The Survival Podcast Forum

Survivalism & Self Sufficiency Topics => Lady Survivors => Topic started by: Heavy G on January 22, 2012, 05:41:59 AM

Title: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on January 22, 2012, 05:41:59 AM
This thread is a little like Dear Abby, but better.  Because in this column the ladies (and men) of TSP can see what guys really think.  That's 'cause I keep it real here. 

The first question was PM'd to me by an unnamed TSPer.  He asks, "I have a slight cold that my wife doesn't know about yet.  She wants to have sex, but I'm concerned I might give her my cold.  Should I say 'yes'?"

Answer: Of course.  It's sex we're talking about.  Go for it, bro.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Roundabouts on January 22, 2012, 06:56:56 AM
OMG I am Laughing so hard. :rofl:   Good advice!!    Ok I got one for you. 

Hubby and the lights. I swear I watch him walk into a room turn the lights on and then walk out!! Even in the day light.  Yesterday I followed him around and kept shutting lights off.   When it's 28F out side he will leave the door open.  UGH  :pissed: Dang it honey shut the dam lights off poop a gold nugget to pay for it or get a second job.  He just says did I do that?  I am so tempted to have him wear his flash light baseball cap all the time on high beams. 

For those that have not seen them yet Lowe's had some baseball caps that have LED lights in the bill  I just love that hat.  Now he can see hands free when he goes out to the barn.  No more stepping in poo along the way.  Small victories

T
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on January 22, 2012, 08:11:16 AM
Roundabouts:  Try this.  "Hey, honey, if the lights are on and it's cold it's harder to ... you know."

I guarantee that the lights will be off and the doors closed.  It's how men are.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: cheryl1 on January 22, 2012, 09:27:24 AM
I wore my husband's coat out when I gathered the eggs yesterday and accidently left an egg in a pocket. Now he's upset because he reached into his pocket and came out with a handful of smashed egg. I washed the coat, but he's still a little irritated with me. How can I make it up to him?


Oh wait...he already ate a sandwich so he must be wanting the other thing.  ;D
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: FrugalFannie on January 22, 2012, 10:33:45 AM
isn't the point of a 'dear abby column' to help with anonimity? ???

and Heavy G playing the role of Dear Abby? Well, thanks, I needed a good laugh today. ;D
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: TexasGirl on January 22, 2012, 10:44:20 AM
I'm hoping "Dear Abner" would be more appropriate. 

I can just imagine Dear Abby in a frilly little skirt answering emails at her computer, and would hate for Heavy G's wife to see him that way...

~TG
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on January 22, 2012, 10:57:05 AM

How can I make it up to him?

Oh wait...he already ate a sandwich so he must be wanting the other thing.  ;D


You are wise, Cheryl1.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on January 22, 2012, 10:58:22 AM

isn't the point of a 'dear abby column' to help with anonimity? ???


Send a PM.  I won't say who it is.  (Note: the next person to send me a PM with an embarrassing question is NOT PennyPincher.)
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on January 22, 2012, 10:59:36 AM

I can just imagine Dear Abby in a frilly little skirt answering emails at her computer, and would hate for Heavy G's wife to see him that way...


My goal is to get some lovin' from Mrs. Heavy G, not make her throw up.  Barf breath is not sexy.  I tolerated making out with a woman who just barfed, but that was in college.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: FrugalFannie on January 22, 2012, 11:15:35 AM
Send a PM.  I won't say who it is.  (Note: the next person to send me a PM with an embarrassing question is NOT PennyPincher.)

LOL

My husband has been with me almost 20 years (2+ 17, almost 18, married) the only advice I need is to keep hanging on because I am the luckiest girl in the world!
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: DocRokRx on January 23, 2012, 01:06:20 AM
She wants to have sex, but I'm concerned I might give her my cold.  Should I say 'yes'?"
Answer: Of course.  It's sex we're talking about.  Go for it, bro.

Thats why they invented the "hooker rule", you know- no kissing on the mouth, no eye contact...
its all good  8)
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Dawgus on January 23, 2012, 03:48:44 AM
Dear Mr G-

 It's winter here in Ohio. Translated, that means 4 days of snow followed by 3 days of rain, followed by 2 days of snow...you get the picture. My wife works in an office and wears heels. She complains every day about walking 40 feet to the car, and either getting her feet wet, or mud on her shoes. I've suggested wearing boots and changing her shoes at work, but her response is always "I'm only walking back and forth to the car", followed by a 3 minute tirade on muddy or wet feet/shoes.  :o

 How can I convince her that those silly boots, that she will gladly wear to shovel snow, will also keep her feet warm and dry when going to work? Is there some mental block with common sense when wearing makeup and a skirt? Is there some sort of mind control drug in her makeup products that keep her from realizing the obvious? Would a tin foil hat in the mornings stop these evil mind rays from confusing her?

 Help me Mr G. You're my only hope.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on January 23, 2012, 05:15:02 AM
Hmmm, Dawgus.  You have presented me with a very difficult problem.  That's because most of the time it's women asking how to get their husbands to do something ... and that answer is so easy.

But I will apply the same principle here: withhold sex from her unless she wears boots.  Try that out.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Docwatmo on January 23, 2012, 05:19:38 AM

But I will apply the same principle here: withhold sex from her unless she wears boots.  Try that out.

BAD ADVICE.  I've been doing this for 16 years and it still hasn't worked.   :-[ :P
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: TexDaddy on January 23, 2012, 07:27:10 AM
BAD ADVICE....
For once, I agree with Doc.  :o
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: cheryl1 on January 23, 2012, 07:39:06 AM
Most of the time when women complain, they just want you to listen, not jump in with solutions. She knows boots will keep her feet dry, she's not an idiot.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: bdhutier on January 23, 2012, 08:16:44 AM
Besides, why would you encourage her to take the heels off???  (http://serve.mysmiley.net/love/love0030.gif)

 ;D
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: TexasGirl on January 23, 2012, 08:50:32 AM
Cheryl1 is quite right.  When Mrs Dawg comes home all cold and wet announcing those aching feet, have you tried giving a loving hug and say something like "I'm so sorry!"  Maybe later, a relaxing foot massage with coconut oil might help her distress.

Then again, Mrs Dawg might be attentive to outward appearances and consider practical boots to be frumpy with business attire.  If that's the case, maybe a $hopping trip i$ in order for $ome cute little $now boot$ that would look nice.  Never hurts to offer.

~TG



Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: cheryl1 on January 23, 2012, 08:52:45 AM
Oooohhh, shopping-good idea!
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on January 23, 2012, 10:23:58 AM
This one came in by PM:

"When I rub my wife's feet, her response is "okay, what did you do wrong?" or "I know what you want".

Now of course, we all know that I want the goods, but I don't want it to look like those are my intentions.  I'm okay rubbing her feet a few times during movies nights and falling asleep when my head hits the pillow.  I figure that I'm building up credit.  The question is, how long are those credits good for?  Just curious.

Curious from Colorado."

What is the square root of -1?  It is the impossible, unsolvable puzzle.  There is no answer to your question.

Basically, foot rubbing is an acceptable way of proposing some love.  It's much better than sending her a text that says, "Wanna &*#%?"
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: amanadoo on January 23, 2012, 12:10:54 PM
This one came in by PM:

"When I rub my wife's feet, her response is "okay, what did you do wrong?" or "I know what you want".

Now of course, we all know that I want the goods, but I don't want it to look like those are my intentions.  I'm okay rubbing her feet a few times during movies nights and falling asleep when my head hits the pillow.  I figure that I'm building up credit.  The question is, how long are those credits good for?  Just curious.

Curious from Colorado."

What is the square root of -1?  It is the impossible, unsolvable puzzle.  There is no answer to your question.

Basically, foot rubbing is an acceptable way of proposing some love.  It's much better than sending her a text that says, "Wanna &*#%?"

I disagree! We always want the foot rubs! But if you take it, knowing it's not done out of love, but "for credit," it's annoying. A "wanna ****" text is better, because you can be like YEP! or NOPE! And everyone knows what's up!

lol exclamation marks.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: TexasGirl on January 23, 2012, 12:21:30 PM
I disagree! We always want the foot rubs! But if you take it, knowing it's not done out of love, but "for credit," it's annoying. A "wanna ****" text is better, because you can be like YEP! or NOPE! And everyone knows what's up!

lol exclamation marks.

Wait a minute, I'm confused.   You mean there are times when a guy really doesn't want sex?   Wow!  Who knew!!

~TG
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Morning Sunshine on January 23, 2012, 12:37:45 PM
 :popcorn:
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Roundabouts on January 23, 2012, 12:43:59 PM
yeah get low T and well you will think the foot rub was sex
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: archer on January 23, 2012, 01:02:08 PM
Wait a minute, I'm confused.   You mean there are times when a guy really doesn't want sex?   Wow!  Who knew!!

~TG
we have to sleep sometime....
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Docwatmo on January 23, 2012, 01:05:33 PM
we have to sleep sometime....

Says who  ;) :P
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Shaunypoo on January 23, 2012, 01:27:36 PM
I always let her ask for the footrub.  She always thinks there is an ulterior motive if I offer, and of course she is right.  In a good marriage, it all evens out anyway.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: amanadoo on January 23, 2012, 01:49:46 PM
Wait a minute, I'm confused.   You mean there are times when a guy really doesn't want sex?   Wow!  Who knew!!

~TG

I doubt it. I'm a lady.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on January 23, 2012, 02:08:35 PM
Another PM:

"My wife and I have been happily married for over 10 years and love each other fiercely.  But I have a disease that I have never told her about.  BRD (Black Rifle Disease)

How do I tell her?"

You don't.  I think this clip summarizes why:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yB7J7DYi6M (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yB7J7DYi6M)

She can't handle the truth.  Why mess with a good thing?  Hide the guns (with proper locks if you have kids, of course) and let love blossom.  Out of sight, out of mind.

Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on January 23, 2012, 02:16:18 PM
Another PM:

"This is going to sound mean..but..how do I get my husband to not be such a Nancy! I love him to death and do so often! I just hate coming across as the nagging b!+@# that's always hun you need to split wood today,hun can you haul water to the hens,hun..hun..hun..he will do it but then pout like a little girl all day for how hard he's worked the last week and how I'm always asking him to do things..we work out of home he doesn't break a sweat..I let him know how grateful I am..and praise him for what he does but come on I do it the other six days a week and the house and the kids and the cooking..then I spilt wood then I haul feed and water and basically run things..I don't want to have to ask..withholding sex is no big deal for him he can go months and not care..I love my husband very much but I feel like I go at life alone and I get really worn out having to wear the pants and the skirt all of the time.."

