenger's king size murphy bed (with satin sheets). Once the women were dressed and out the door, I made coffee from the Wenger's cappuccino machine. Then I headed out the door, Wenger in hand.

I came across a two old women selling crochet crosses. I pulled my Wenger out of my pants to get to my wallet. The ladies saw this and died in ecstasy just at the size of my Wenger. Now Armed with two crochet crosses, I went to the cave.

This cave was the home of a 58 mouthed snake that looked more like a chainsaw blade than a snake. After traveling 5 miles on the Wenger's hoverboard, I reached the treasure surrounded by the serrated beast. I unfolded my 3 Spartan army and easy bake oven from the Wenger and went into battle. After 15 minutes, the 3 Spartan's had dismantled the toothy monster's 58 mouths just as my cupcakes were ready. The four of us enjoyed my marbled chocolate-vanilla cupcakes (with sprinkles) while counting the treasure and mocking the mouthless snake that lay before us.

After counting the treasure, I pulled out the Wenger's Millennium Falcon and obliterated the Spartans. Seriously, I obliterated Spartans with the Wenger. I think that alone is enough reason to get one! Anyway, Spartans suck at sharing.

I flew out of the cave in the Wenger's Millennium Falcon and crossed the River of Desolation just east of The Mountain of Despair. I was hungry, so I pulled out the Wenger's giant spider legion and they shot down 4 flying dragons with their dark matter tusk lasers. It was pretty cool. Lunch was alright.

I remembered the crocheted crosses the old ladies left me. Their memory should be honored. So, I went to my local vampire castle. If you know anything about Twilight, then you know that everything you once knew about vampires is completely wrong. Inside the castle, there were dozens of tragically fake "glistening" vampires pining over this wimpy goth chick. The tension and virginity was so thick and everlasting that the only thing I could do was slay them all. I pulled out the Wenger's entertainment system and played the first Twilight movie. Mission... accomplished. I put the two crocheted crosses over the Vampire King's eyes. "You're welcome, old broads."

Now that I'm exceedingly bored, I pulled out the Wenger's hot air balloon and went to the moon. Moon men are pretty cool dudes.

I got to the moon just in time to catch the double sunset. I pulled out New York City from the Wenger and sat in the crown of the Statue of Liberty watching the Moon's double sunset with some chicks I found and a couple moon men drinking burnt martinis. Again, moon men are pretty cool dudes.

We partied all night inside this sweet party tent in the Wenger. Chicks love party tents. You wouldn't think a full wet bar would be something you'd ever use in a pocket knife, but it really comes in handy. And it makes the Wenger - The Giant Knife worth it, even if you don't drink.

That's all I can remember from yesterday. The pictures afterward were hilarious. I almost lost it when the penguins arrived. I must of gotten the Extreme Wenger because I didn't know the Arctic Circle was one of the tools. But even if you don't get a Wenger with the Arctic Circle... still worth getting. I highly recommend it.
I have a riddle: If you're going down a river at 2 mph and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need to re-shingle your roof?

Offline nimzy88

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Re: Ultimate Swiss army knife
« Reply #11 on: December 13, 2011, 08:44:55 PM »
So I know this is real, I was watching Storage Wars Texas on A&E and there was actually one of these knives in one of the units. Ha it was crazy. The episode I think is called Bounty Hunter Bubba Fett, if anyone wants to try to look it up

The inventive geniuses for the lower class criminals are
generally professional criminals, while the inventive geniuses for many kinds of white-collar crime are generally lawyers
Edwin Sutherland "White-Collar Criminality" (1940)

One Life One Chance. So make the most of every moment. No regrets only lessons learned

Offline arrowbreaker

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Re: Ultimate Swiss army knife
« Reply #12 on: May 03, 2012, 06:55:07 AM »
I never understood these - other than for the manufacturer to show off their bits and pieces or for collectors
stupidly expensive and too awkward to actually use - and that goes for some of the supposedly realistic ones - my Dad has a Victorinox thats not quite 2" thick and it's just too much.  Awkard having the main blade so far from the centre of what you are holding etc.

I like my Victorinox Soldier knife :)

Offline inconel710

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Re: Ultimate Swiss army knife
« Reply #13 on: October 19, 2013, 10:40:18 PM »
I had a Swiss Army Champ (only 32 tools) when I was a teenager.  It was gone (I don't remember where) within a couple of years because it was ridiculous heavy.  I carry a SAK Pioneer most days now (six tools).  It will probably be exchanged for a Farmer (seven tools) because I want the saw.
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Offline flippydidit

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Re: Ultimate Swiss army knife
« Reply #14 on: October 20, 2013, 10:52:00 AM »
My favorite comment.

"Pros- I bought this knife for the awl. So far the awl has met - and indeed exceeded - my expectations. It has made proper holes in everything I have awled so far. I would buy it again.

Cons- No lanyard hole, and the included awl won't reach around to make one."
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Offline soupbone

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Re: Ultimate Swiss army knife
« Reply #15 on: October 20, 2013, 08:09:18 PM »
You guys just don't know how to use that thing - you open up everything and use it as a ninja throwing star. I don't own one, but I've heard that it's very effective when used in that manner.

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