That part about him going months without wanting sex makes this impossible for me to address.  I can't comprehend that.  It's like going months without food or water.

One thing about the topic of him doing stuff, here's what I know.  In the past, I had to be told to do things because everytime I did things on my own, it was never right.  (Not saying that's you, just that it was my situation.)  I finally just started doing things around the house the way I wanted to do them.  My wife asked what changed.  I told her "I don't have to go through the permitting process."  She didn't like hearing that, but realized I was right.  And stuff was getting done without her asking me to do it.  So that's what I'm doing now. 

Throw every sexy trick you have at him.  I bet that'll get him in line.  *feminists are hating this advice column; I don't care*
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: amanadoo on January 23, 2012, 02:39:35 PM
I'm a feminist (and a lady lol) and I'm not bothered. You're saying a whole lot of "men will do anything for more sex" sooo....that kinda makes y'all look stupid, not us. Plus, we all knew that already ;)

Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Morning Sunshine on January 23, 2012, 02:43:17 PM
I'm a feminist (and a lady lol) and I'm not bothered. You're saying a whole lot of "men will do anything for more sex" sooo....that kinda makes y'all look stupid, not us. Plus, we all knew that already ;)

 :clap:
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: cheryl1 on January 23, 2012, 02:55:14 PM
Another PM:
 he can go months and not care
Depression?
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: chrisdfw on January 23, 2012, 03:47:23 PM
Depression?

low testosterone is the likely "problem" which can be caused by a number of things... maybe depression...

but likely causes include
1. Drinking too much, sadly
2. Too much consumption of certain things, wheat and soy can be a problem
3. Not enough consumptions of certain things, primarily cholesterol and saturated fat (its not all bad)
4. Medications... where to start
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on January 23, 2012, 03:57:53 PM

I'm a feminist (and a lady lol) and I'm not bothered. You're saying a whole lot of "men will do anything for more sex" sooo....that kinda makes y'all look stupid, not us. Plus, we all knew that already ;)


Yep.  It's all a lot of guys think about.  *shrugs*
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Dawgus on January 23, 2012, 03:59:47 PM
Witholding? Are you insane??????  :o :o

 I do listen, and offer the boot suggestion, over and over and over and.... All she says is "I'm only walking to the car". I honestly don't know why she refuses to wear boots. She has no real reason to even tell me. I guess it's a guy thing. Mud/rain/snow=boot weather.   

 Shopping is a suggestion I've had many times, but she HATES shopping and HATES buying something for herself. (whether she does or I do-she hates it)

 I think it's just a secret ploy to get me to continue the brick walkway all the way to the car.  ;)

 Enough of my silly issue. The others are wayyyyy better!!  ;D ;D
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Goatdog62 on January 23, 2012, 05:17:06 PM
It occurs to me that asking Heavy G for advice with women is like asking my German Shepherd to guard my medium rare T-bone while I step outside for a minute.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Roundabouts on January 23, 2012, 05:26:53 PM
Another PM:

"This is going to sound mean..but..how do I get my husband to not be such a Nancy! I love him to death and do so often! I just hate coming across as the nagging b!+@# that's always hun you need to split wood today,hun can you haul water to the hens,hun..hun..hun..he will do it but then pout like a little girl all day for how hard he's worked the last week and how I'm always asking him to do things..we work out of home he doesn't break a sweat..I let him know how grateful I am..and praise him for what he does but come on I do it the other six days a week and the house and the kids and the cooking..then I spilt wood then I haul feed and water and basically run things..I don't want to have to ask..withholding sex is no big deal for him he can go months and not care..I love my husband very much but I feel like I go at life alone and I get really worn out having to wear the pants and the skirt all of the time.."


I know so well I hate wearing pants with my skirts.  The fewer the clothes the better.  ::) So who really cares if when doing the dishes if the plates are washed first or the pots.  Long as they are clean dried and put away.  (leaving the pot to soak you don't get points for doing dishes hint they are not done only part of them are done) ;)  Cooking and doing dishes work better than oysters and candles.  Cooking includes figuring out what to cook.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on January 23, 2012, 06:45:12 PM

It occurs to me that asking Heavy G for advice with women is like asking my German Shepherd to guard my medium rare T-bone while I step outside for a minute.


Ha!  You're on to me.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: chickchoc on January 23, 2012, 07:11:59 PM
I'm reminded of when my husband and I were first married.  We had my famiy over for dinner and he made the MISTAKE of saying his mother's fried chicken was better than mine.  I quit cooking altogether for him.  He was on his own for his meals.  It literally took him several years (and another family chicken dinner i cooked) before he said my cooking was not onlly OK, but that he preferred the way I cooked fried chicken to that of his his mother.  I immediately thanked him and started cooking for both of us again.

A similar thing happened when he complained I didn't know how to iron his shirts.  He's still ironing his own stuff to this day. 

Bear in mind that he was in his mid 30s when we married and I was nearly 30 myself.  I think we both had more than enough life experience and self confidence that the witholding of certain things just didn't make that big of a deal.  We both realized if the item we witheld from the other was a source of pleasure for us, there was no point in "cutting off the nose to spite the face."  ha, ha

Cute column, Dear Abner  8)
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: soupbone on January 23, 2012, 07:53:09 PM
we have to sleep sometime....

At my age, that defines "Horizontal Recreation".

soup
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on January 23, 2012, 08:38:57 PM

We both realized if the item we witheld from the other was a source of pleasure for us, there was no point in "cutting off the nose to spite the face."  ha, ha


When I speak of men withholding sex from women, it's purely theoretical.  Like "cuts in government spending."
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: NWBowhunter on January 23, 2012, 08:48:08 PM
When I speak of men withholding sex from women, it's purely theoretical.  Like "cuts in government spending."

If only it would be on a logrithmic increase then.  ;D
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Docwatmo on January 23, 2012, 09:09:25 PM
If thats the case, I should be on welfare.   ;) ;D
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: DocRokRx on January 24, 2012, 01:47:27 AM
Another PM:

"My wife and I have been happily married for over 10 years and love each other fiercely.  But I have a disease that I have never told her about.  BRD (Black Rifle Disease)


She can't handle the truth.  Why mess with a good thing?  Hide the guns (with proper locks if you have kids, of course) and let love blossom.  Out of sight, out of mind.

I think I have this disease.... (un)fortunately no BRs yet, but what happens when I have the money for one, and the next one, and the next one?

As an Expert in the subject, I think HG should run a dedicated thread on the art and science of subterfuge in regards to this perilous situation so many of us find ourselves in.... :)
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on January 24, 2012, 05:57:15 AM

As an Expert in the subject, I think HG should run a dedicated thread on the art and science of subterfuge in regards to this perilous situation so many of us find ourselves in.... :)


How about a thread called, "How men hide guns and shit from their wives"?  Hmmmm....  I could write a book about that and sell a million copies. 
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Docwatmo on January 24, 2012, 07:12:38 AM
Then I could follow up with a book about how to hide books about hiding shit from our wives.   ;D

Followed by the book.  "How to find the books your husbands hide that tell them how to hide shit from their wives.

This would be followed up by the book.  "Divorce:  Why trust is such an issue".   ;) ;D ;D
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on January 24, 2012, 10:16:56 AM
Here's another PM:

"HG--My dear hubby never makes the bed. Drives me crazy.  I've tried asking him politely and then not so politely.  Nothing works.  I need help!

Ticked in Tampa"

Well, Ticked, the answer is right there: bed.  Let him know--try to say it directly as we guys aren't good at subtle--that you'll have a lot more energy for some boom boom if the bed's made thereafter.  Follow through.  Love his brains out and then watch him make the bed.  He'll wonder why he hadn't been making the bed every day for years. 

And, who knows, maybe he'll start washing the truck ... if you know what I mean.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: ag2 on January 24, 2012, 11:17:03 AM
low testosterone is the likely "problem" which can be caused by a number of things... maybe depression...

but likely causes include
1. Drinking too much, sadly
2. Too much consumption of certain things, wheat and soy can be a problem
3. Not enough consumptions of certain things, primarily cholesterol and saturated fat (its not all bad)
4. Medications... where to start

Too much soda, coffee, sugar and lack of exercise can also contribute to this.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: liftsboxes on January 24, 2012, 01:38:55 PM
I love this thread.



(that isn't a question, HG)












(no, I don't love it "that' way)
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Dawgus on January 24, 2012, 02:07:57 PM
Then I could follow up with a book about how to hide books about hiding shit from our wives.   ;D


 There are TWO key points to this. No book necessary.
1-always leave an empty slot in the gun cabinet
2-always go to the gun shop with an empty long gun case (to fill with purchase for said empty slot)
  Yes guys, I just gave away the big secret!


 I love this thread  ;D Well done G
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: TexasGirl on January 24, 2012, 05:50:17 PM
  Yes guys, I just gave away the big secret!
<--- *gasps*
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: DocRokRx on January 24, 2012, 09:59:47 PM
Then I could follow up with a book about how to hide books about hiding shit from our wives.   ;D
Followed by the book.  "How to find the books your husbands hide that tell them how to hide shit from their wives.
This would be followed up by the book.  "Divorce:  Why trust is such an issue".   ;) ;D ;D

 :rofl:

There are TWO key points to this. No book necessary.
1-always leave an empty slot in the gun cabinet
2-always go to the gun shop with an empty long gun case (to fill with purchase for said empty slot)


I feel dumb... i must be missing something because i dont get it :-\
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: ncjeeper on January 24, 2012, 10:56:17 PM
"How men hide guns and shit from their wives"?  Hmmmm....  I could write a book about that and sell a million copies.
Probably make Oprah's book club. :D
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on January 25, 2012, 06:20:34 AM
Who knows ... there might be a book coming out about how a guy hides his preps from his wife.  You never know.

OK, back to the PMs:

"Heavy G-- My husband buys lots of guns.  I like to buy a nice pair of shoes every now and again.  He flips out when I buy some shoes but seems to think we have plenty of money for his guns.  Any ideas?

Shoe Girl in Montana"

I sure do have an idea.  Get yourself a nice pair of shoes.  Leave him a note that he needs to come into the bedroom.  Be in there with nothing but those new shoes on.  Tell him that both of you get a treat when you buy shoes. 
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: LvsChant on January 25, 2012, 07:50:52 AM
Hmmm. I sense a recurring theme in G's advice.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: ag2 on January 25, 2012, 08:59:51 AM
Hmmm. I sense a recurring theme in G's advice.
You must mean all that wisdom he shares.  ;)
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on January 25, 2012, 10:15:48 AM

Hmmm. I sense a recurring theme in G's advice.


*shrugs* It's been keeping men and women together for thousands of years.  I didn't invent it.

It's almost like Whoever created us had this brilliant solution in mind.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Docwatmo on January 25, 2012, 11:03:36 AM
*shrugs* It's been keeping men and women together for thousands of years.  I didn't invent it.

It's almost like Whomever created us had this brilliant solution in mind.

ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT INDEED!!
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: ag2 on January 25, 2012, 03:31:34 PM
*shrugs* It's been keeping men and women together for thousands of years.  I didn't invent it.

It's almost like Whoever created us had this brilliant solution in mind.

ROTF lol
+1
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: ttubravesrock on January 25, 2012, 08:48:29 PM
I'm reminded of when my husband and I were first married.  We had my famiy over for dinner and he made the MISTAKE of saying his mother's fried chicken was better than mine.  I quit cooking altogether for him.  He was on his own for his meals.  It literally took him several years (and another family chicken dinner i cooked) before he said my cooking was not onlly OK, but that he preferred the way I cooked fried chicken to that of his his mother.  I immediately thanked him and started cooking for both of us again.

A similar thing happened when he complained I didn't know how to iron his shirts.  He's still ironing his own stuff to this day. 

Bear in mind that he was in his mid 30s when we married and I was nearly 30 myself.  I think we both had more than enough life experience and self confidence that the witholding of certain things just didn't make that big of a deal.  We both realized if the item we witheld from the other was a source of pleasure for us, there was no point in "cutting off the nose to spite the face."  ha, ha

Cute column, Dear Abner  8)

Not to sound mean, but that sounds kinda bitchy.  Maybe you should have talked to his mom and asked for her fried chicken recipe?  Maybe his mom's fried chicken really is better than yours.  That doesn't mean he doesn't like your cooking.  In my family, we both cook.  My wife doesn't have a problem telling me she doesn't like something, and I don't have a problem telling her I don't like something.  We also don't have a problem with praising each other.  I guess if you have him so afraid to criticize you that's good for your ego, but it isn't healthy for him. 

I don't really have a comment on ironing.  I work in an environment where an iron is unnecessary.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: chrisdfw on January 26, 2012, 01:15:31 PM
Who knows ... there might be a book coming out about how a guy hides his preps from his wife.  You never know.

OK, back to the PMs:

"Heavy G-- My husband buys lots of guns.  I like to buy a nice pair of shoes every now and again.  He flips out when I buy some shoes but seems to think we have plenty of money for his guns.  Any ideas?

Shoe Girl in Montana"

I sure do have an idea.  Get yourself a nice pair of shoes.  Leave him a note that he needs to come into the bedroom.  Be in there with nothing but those new shoes on.  Tell him that both of you get a treat when you buy shoes.

Good advice, however, if I may add:

Don't be upset if he fails to notice that you have new shoes.... or that you are wearing shoes... or that you have feet.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Shaunypoo on January 26, 2012, 01:26:56 PM
Is every answer really going to involve sex?  I understand that alot of this is tongue-in-cheek, but does everyone really believe that men are that simple?  (How many people replying yes am I going to get?)

No offense, G, you are one of the voices here that I love to hear because your sense of humor translates well and you also give sage advice.  My fear is that someone actually is looking for real advice.  I have no problem if you want to qualify every serious answer with "you can also have sex," but someof the questions look like they are along the lines of "how do I get my partner into prepping," but without the actual prepping question.

I don't want to ruin anyones fun, so tell me if I am out of line.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: chrisdfw on January 26, 2012, 04:01:39 PM
Is every answer really going to involve sex?  I understand that alot of this is tongue-in-cheek, but does everyone really believe that men are that simple?  (How many people replying yes am I going to get?)

No offense, G, you are one of the voices here that I love to hear because your sense of humor translates well and you also give sage advice.  My fear is that someone actually is looking for real advice.  I have no problem if you want to qualify every serious answer with "you can also have sex," but someof the questions look like they are along the lines of "how do I get my partner into prepping," but without the actual prepping question.

I don't want to ruin anyones fun, so tell me if I am out of line.

Sounds like you need to have sex.... ok sorry, I just can't help myself sometimes.

I think we all see it as a joke, or everyone else.

But there is something to be said for having sex. It usually (if done with your spouse) bring couples closer.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: antsyaunt on January 26, 2012, 07:52:04 PM
I love this thread!  How can one NOT grin when Heavy G writes about "boom boom"?  Or when he and Docwatmo write about books explaining how to "hide shit" from wives?  We have some high level comedic talent on board here.  I'd like to tell you guys to keep it up, but I'd be afraid it wouldn't come across the way I intended it.     
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on January 26, 2012, 07:53:18 PM

I'd like to tell you guys to keep it up, but I'd be afraid it wouldn't come across the way I intended it.     


Ha!  Good one.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: chickchoc on January 26, 2012, 08:20:09 PM
Hey, Heavy G --

No offense taken with your comment on my story.  Here's the scoop on the fried chicken fiasco --

MIL was a very sweet person whom I adored.  She passed away Jan 2011 at age 98.  Much as I loved Mom, she was a mediocre cook on her best days. 

For example, her idea of cooking chicken was to coat the raw, unboned pieces in Bisquick, then boil them in oil for at least 1- 2 hours.  She also made "goulash" that was a full pound (dry weight) elbow mac cooked, then mixed with about a half pound of unseasoned hamburger meat and a half can of tomato soup.  The result was barely pink with tiny brown, flavorless bits thinly scattered throughout and no flavor since she didn't even add salt to the pasta water.  Her idea of turkey stuffing was a slice of bread, half a raw carrot and a quarter of an onion laid in the cavity of the turkey, which of course was roasted for at least 6 hours (thank goodness for the injected broth in most commercial turkeys!).   

Bless her heart, she simply had no real interest in the kitchen and less skill IMO.  Of course DH thought (as do most folks) that his mother's cooking was the best in the whole world.

I, on the other hand, was basically "raised in the kitchen" by a highly accomplished cook was was also very open to a wide variety of cuisines.  (My mom passed away Aug 2011).  One of Mama's favorite sayings in the face of a picky eater was, "You just haven't had ____ fixed the way you like it yet" and the next time she'd try a different recipe.   As a result, my family expected well prepared, flavorful meals when they arrived at DH and my house -- and that's exactly what they got.

DH insulted not only me, but my family, when he complained about that particular meal.  There were some very shocked faces at the table at the time, I can tell you.

Was I bitchy to make him responsible for his own meals?  Probably, but the "chicken episode" was symptomatic of quite a course of behavior early in the marriage to which I felt I had to put a quick stop.  DH needed to know where I drew the line (and I needed to know the same for him.)

BTW -- the ironing thing was meant to be a joke.  In point of fact, DH is an extraordinarily helpful mate around the house whom I praise constantly to his face and to my acquaintances.  He is one of the most intelligent folks I've met (4 degrees to my 3) and an absolute whiz financially.  We have been married 30 years and seem to have worked out most of the bugs, but there's always something new around the corner, right?

Anyway, no offense taken.  Just wanted to set the record straight.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Shaunypoo on January 27, 2012, 07:52:24 AM
Sounds like you need to have sex.... ok sorry, I just can't help myself sometimes.

I think we all see it as a joke, or everyone else.

But there is something to be said for having sex. It usually (if done with your spouse) bring couples closer.

I will not disagree with that assessment.  Twice a week just isn't cutting it. ;)
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: DocRokRx on January 28, 2012, 01:21:29 AM
i'd kill for twice a week right now...
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on January 28, 2012, 07:03:40 AM

i'd kill for twice a week right now...


See ladies.  This is what I'm talking about.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: cheryl1 on January 28, 2012, 09:16:39 AM
So, what's normal per week? I asked my DH and he said he'd be fully satisfied with 5x/week. I would actually be okay with 1x/week. We end up hovering between 2-4x/week depending on what else is going on in our lives.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: CBP on January 28, 2012, 07:29:04 PM
Witholding? Are you insane??????  :o :o

 I do listen, and offer the boot suggestion, over and over and over and.... All she says is "I'm only walking to the car". I honestly don't know why she refuses to wear boots. She has no real reason to even tell me. I guess it's a guy thing. Mud/rain/snow=boot weather.   

 Shopping is a suggestion I've had many times, but she HATES shopping and HATES buying something for herself. (whether she does or I do-she hates it)

 I think it's just a secret ploy to get me to continue the brick walkway all the way to the car.  ;)

 Enough of my silly issue. The others are wayyyyy better!!  ;D ;D

Certainly Mr. Dawgus, you know your wife's shoe size and, well, Valentines Day is drawing near.  Might I offer this suggestion.

Stylish through the toughest snow bank and you might enjoy them too.

http://www.misshighheel.com/electra-3000.html


Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on January 30, 2012, 01:16:05 PM

So, what's normal per week?


Whatever guys say in answer to this will be inflated. 
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Shaunypoo on January 30, 2012, 02:12:18 PM
So, what's normal per week?

Define "normal".
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Docwatmo on January 30, 2012, 02:16:54 PM
Whatever guys say in answer to this will be inflated.

I took my estimate, and cut it in half to cover inflation, then divided by 4 to remove anomalies.  Then dropped out 38% to error on the side of caution and came up with 4 times a day.   Sounds about right.

 
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: TexDaddy on January 30, 2012, 03:12:48 PM
 :rofl:
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: archer on January 30, 2012, 04:02:33 PM
I took my estimate, and cut it in half to cover inflation, then divided by 4 to remove anomalies.  Then dropped out 38% to error on the side of caution and came up with 4 times a day.   Sounds about right.
 

Only 4?
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: cheryl1 on January 30, 2012, 04:45:47 PM
4x a day! Obviously these answers have been skewed by bias in favor of the estrogen challenged among us.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: ttubravesrock on January 30, 2012, 06:55:15 PM
So, what's normal per week? I asked my DH and he said he'd be fully satisfied with 5x/week. I would actually be okay with 1x/week. We end up hovering between 2-4x/week depending on what else is going on in our lives.

I think this probably deserves is own thread, with a poll and everything
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Maus on January 30, 2012, 07:18:46 PM
Depression?

I was thinking this too.  It might also be stress related.

I went through a time when I was about 38 that work became hell.  The stress carried over to home too.  I found that I could not rise to the occasion reliably.  The thought of sex became very intimidating.  My wife and I would go so long we could not remember the last time.  Probably 2 months between, easily. 

It went on for probably over six months to a year before I told her what was going on.  While the last thing I wanted to do, it helped get us past that.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on January 30, 2012, 07:56:49 PM
Here's a PM I got:

"HG: I spend probably two hours a night on the TSP forum.  I'm neglecting my family.  My wife asked if there was anything she could do get my attention back to her.  Any suggestions about what I could tell her?

TSP Addict in Atlanta"

Nope, TSP Addict.  Nothing comes to mind. 
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: The Wilderness on January 30, 2012, 11:22:19 PM
Here's a PM I got:

"HG: I spend probably two hours a night on the TSP forum.  I'm neglecting my family.  My wife asked if there was anything she could do get my attention back to her.  Any suggestions about what I could tell her?

TSP Addict in Atlanta"

Nope, TSP Addict.  Nothing comes to mind.

Have her join the forum.

TW
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: FrugalFannie on January 31, 2012, 06:13:21 AM
Have her join the forum.

TW


 :rofl:
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: cheryl1 on January 31, 2012, 07:48:18 AM
Here's a PM I got:

"HG: I spend probably two hours a night on the TSP forum.  I'm neglecting my family.  My wife asked if there was anything she could do get my attention back to her.  Any suggestions about what I could tell her?

TSP Addict in Atlanta"

Nope, TSP Addict.  Nothing comes to mind.
Get a smartphone and use it to surf the forum at work. Tell your boss you've got irritable bowel and have to spend a lot of time on the bathroom.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on February 01, 2012, 03:27:07 PM
Another PM:

"Heavy: Now that the kids are older (teenagers), I want to go out and do fun things with my guy friends.  My wife is OK with it, but I sense a little bit of 'oh, you go have fun.  I'll just stay here and do laundry.'  What can I do?

Not a Jerk in Tulsa"

Ah, the buddies issue.  This happened to me.  When my kids got to be teenagers, I had more free time.  So did my wife.  We independently came to a great conclusion: buddies.  Yep, she has her friends that she runs with (as in jogging, not "runs with" as in honky tonks).  I have my shooting friends.  We both have buddies.  Not work friends, not family friends but buddies we share something in common with like running or guns. 

So I suggest you encourage your wife to start hanging out with some buddies of hers who share an interest she has.  She must have some interest that she could do with others.  Don't just encourage her to hang out with her buddies--actively make it happen.  Do stuff around the house so she can go out with her buddies.  That kind of thing.

Let me know how it works out.

PS: SEE--not every piece of marriage advice I have involves wives loving their husbands well and frequently.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: dani3077 on February 01, 2012, 07:24:55 PM
Just make sure you take her out every once in a while with that free time!! One night with the buds, one night with her.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on February 01, 2012, 08:52:14 PM

Just make sure you take her out every once in a while with that free time!! One night with the buds, one night with her.


Totally.  My shooting buddies can't do what she can.   ::)
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Shaunypoo on February 02, 2012, 06:16:04 AM
PS: SEE--not every piece of marriage advice I have involves wives loving their husbands well and frequently.

Touche, well done good sir.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on February 02, 2012, 06:56:52 AM
Shaunypoo: That wasn't directed at you.  It was for everyone.  Not everything in a marriage involves sex.  About 85%, but not everything.

Hey, y'all: Send me more PMs.  I've answered all of them and need more.  Send them in.  They can be problems "a friend" of yours is having.  And I keep everything confidential.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Shaunypoo on February 02, 2012, 07:30:41 AM
I know, just giving credit where credit is due. ;D

Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on February 08, 2012, 02:19:56 PM
Got this tough question in a PM (keep them coming).  Remember: I am not a trained professional.  I think that will be clear when you read my answer.

"Heavy G: I am in a divided marriage.  By that, I mean I am Jewish and my husband is Catholic.  I am a libertarian and he's a liberal.  He smokes and I can't stand it.  I drink Pepsi and he drinks Coke.  I have two kids from my first marriage and he has three of them.  Sometimes (often, actually) the kids don't get along and accuse the other parent of favoring their kids.  What can we do to make this work better?"

Pepsi?  Seriously?  How can you drink that swill?  You need to quit drinking Pepsi and then maybe your husband will love you.  All the other stuff you mention can be cured with ... you know what.  But not the Pepsi thing.  I smell Pepsi on a woman's breath and I'm throwing up.  No boom boom for you, ma'am, with that crap on your breath.

Hope that helps. 
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: ncjeeper on February 08, 2012, 09:09:56 PM
There is hope. I drink pepsi and my wife drinks coke. Been married 18 years now. :)
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on February 08, 2012, 09:12:27 PM

There is hope. I drink pepsi and my wife drinks coke. Been married 18 years now. :)


My professional advice is to divorce her.  Yes, over cola choices.  See, I'm a professional.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: archer on February 08, 2012, 09:16:13 PM
My professional advice is to divorce her.  Yes, over cola choices.  See, I'm a professional.
but what 'Profession'? The oldest one??? ;)
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Docwatmo on February 08, 2012, 09:18:20 PM
Heavy G has now been officially warned for his "Anti-Pepsi" rants.   Here at TSP, we enjoy a very diverse membership of cola drinkers.  Doesn't matter if your a Coke, Pepsi, RC, or even a Shasta lover.  Your welcome here.

Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: archer on February 08, 2012, 09:28:18 PM
Heavy G has now been officially warned for his "Anti-Pepsi" rants.   Here at TSP, we enjoy a very diverse membership of cola drinkers.  Doesn't matter if your a Coke, Pepsi, RC, or even a Shasta lover.  Your welcome here.
Um wait, we do against RC lovers... I mean jeesh! RC Cola? ;)
just joking  RC cola lovers
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: bdhutier on February 08, 2012, 10:49:48 PM
Big Red Zero, baby!!!
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: TexasGirl on February 09, 2012, 12:38:18 AM
Um wait, we do against RC lovers... I mean jeesh! RC Cola? ;)
just joking  RC cola lovers

For those of us down South that might speak with a little drawl, that's 'pernownced' "aRe-uh Cee" Cola.   And they go real well with a Moon Pie.

What ever happened to Nehi Orange Soda?  Or Grapette?

Is there hope for those marriages?

~TG
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on February 09, 2012, 08:36:05 AM


What ever happened to Nehi Orange Soda?  Or Grapette?

Is there hope for those marriages?

~TG


No, there is no hope.  If you're drinking Nehi or Grapette, you're 100 years old.  After all that time with one mate, it's time to mix it up at the retirement home and start swinging.  That's my official marriage advice: break off the 75 year marriage and go "play the field."  I'm a professional.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Morning Sunshine on February 09, 2012, 08:40:30 AM
We do not have a cola war in the house.  neither of us can stand carbonation, so we don't have to worry about it.  :D

but hubby likes to drink milk.  he would go through a gallon in 3 days if I bought it.  I cannot stand the stuff!
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: TexDaddy on February 09, 2012, 10:47:40 AM
Dr. Pepper, only Dr. Pepper and nothing but Dr. Pepper.

...but hubby likes to drink milk.  he would go through a gallon in 3 days if I bought it.  I cannot stand the stuff!
One of my brothers would drink a gallon with supper.

And be careful MS or you will end up like my Granny. She wouldn't drink milk either. One day, when she was 80, she was walking down the hallway and her hip broke, causing her to fall. Osteoporosis is not good. Nursing 5 children like she did takes its toll.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: moprep4life on February 09, 2012, 04:27:26 PM
This is THE best thread!
I can't believe it took me this long to find it. ;D
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: mrdan on February 09, 2012, 05:38:26 PM
What ever happened to Nehi Orange Soda?  Or Grapette?

~TG

Had one this weekend. Baby girl had a peach nehi.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on February 09, 2012, 06:45:25 PM
Another PM:

"HG, my husband saw that TV commercial Tom Brady did for UGG shoes.  He wants a pair.  I thought UGGs were only for women.  What do you think?

Stumped in Pittsburgh"

First of all, I hate Tom Brady.  And where I live only girls wear UGGs.  But I have seen some very manly men wearing them so I have to conclude that UGGs are not just for women.  Pretend your husband is Tom Brady and everything will work out fine.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: ag2 on February 09, 2012, 10:20:17 PM
Heavy G.

I have to travel out of town for work; boss didn't give me a choice.  I leave early in the morning on V-day.  My wife SAYS she understands.  All she said was, "You better send me flowers." And she also said, "It really doesn't matter, we can't get a baby sitter anyway."  But we ALL KNOW I've already got one foot in the doghouse even though this is out of my control.

So, I figured I need to start with a pretty big arrangement of flowers.  That's a given.  But it's probably not enough.  I'm open to suggestions.

Doghouse resident.  Formerly known as AG2
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: TexasGirl on February 10, 2012, 02:10:26 AM
Dear Doghouse Ag2,

Make V-Day happen early, like Monday night.  Pick a theme she might like, such as "Valentine's in Venice."  Take her to a romantic Italian restaurant, after all, they are 6-9 hours ahead of us in Italy, depending on which time zone you are in.  So when you have dinner at seven on Monday night, it's actually Valentine's day in Venice.  Besides, the baby sitters are more available on Monday. 

Oh, and keep the flowers coming for Tuesday, they will be more of a surprise after the Monday Tuesday.

*We now return you to your regularly scheduled marital professional*

(which I'm sure has a recommendation on what to do after dinner!)

~TG
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Docwatmo on February 10, 2012, 04:56:02 AM
And don't forget to sext her,  I hear wives just love that.   ;)

(Yes, I've been attending Heavy G's Marital Advice University.  Only took me 8 minutes online to get my degree)   :o ;D
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Cool Blue on February 10, 2012, 08:40:09 AM
Heavy G.

I have to travel out of town for work; boss didn't give me a choice.  I leave early in the morning on V-day.  My wife SAYS she understands.  All she said was, "You better send me flowers." And she also said, "It really doesn't matter, we can't get a baby sitter anyway."  But we ALL KNOW I've already got one foot in the doghouse even though this is out of my control.

So, I figured I need to start with a pretty big arrangement of flowers.  That's a given.  But it's probably not enough.  I'm open to suggestions.

Doghouse resident.  Formerly known as AG2

Have Valentine's the day after: cards and chocolates 50% off!

I've been trying to convince my wife to do this for years....
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: TexasGirl on February 10, 2012, 09:17:48 AM
Have Valentine's the day after: cards and chocolates 50% off!

I've been trying to convince my wife to do this for years....


Yeah??

And how's that workin' for ya?

There are many times where cheap or thrifty are good; showing love for your best-est most-est significant other isn't that time.

Thinkin' Doghouse for Cold Blue, too...

*wonders if Cold Blue's wife has Heavy G's PM address?*

~TG
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Morning Sunshine on February 10, 2012, 09:23:02 AM
personally, as a woman, I HATE valentines day.

if my hubby does not show me love and respect every day, flowers on feb 14th is not going to make up for it.  he is more than welcome to bring me chocolates on march 10, or flowers on june 3 or whatever any day.  I will even love to accept them on feb 14, as long as it is NOT because it is valentines day, and the world says he HAS to or be in the doghouse.

*note, hubby is wonderful, and I never feel a lack of knowing he loves me.  he shows it every day and in a 1000 different ways.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: bartsdad on February 10, 2012, 09:52:13 AM
Have Valentine's the day after: cards and chocolates 50% off!

I've been trying to convince my wife to do this for years....
I've got the opposite problem. My wife is very frugal and has a calf if I were to waste money on over priced flowers that will be wilted and thrown away in a week. She is much happier if I spend $10 on a bouquet as a surprise any time of the year than if I spend $100 on roses on Feb 14 because the tv told me to.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Morning Sunshine on February 10, 2012, 09:58:19 AM
I've got the opposite problem. My wife is very frugal and has a calf if I were to waste money on over priced flowers that will be wilted and thrown away in a week. She is much happier if I spend $10 on a bouquet as a surprise any time of the year than if I spend $100 on roses on Feb 14 because the tv told me to.

+1  exactly what happens at our house  ;)
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Docwatmo on February 10, 2012, 10:26:00 AM
What's Valentines day?   Never heard of it.   ??? :P ;D
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Cool Blue on February 10, 2012, 11:13:51 AM
I've got the opposite problem. My wife is very frugal and has a calf if I were to waste money on over priced flowers that will be wilted and thrown away in a week. She is much happier if I spend $10 on a bouquet as a surprise any time of the year than if I spend $100 on roses on Feb 14 because the tv told me to.

sigh...lucky man.

Wanna trade?
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Greywolf27 on February 10, 2012, 11:23:11 AM
I've got the opposite problem. My wife is very frugal and has a calf if I were to waste money on over priced flowers that will be wilted and thrown away in a week. She is much happier if I spend $10 on a bouquet as a surprise any time of the year than if I spend $100 on roses on Feb 14 because the tv told me to.

She isn't my wife... yet... but yeah, same story... most of the time.  She really doesn't care if it is really shiny or glitzy... it's the surprise that does it...

And what woman doesn't like to be seen being surprised by the love of her life?
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: ttubravesrock on February 10, 2012, 11:46:13 AM

Yeah??

And how's that workin' for ya?

There are many times where cheap or thrifty are good; showing love for your best-est most-est significant other isn't that time.

Thinkin' Doghouse for Cold Blue, too...

*wonders if Cold Blue's wife has Heavy G's PM address?*

~TG

Its been working out great for us.  Go to the store a day or three after VD (why does VD have to stand for Valentine's Day AND Venereal Disease?), and pick out some awesome chocolates... usually 50-90% off, and stock up for the next few months.

Also, for all you men on here, make sure you are aware of the men's counterpart to Valentine's Day on March 14.  Google it and you will understand.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: archer on February 10, 2012, 11:51:36 AM
And what woman doesn't like to be seen being surprised by the love of her life?
depends if it is you.....
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Greywolf27 on February 10, 2012, 11:52:38 AM
depends if it is you.....

Why you gotta go there Archer... damn..  ;)
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: archer on February 10, 2012, 12:13:18 PM
Why you gotta go there Archer... damn..  ;)
'cause i'm an old sourpuss.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: LvsChant on February 10, 2012, 02:59:14 PM
I've got the opposite problem. My wife is very frugal and has a calf if I were to waste money on over priced flowers that will be wilted and thrown away in a week. She is much happier if I spend $10 on a bouquet as a surprise any time of the year than if I spend $100 on roses on Feb 14 because the tv told me to.

Exactly my feelings... I actually like celebrating Valentine's Day by making a nice breakfast for my family, decorating the kitchen table with some simple heart plates, etc. and putting small chocolate surprises beside their plates. I really don't much want a big Hallmark holiday celebration that involves spending money on silly things. My mom started this in our family when I was a kid growing up.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: cheryl1 on February 10, 2012, 08:00:42 PM
What's Valentines day?   Never heard of it.   ??? :P ;D
I think it's sometime in February. I vaguely recall my husband cooking a dinner for me once around this time of year. ;)
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on February 10, 2012, 09:13:43 PM
Another PM:

"Dear Heavy G,

My brother took our 13 year old for the weekend. Hubby and I have 3 nights and 3 days to ourselves to do whatever we want. Should we rotate the food storage, put up more into LTS or rotate the fuel stocks? We jut don't know what to do with ourselves. Maybe we should go on a 'bug out hike' and eat off the land?"

Sure.  All that sounds good ... if you want your husband to leave you immediately. 

You know what to do for three days and nights.  Stay safe and stay hydrated.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on February 10, 2012, 09:18:08 PM

Heavy G.

I have to travel out of town for work; boss didn't give me a choice.  I leave early in the morning on V-day.  My wife SAYS she understands.  All she said was, "You better send me flowers." And she also said, "It really doesn't matter, we can't get a baby sitter anyway."  But we ALL KNOW I've already got one foot in the doghouse even though this is out of my control.

So, I figured I need to start with a pretty big arrangement of flowers.  That's a given.  But it's probably not enough.  I'm open to suggestions.

Doghouse resident.  Formerly known as AG2


You are correct: go big on the flowers--even when they say it doesn't matter. 

Here's an idea for a cost-effective flower blitz: Have some friends in town get her a rose at the grocery store ($4 or whatever) and bring it over to her and have them say you asked them to do it.  Have a couple friends do that and you'll be out of the dog house.  It's thoughtful and it takes logistical planning.  That's what the chicas dig: thoughtfulness and a big to-do. 

Then we you get home from your work trip ... boom boom. 
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Morning Sunshine on February 11, 2012, 03:09:21 AM
Here's an idea for a cost-effective flower blitz: Have some friends in town get her a rose at the grocery store ($4 or whatever) and bring it over to her and have them say you asked them to do it.  Have a couple friends do that and you'll be out of the dog house.  It's thoughtful and it takes logistical planning.  That's what the chicas dig: thoughtfulness and a big to-do. 

THAT is a great idea.  lets her know you were thinking of her.  plus, those buddies will already be at the flower section, so will prob think of it for their own sweethearts, keeping them outta the dog house too!
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on February 11, 2012, 06:18:32 AM
Think how she will feel as the door bell rings each time on Valentines night and it's someone else with a flower for her.  She'll never forget it. 
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Docwatmo on February 11, 2012, 08:11:24 AM
G,  I don't care what mean, nasty, deplorable things everyone else says about you,  You are a genius (At least in the marital bliss category).  LOL



Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Morning Sunshine on February 11, 2012, 08:20:46 AM
Think how she will feel as the door bell rings each time on Valentines night and it's someone else with a flower for her.  She'll never forget it.

gotta tell a story here.  the day before we got married, I was doing some stuff at home to get ready for the next day.  about 1pm, the doorbell rang - it was flowers for me from soon-to-be-hubby.  how sweet.  went back to what we were doing.
2pm, the doorbell rings - more flowers.
3pm, more flowers. by this time the delivery guy was like "what did he do?  do you forgive him yet?"  "We are getting married tomorrow." "Ah, he is just making sure you don't change your mind!"
4pm - more flowers.

that was all, just 4: every hour, on the hour, but it is something I will never forget.  crazy man!  (I sure do love him!)
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: TexasGirl on February 11, 2012, 09:15:01 AM
Another marriage story...

Two of my friends were getting married decades ago.  Best man shows up at the wedding with rolls of quarters, handing several quarters to everyone to give the groom in the reception line.  At the send-off, entering their car amid the shower of rice with pocketfuls of quarters, they see a coin mechanism like in a laundrymat dryer stuck to the dash.  It was set for several minutes.  The bride had to keep feeding it quarters all the way to New Orleans.

So beware of repeating gifts.

~TG
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: zackandjen2004 on February 11, 2012, 09:26:10 AM
Great thread!  Right around the time we got married I read two very valuable books: The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and The Seven Conflicts: Resolving the Most Common Disagreements in Marriage by Tim & Joy Downs. 

Chapman's book helped me understand not just my husband but my friends as well.  For example, an intensively multitasking friend of mine shows me she cares when she tells the kids to occupy themselves and we sit down on the couch and have a conversation: no projects, no multitasking, no interruptions.  I show her I care when I help her with a project. 

I have a virtually-non-existent sex drive.  When I initiate some boom boom, my husband understands that means "I really, really love you."  He shows me he loves me when he brings me coffee in bed.  And that happens virtually every day. 

Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: archer on February 11, 2012, 01:29:40 PM
Think how she will feel as the door bell rings each time on Valentines night and it's someone else with a flower for her.  She'll never forget it. 
just a thought, maybe you dont want men showing up on valentines day with flowers while you are out of town...
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on February 11, 2012, 06:19:27 PM
Another PM:

"Heavy G, I need a really good Valentine's gift for my sweetie.  Any ideas?

Ed in Florida"

Yep.  M&Ms with your message on them.  Seriously.  You can get M&Ms made to have the words you choose on them.  Not that expensive either.

Here's the web site: http://www.mymms.com/holidays/valentines_day.aspx?src=113229 (http://www.mymms.com/holidays/valentines_day.aspx?src=113229)

I got some custom M&Ms for Valentines for my sweetie and it was only $27 including shipping.  It might be too late for Feb. 14 arrival, but maybe not.

Even if these custom M&Ms don't work for Valentines, given the short notice, they're awesome for birthdays and anniversaries.

I got custom M&Ms for our 25th date anniversary and ... it was well received.   :-*
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: ag2 on February 11, 2012, 06:51:18 PM
just a thought, maybe you dont want men showing up on valentines day with flowers while you are out of town...

I don't keep friends that I can't trust.  That includes my DW.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Roundabouts on February 11, 2012, 11:14:07 PM
MMMMMM   M&M's magically delicious 
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: DocRokRx on February 13, 2012, 06:36:14 AM
Also, for all you men on here, make sure you are aware of the men's counterpart to Valentine's Day on March 14.  Google it and you will understand.

HA! i'll have to leave this page up on the computer for her to see!
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=March%2014th&defid=1898600
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Shaunypoo on February 13, 2012, 06:49:43 AM
My wife reads Cosmo and other crap like that sometimes, so she is conditioned to believe that behavior outside of the norm is considered a sign of cheating.  If I got her flowers, which I never do, she might take it the wrong way.  Not really, but we don't do alot for Valentines day anyway.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on February 13, 2012, 08:59:30 AM

My wife reads Cosmo and other crap like that sometimes, so she is conditioned to believe that behavior outside of the norm is considered a sign of cheating.  If I got her flowers, which I never do, she might take it the wrong way. 


Seriously?  Comso and the rest of those things really say that flowers is a sign of cheating?  If so, then it's so sad.

May I humbly present some of my outstanding marriage advice?  (Of course.  You're still reading this so you've tacitly agreed I can.)

Give her flowers.  Maybe today, the day before Valentines Day.  And then on Valentines Day.  And then some candy.  Make a whole big stinkin' fuss over her.  Make her think you've been hit on the head with a brick and are acting all crazy.  She'll like it.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Sunflower on February 13, 2012, 12:51:11 PM
I am brand new. Just signed up. This was the first area I viewed. I guess I will be back. I don't laugh easy. This was funny. Like the expression goes when you are screwed, you might as well s......

On a more serious note, ( I hope it is ok to place here)....
I once had a awful experience - very bad - kidnapping kind of stuff over several months --- bizarre abuse. Stuff the counseler called sadistic torture. This all happened after years of being celivant (sorry about spelling - trying to write no sex for years - divorced).

Point is that after trauma, got involved sexually. It felt healing. I have heard that after horrible trauma durng war that soiders get horney - more than usual. Well, I don't quite get the horney part, but I do get the part about feeling safe and sort of healed as a result of the mechanics that accompany the act of procreating (sex).

Anyways, I wondered if the body/mind safety net has a natural tendency toward sex (procreate) as a result of almost being shut down (killed). Just a question I have pondered.

Back to the topic and on a more lighter side, during SHTF, sex might be of more interest to both genders. Not making any promises.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on February 13, 2012, 02:47:10 PM
Sunflower:

What happened to you sounds awful.  We joke around on this thread, but not about what happened to you.

I'll lighten things up with an observation I just had at Hallmark buying a Valentines card.  Guys, if you want to be a good husband don't get one of those cards that basically says what a loser you are.  You know the ones: "I know I snore a lot and fart but I love you."  You may snore a lot and fart, but don't link it to love--especially not on Valentines Day.  Let her know how much you love her and appreciate all she does.  She knows you snore and fart.  You don't need to remind her.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Greywolf27 on February 13, 2012, 03:00:25 PM
What if you are having an argument about who farts loudest?   

I guess... in a sick sorta way... that would be the best card for that situation...

Though I doubt that would actually be the case for most...........
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Roundabouts on February 13, 2012, 03:18:19 PM
Didn't think it was decibels that won.  Thought it was hang time.  In any case no chili on Vday.  My view on Vday is that would be the only day you don't need to show special love and appreciation.  Just as mothers day is the only day moms should have to work and not get appreciation.   Of course having your cake eating it too without getting fat ….  oh yes my little dream world. 
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: dani3077 on February 13, 2012, 03:37:42 PM
Hubby usually never gives me anything for Valentines day. On a couple of occasions he gave me a single red rose. It took him forever to figure out I hate roses like that. (get me a rose bush-not the single one that will die in a couple of days!-and I prefer wildflowers anyway!)

Guess what!?! He gave me an early v-day present. He gave me 2 battery powered Coleman lanterns! He saw them on clearance for $4 each and picked me up 2. What makes this an extra special present is that he is not really into the whole being prepared thing. He also doesn't understand why I want back ups of stuff. We have flashlights, we have kerosene lanterns, why do we need battery lanterns? Regardless, he saw me looking at them the other day and when they went on clearance-he bought them!

And yes, before you ask, I thanked him properly!!!
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Greywolf27 on February 13, 2012, 03:40:07 PM
Hubby usually never gives me anything for Valentines day. On a couple of occasions he gave me a single red rose. It took him forever to figure out I hate roses like that. (get me a rose bush-not the single one that will die in a couple of days!-and I prefer wildflowers anyway!)

Guess what!?! He gave me an early v-day present. He gave me 2 battery powered Coleman lanterns! He saw them on clearance for $4 each and picked me up 2. What makes this an extra special present is that he is not really into the whole being prepared thing. He also doesn't understand why I want back ups of stuff. We have flashlights, we have kerosene lanterns, why do we need battery lanterns? Regardless, he saw me looking at them the other day and when they went on clearance-he bought them!

+1 for ya!
And yes, before you ask, I thanked him properly!!!
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on February 13, 2012, 04:19:10 PM

And yes, before you ask, I thanked him properly!!!


You can expect more niceness from him.  Should he get you nice things all the time?  Yes.  Can you expect him to without a delightful reminder?  No.  Play the hand you're dealt... and women have been dealt quite a method for helping guys remember things.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: FrugalFannie on February 13, 2012, 04:40:42 PM
So what are some of the best V day gifts (or other days) you have received from/for your special someone?

Here's one I told someone about today.

Our son's name means Happy. My favorite flower color, especially roses, is yellow. I found a yellow rose variety called 'Happy Child' in a book about roses when I started planting roses around the yard but was disappointed I never found them in any catalogs. I just assumed no one carried them and they would be special order and really expensive. My husband knows I do not like recieving flowers (usually) as I see them as being a lot of money for someothing  that will quickly die. Well, he called a bunch of rose companies until he found one where he could order a 'Happy Child' rose bush for me for Mother's Day one year! Isn't he the best?!
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: monkeyboyf on February 13, 2012, 10:49:11 PM
DH and I were married 16 years before he passed away in 2007.  He never forgot Valentine Day and our anniversary on the next day.  He always bought something nice like jewelry, no candy or flowers.  I still have the last gift he got for me, 3 different size pillar candles shaped like hearts on a plate.  Every year I get them out for a few days and light one on Valentines Day.  He was a true romantic.  I would trade all the gifts and cards just to have him back for an hour. :'(
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Roundabouts on February 13, 2012, 11:10:05 PM
Awh monkeyboyf  hugs
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: TexDaddy on February 14, 2012, 07:50:06 AM
DH and I were married 16 years before he passed away in 2007.  He never forgot Valentine Day and our anniversary on the next day.  He always bought something nice like jewelry, no candy or flowers.  I still have the last gift he got for me, 3 different size pillar candles shaped like hearts on a plate.  Every year I get them out for a few days and light one on Valentines Day.  He was a true romantic.  I would trade all the gifts and cards just to have him back for an hour. :'(
+5, just because I can.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Shaunypoo on February 14, 2012, 09:39:10 AM
Seriously?  Comso and the rest of those things really say that flowers is a sign of cheating?  If so, then it's so sad.

May I humbly present some of my outstanding marriage advice?  (Of course.  You're still reading this so you've tacitly agreed I can.)

Give her flowers.  Maybe today, the day before Valentines Day.  And then on Valentines Day.  And then some candy.  Make a whole big stinkin' fuss over her.  Make her think you've been hit on the head with a brick and are acting all crazy.  She'll like it.

It's not the flowers that indicate cheating, it is any behavior that is out of the ordinary.  Being more amorous than normal, getting gifts when you don't normally, etc.  I am sure that Vday and stuff like that are exceptions, but why take the risk?
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on February 14, 2012, 06:30:17 PM
Condolences, monkeyboyf.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Sister Wolf on February 28, 2012, 10:24:51 AM
It's not the flowers that indicate cheating, it is any behavior that is out of the ordinary.  Being more amorous than normal, getting gifts when you don't normally, etc.  I am sure that Vday and stuff like that are exceptions, but why take the risk?

Because if you allow an extremely stupid magazine to dictate how you act, you're ripe for allowing the rest of the idiots in society to dictate how you act.

Your wife or girlfriend or whatever she is needs to use Cosmo for what it's good for. starter fuel in the fireplace.

It really gets under my skin when I see humans being cowed by a gossip rag. You guys are married to one another, not to Cosmo/Life/People magazine. If she doesn't trust that you aren't cheating on her because her magazines say stupid things, and if you're scared she won't trust you over a teenager magazine.... I'm sorry, that's just sad.

Hey HeavyG, I have a marriage advice question for ya.

I have been married to my husband for about 8 and a half years. I ADORE the man. His body, his soul, and his laughter are my religion. It hasn't always been easy (what good thing is?) but every evening has ALWAYS ended with an, "I love you." and most of the time, there is boom-boom at least once or twice a week. Also? We've never been separated. Ever. Until now.

We are buying a home in Idaho. It is amazing. Everything about it is amazing. Our experience has made us stronger, but... I've been gone for almost 3 weeks now, and I miss him so much I might be about to explode. I've missed his 56th birthday now (although, my TSP brothers and sisters took GOOD care of him that evening), and he is likely to miss my 30th birthday on March 14th (steak and bj day? hell yes!!)

If we had the money to do it, I'd fly him up here for my birthday or the weekend after my birthday just so I could see him and kiss him and hug him and show him the home we're buying. But we don't (unless we jeapordize our ability to move up here comfortably, and so on), and it's likely to be another month or more (April or May) until we are able to bite the bullet and have him up here for a week before he goes back to California for several months to get things tied up down there. How are we supposed to cope with all of this separation? It SUCKS! :(
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on February 28, 2012, 10:34:12 AM
Sis:

I have no answers for you.  I just don't.  You've stumped me.

I had to spend a summer away from Mrs. Heavy G about 20 years ago.  It sucked.  My friends said I was acting all depressed. 

I just had to wait it out. 

Here's some hope: the reunion was super boom-boom.  Lotta lotta.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Sister Wolf on February 28, 2012, 10:36:51 AM
Sis:

I have no answers for you.  I just don't.  You've stumped me.

:(

Quote
Here's some hope: the reunion was super boom-boom.  Lotta lotta.

;D Well that goes without saying, of course!
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Docwatmo on February 28, 2012, 10:37:33 AM
I'll field this one G.

Just remember that all things pass,  In time, when you are together again, this separation will be but a short quickly forgotten memory.   

Just look to the future, the dreams have come true, the land is as you wish it and you have your most cherished loved one's by your side for the rest of your life.

Hope that helps.


Doc


Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Morning Sunshine on February 28, 2012, 10:39:09 AM
careful with your answer G - the wrong answer could bring down the hammer!   ;)
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: archer on February 28, 2012, 11:23:08 AM
Let's start a SW-TW Boom-Boom Fund! ;)
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Greywolf27 on February 28, 2012, 03:18:06 PM
Spatulas and slotted spoons?  :o
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: ttubravesrock on February 28, 2012, 09:52:52 PM
SW: congrats on escaping California!!!

My wife and I are in the opposite situation.  This summer will be the first time in 7 summers that we have NOT been separated.  We are both very excited about it.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Cedar on February 28, 2012, 10:00:29 PM
Send a card in the mail every day to him.

Cedar
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: bartsdad on February 28, 2012, 11:54:57 PM
Send a card in the mail every day to him.

Cedar
Considering their luck with the USPS and UPS, that may not work. ;)
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Sarey on February 29, 2012, 07:57:37 AM
Just spotted this column this morning and enjoyed reading the various tidbits of advice being doled out by Heavy G along with other comments by fellow TSP’rs (seems like a good term to me). Clearly I need to spend more time on the forums. Usually I’m looking for something specific but lately I’ve discovered many educational and fun topics to participate in.

Wish the advice was practical for my situation but husband’s interest in boom, boom as you say is rare and clearly he is a different breed of cat er, man. Almost always it’s up to me to push the issue but after 16 years of marriage I’ve just come to face the fact that sex isn’t very important to him.

He’s a great man with a wonderful sense of humor and accepts me as I am with all my crazy notions (prepping, tin foil hat stories, what if’s and puts up with a really sick sense of humor and laughs with me) so I really can’t complain.

Love this community more and more…

Sarey
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Roundabouts on February 29, 2012, 10:32:47 AM

Wish the advice was practical for my situation but husband’s interest in boom, boom as you say is rare and clearly he is a different breed of cat er, man. Almost always it’s up to me to push the issue but after 16 years of marriage I’ve just come to face the fact that sex isn’t very important to him.

Sarey

yeha know what you mean.  We have been married 33 yrs.  Met on a blind date at the age of 16.  Lets just say he is not 16 any more  ;)  we went from come on honey I know you want to.   TO...   Oh I'm to tired and the kids are still awake   TO ….you know  I think I want to want to.  TO… Lets not and say we did was it good for you. …… TO….. how bout we just get straight to the sandwich.  What's next? Oh man is it your birthday again already  ;) 
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on February 29, 2012, 02:39:56 PM
Speaking as a guy, I would say it's never too late to blow his mind.  Throw down the love guantlet.  There are things that no man can say no to.  I'm not going to describe them here, but there are things that he can't turn down.

If, by some strange chance, he is still uninterested then you know that you tried.

Give it your best shot ladies and see what happens.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Isailli on March 01, 2012, 08:05:03 PM
Dear heavy I am posting this question for a friend while not a marriage question it is related to sex well sort of. This friend would like to know how do you get the dead hooker smell out of the trunk of a car. He has asked a few of his fellow congressman but as usual there fix involves spending a few billion on the problem. To make matters worse it is not his car and he needs to return it to that nice lobbyist man who lent him the car ( and the hooker) He really needs to put this behind him so he can get back to work on his speech on family values. Please help.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Roundabouts on March 01, 2012, 10:06:08 PM
ya know Heavy G in my preps I say tarps are so important.  You can carry stuff build shelters patch a roof boil water just so many things.  One more thing they are good for.  Protecting the carpet from oil adult slip n slide pudding wrestling and body finger painting.  Hows that for giving it your all ;)

PS yes high heals included
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Sister Wolf on March 01, 2012, 11:17:27 PM
ya know Heavy G in my preps I say tarps are so important.  You can carry stuff build shelters patch a roof boil water just so many things.  One more thing they are good for.  Protecting the carpet from oil adult slip n slide pudding wrestling and body finger painting.  Hows that for giving it your all ;)

PS yes high heals included
WOO HOO! Roundy got some sexy time! ;D
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on March 02, 2012, 04:29:33 AM

Dear heavy I am posting this question for a friend while not a marriage question it is related to sex well sort of. This friend would like to know how do you get the dead hooker smell out of the trunk of a car. He has asked a few of his fellow congressman but as usual there fix involves spending a few billion on the problem. To make matters worse it is not his car and he needs to return it to that nice lobbyist man who lent him the car ( and the hooker) He really needs to put this behind him so he can get back to work on his speech on family values. Please help.


Isailli: 

You ask a common question.  Fabreze works wonders. 

Another thing to do is claim your car was stolen and then drive it to the home of someone you hate.  The cops find your "stolen" car at the home of the person you hate and there's evidence of a dead hooker.  Your friend is arrested.  Only do this if you have an air-tight alibi.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Isailli on March 02, 2012, 06:35:14 AM
My friend would rather not dump the car all though the thought has crossed his mind to drive it to a member of the other party's house. The problem is the car is owned by Monsanto and they contributed 90% of the money in his campaign fund and if a man is not loyal he has nothing. He has taken your other advice and introduced a bill called The olfactory Diversion and control bill AKA The get the dead hooker smell out of my car trunk before someone finds out and busts my ass bill. This bill would allow for an unlimited supply of Fabrese, bleach, lime and shovels  to federal Government officials as an additional perk. In addition it would create the Department of Coverup for  the administration of this needed program and is estimated to create 500,000 new  high paying jobs. The best part is the cost of the program as far as the gov. is concerned would be free and not negatively effect the budget as it will be payed for with a new tax. This program may be just what we need to get the stink out of Washington.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Roundabouts on March 02, 2012, 07:59:29 AM
 :clap:
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: pokeshell on March 02, 2012, 09:38:21 PM
Just spotted this column this morning and enjoyed reading the various tidbits of advice being doled out by Heavy G along with other comments by fellow TSP’rs (seems like a good term to me). Clearly I need to spend more time on the forums. Usually I’m looking for something specific but lately I’ve discovered many educational and fun topics to participate in.

Wish the advice was practical for my situation but husband’s interest in boom, boom as you say is rare and clearly he is a different breed of cat er, man. Almost always it’s up to me to push the issue but after 16 years of marriage I’ve just come to face the fact that sex isn’t very important to him.

He’s a great man with a wonderful sense of humor and accepts me as I am with all my crazy notions (prepping, tin foil hat stories, what if’s and puts up with a really sick sense of humor and laughs with me) so I really can’t complain.

Love this community more and more…

Sarey

Speaking from experience, have his testosterone checked. At 30-35 I had mine checked for fertility reasons(residuals from having to take meds to make babies) and it was super low. It was out of whack to begin with, as I was super high in my 20s, causing fertility issues in my early 30s. A high number can through it off just as bad as low when baby making.

Any way, I not yet 40, and I now take shots once a week, and we are back to normal+. It gave me more energy. I feel more connected to my wife. I did not even realize how lacking it was. I was lumping it in with all the kid and such. My wife missed that part and said something(took her about 2 years to get the courage up), and MAN I AM GLAD SHE DID!

It is better then when we met 20 years ago. Have him get checked, you can just askfor it the next blood test. It adds about $14 in real money. Free with insurance.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: liftsboxes on March 03, 2012, 05:03:36 AM
Edited from 13 Ways to Naturally Boost Your Testosterone Levels
By Ron Geraci, Men's Health, December 25, 2000

The normal level of testosterone in your bloodstream is between 350 and 1,000 nanograms per deciliter (ng/dl). Like combable hair, those quantities silently start to wane around age 40. You lose about 1 percent a year -- a harmless decline in the short term, but a cause of obesity, brittle bones, muscle loss and impotence by the time you reach your 60s -- if you live that long. Testosterone levels in the low range (a blood serum score below 350 ng/dl) may increase your chances of dying of a heart attack.

It's not just an old man's problem, either. Men in their 30s and 40s also fall prey to low testosterone counts. It's a disorder called hypogonadism, and it can be caused by an undescended testicle, a testicular injury, a pituitary gland disorder or even prescription drugs. It usually goes undiagnosed until a man hits his doctor with a telltale complaint: "I can't get an erection."

"If you have reduced levels of sexual desire, have your testosterone level checked immediately," says Dr. Allen Seftel, a urologist at Case Western Reserve University Hospitals of Cleveland. You can replenish your testosterone stores with injections, gels, pills or patches, but these medical treatments are no panacea: Side effects include acne, high cholesterol, shrunken testicles and liver damage. Further, don't take supplements like DHEA or androstenedione to boost testosterone; they might increase your risks of prostate cancer and heart disease.

"For men with borderline testosterone scores, I advise them to try to raise their levels through exercise and weight loss before going on testosterone therapy," says Dr. Goldberg. And it might pay to start young. "Since your testosterone declines at a steady rate, it's conceivable that raising your hormone levels naturally in your 20s and 30s could help you maintain higher levels later on," he says. Either way, the reward can be a stronger physique and better bedroom sessions than you'd otherwise deserve. Below are 13 tips designed to get your juice up -- safely.

Get Rid of the Flopping Belly

Or you'll grow a pair of fetching breasts to complement it. Carrying excess body fat elevates your estrogen levels, and that may cause your testosterone levels to sink, says Joseph Zmuda, an epidemiologist at the University of Pittsburgh. Louie Anderson is proof enough of this. Two or three extra pounds won't cause this hormonal shift; it really occurs once you're 30 percent over your ideal body weight. "Unfortunately, that's pretty common now," says Dr. Dobs.

But Lose Only One Pound a Week

When you want to trim down quickly, you probably starve yourself while exercising like a madman. One of the many reasons this stops working in your 30s, when your natural testosterone levels start dropping, is pretty simple: Cutting your calorie intake by more than 15 percent makes your brain think you're starving, so it shuts down testosterone production to wait out the famine. "There's no need to reproduce if you're starving," explains Thomas Incledon of Human Performance Specialists in Plantation, Fla. Ironically, this dive in circulating testosterone stops you from burning body fat efficiently, so you're actually thwarting your hard efforts to melt that tire off your gut.

Have Morning Sex

German scientists found that simply having an erection causes your circulating testosterone to rise significantly -- and having one in the morning can goose your natural post-dawn testosterone surge. It's a sure bet you'll burn a little fat, too.

Stick With Tough Exercises

To beef up your testosterone levels, the bulk of your workout should involve "compound" weight-lifting exercises that train several large muscle groups, and not just one or two smaller muscles. For example, studies have shown that doing squats, bench presses or back rows increases testosterone more than doing biceps curls or triceps pushdowns, even though the effort may seem the same. This is why doing squats could help you build bigger biceps.

Make Nuts Your Midnight Snack

Nuts are good for your nuts. Research has found that men who ate diets rich in monounsaturated fat -- the kind found in peanuts -- had the highest testosterone levels. "It's not known why this occurs, but some scientists believe that monounsaturated fats have a direct effect on the testes," says Incledon. Nuts, olive oil, canola oil and peanut butter are good sources of monounsaturated fat.

Squeeze Out Five Repetitions per Set

Throwing around 5-pound dumbbells won't help you effect a rise in testosterone. Start off by using a heavy weight that you can lift only five times. That weight is about 85 percent of your one-repetition maximum. A Finnish study found that this workload produced the greatest boosts in testosterone.

Do Three Sets of Each Weight-Lifting Movement

Researchers at Penn State determined that this fosters greater increases in testosterone than just one or two sets. Rest a full minute between sets, so you can regain enough strength to continue lifting at least 70 percent of your one-rep maximum during the second and third sets.

Rest Harder Than You Work Out

If you overtrain -- meaning you don't allow your body to recuperate adequately between training sessions -- your circulating testosterone levels can plunge by as much as 40 percent, according to a study at the University of North Carolina. The symptoms of overtraining are hard to miss: irritability, insomnia, muscle shrinkage, joining the Reform Party. To avoid overtraining, make sure you sleep a full eight hours at night, and never stress the same muscles with weight-lifting movements two days in a row.

Drive Home Sober

"Binge drinking will kill your testosterone levels," warns Incledon. Alcohol affects the endocrine system, causing your testes to stop producing the male hormone.

Have a Sandwich at 3 p.m.

As any sensible woman knows, the way to put hair on a man's chest is to fill his stomach. Your body needs a ready supply of calories to make testosterone, so regularly skipping meals or going for long stretches without eating can cause your levels of the hormone to plummet. Then again, that's probably the warden's plan.


Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Shaunypoo on March 05, 2012, 08:44:21 AM
Dear heavy I am posting this question for a friend while not a marriage question it is related to sex well sort of. This friend would like to know how do you get the dead hooker smell out of the trunk of a car. He has asked a few of his fellow congressman but as usual there fix involves spending a few billion on the problem. To make matters worse it is not his car and he needs to return it to that nice lobbyist man who lent him the car ( and the hooker) He really needs to put this behind him so he can get back to work on his speech on family values. Please help.

Time to call the Wolf.  That's all you have say.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: liftsboxes on March 05, 2012, 09:48:02 AM
Time to call the Wolf.  That's all you have say.

That's thirty minutes away. I'll be there in ten.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: chrisdfw on March 07, 2012, 05:17:23 PM
Wish the advice was practical for my situation but husband’s interest in boom, boom as you say is rare and clearly he is a different breed of cat er, man. Almost always it’s up to me to push the issue but after 16 years of marriage I’ve just come to face the fact that sex isn’t very important to him.

I'm going to echo the advice of those who say to get his testosterone checked. This isn't normal.

Testosterone does good things for men, and without it, we suffer many undesirable effects, including the loss of interest in boom, boom, but also increased body weight, difficulty concentrating, decreased bone density, increased risk of injury, etc.

The answer is usually exercise and diet changes, together.

exercise is self explanatory, but diet changes aren't to cut out fatty foods and eat soy.

I'd suggest the following
stop eating wheat
eat more nuts, almonds are especially good
meat, red meat especially

fat and cholesterol are important for both brain and testosterone production

Sometimes its a viscious cycle, men gain wieght, stop exercising, decide to lose weight and cut out fat, which decreases testosterone and makes it harder to lose weight. Start with the exercise and eat some steak and shrimp with a salad, skip the rolls.

I've been able to increase my testosterone, nearly doubling it, from a relatively normal 450 to almost 800. I feel great, and stronger, faster, and more productive at work than ever, I feel like I am 16 again. I talked a drinking buddy into trying it and while he doesn't have any test results, he reports increased libido, alertness, and a general feeling like superman.

your mileage may vary, but getting a testosterone blood check is the first step, but don't get drugs (shots or cream) until trying diet.

---- warning, you have reached the end of any potentially useful advice, it was hard to be serious for so long -------

If that doesn't work and he wants to outsource the boom boom, I still have slots available on tuesday afternoon and thursday morning.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on March 07, 2012, 06:00:27 PM
I'm wondering if I haven't been increasing my testosterone without even knowing it.  I haven't had it tested. 

But I slowly lost weight (about 40 pounds over six months) and have kept it off.  I'm in the best shape of my life and I'm in my mid 40s.

I exercise a lot.  Between one and two hours at the gym six times a week.

I eat lots of nuts, especially almonds.  I eat almond butter probably every other day.  I eat red meat a normal amount.  I am not on a low-fat diet.

Interesting.

Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Roundabouts on March 07, 2012, 06:50:54 PM

---- warning, you have reached the end of any potentially useful advice, it was hard to be serious for so long -------

If that doesn't work and he wants to outsource the boom boom, I still have slots available on tuesday afternoon and thursday morning.

Hubby says nah I'd rather increase my T.    I reminded him  in order to be prepared we should have a back up plan.  He said that's why we have batteries.  ;) :rofl:  He cracks me up sometimes. 
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on March 07, 2012, 08:00:28 PM
Send me some questions (real or fake).  You can ask me in this thread of PM me.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Docwatmo on March 07, 2012, 08:03:45 PM
A friend of mine, who shall stay nameless (See TexDaddy, Told ya I could keep it a secret).  Asked me to ask you......



 ;)
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on March 07, 2012, 08:10:03 PM
Oh, Doc, if it's about your "problem," I told you to eat lots of mangos.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kp4YpEShSKY (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kp4YpEShSKY)
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Docwatmo on March 07, 2012, 09:24:52 PM
MMMMM Mango.   Problem solved.   G, Your a genius!!  8) ;D ;D
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: DocRokRx on March 08, 2012, 01:10:29 AM
make sure you get the right kind of mango, you don't want to upset the wife....

(http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7040/6817628636_4e6fc098f7_s.jpg) (http://www.flickr.com/photos/72212571@N06/6817628636/)
1190521102164 (http://www.flickr.com/photos/72212571@N06/6817628636/) by mcjoe928 (http://www.flickr.com/people/72212571@N06/), on Flickr
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: chrisdfw on March 08, 2012, 09:02:35 AM
I'm wondering if I haven't been increasing my testosterone without even knowing it.  I haven't had it tested. 

But I slowly lost weight (about 40 pounds over six months) and have kept it off.  I'm in the best shape of my life and I'm in my mid 40s.

I exercise a lot.  Between one and two hours at the gym six times a week.

I eat lots of nuts, especially almonds.  I eat almond butter probably every other day.  I eat red meat a normal amount.  I am not on a low-fat diet.

Interesting.

Probably, I'm not a physician, but spent months researching diet and testosterone, it sounds like you found the plan yoursef. the real physical manifestation is higher sex drive and possibly incrfeased frequency of erections.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Greywolf27 on March 08, 2012, 09:13:45 AM
Probably, I'm not a physician, but spent months researching diet and testosterone, it sounds like you found the plan yoursef. the real physical manifestation is higher sex drive and possibly incrfeased frequency of erections.

Is that why Mrs. Heavy G has been calling into the show more often?
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: FrugalFannie on March 08, 2012, 11:04:03 AM
I'm wondering if I haven't been increasing my testosterone without even knowing it.  I haven't had it tested. 

But I slowly lost weight (about 40 pounds over six months) and have kept it off.  I'm in the best shape of my life and I'm in my mid 40s.

I exercise a lot.  Between one and two hours at the gym six times a week.

I eat lots of nuts, especially almonds.  I eat almond butter probably every other day.  I eat red meat a normal amount.  I am not on a low-fat diet.

Interesting.

Physical activity increases testosterone levels. I have been told (by male instructors) that after a good workout a man should feel a bit 'randy' or he hasn't worked hard enough (or maybe too hard).
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on April 05, 2012, 08:14:03 PM
Here's a PM with a great question:

"DH [dear husband] and I are having a disagreement. I think we should stockpile 20,000 rounds of each caliber we own, and then add more if we want. He says we should have 50,000 rounds of each caliber before we move on to the next. What say you?"

Hmmm... the prepper in me says if you say 20,000 rounds and he says 50,000 rounds then compromise--go with 70,000 rounds.

But the marriage advice professional in me says you should have some boom boom.  Whoever... gets happy first gets to choose the amount of ammo to get.  If you have "tie," then be glad you had that and then boom again and see who gets happy first.  Repeat as necessary.  Then go with 70,000 rounds.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: cheryl1 on April 06, 2012, 07:30:57 AM
 :rofl:
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Shaunypoo on April 06, 2012, 07:47:08 AM
I'm sensing a trend. ???
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Docwatmo on April 06, 2012, 07:48:43 AM
True Genius my friend,  Boom Boom AND Bullets?  How can you go wrong.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Greywolf27 on April 06, 2012, 08:40:37 AM
Here's a PM with a great question:

"DH [dear husband] and I are having a disagreement. I think we should stockpile 20,000 rounds of each caliber we own, and then add more if we want. He says we should have 50,000 rounds of each caliber before we move on to the next. What say you?"

Hmmm... the prepper in me says if you say 20,000 rounds and he says 50,000 rounds then compromise--go with 70,000 rounds.

But the marriage advice professional in me says you should have some boom boom.  Whoever... gets happy first gets to choose.  If you have "tie," then be glad you had that and then boom again and see who gets happy first.  Repeat as necessary.  Then go with 70,000 rounds.

Once they decide on an amount, 50, 70, 100... etc.... I think more boom boom would be in order.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Shaunypoo on April 06, 2012, 08:52:23 AM
Once they decide on an amount, 50, 70, 100... etc.... I think more boom boom would be in order.

At what point are they going to actually get the ammo?

Your advice is great, but when does anything else get done?  Not that I am complaining.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: atherts on April 06, 2012, 09:01:39 AM
Puts boom stick in a whole different light.  ;)

Here's a PM with a great question:

"DH [dear husband] and I are having a disagreement. I think we should stockpile 20,000 rounds of each caliber we own, and then add more if we want. He says we should have 50,000 rounds of each caliber before we move on to the next. What say you?"

Hmmm... the prepper in me says if you say 20,000 rounds and he says 50,000 rounds then compromise--go with 70,000 rounds.

But the marriage advice professional in me says you should have some boom boom.  Whoever... gets happy first gets to choose the amount of ammo to get.  If you have "tie," then be glad you had that and then boom again and see who gets happy first.  Repeat as necessary.  Then go with 70,000 rounds.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on April 06, 2012, 09:05:00 AM

At what point are they going to actually get the ammo?

Your advice is great, but when does anything else get done?  Not that I am complaining.


When does anything get done?  The "tie" I speak of is a monumental thing.   ;D 

I know, I know, you mean when does actual stuff get done.  Dunno.  But having the minimum 20,000 rounds and a "tie" now and again is a hell of a way to live.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Outdoorfury on April 06, 2012, 09:15:20 AM
Here's a PM with a great question:

"DH [dear husband] and I are having a disagreement. I think we should stockpile 20,000 rounds of each caliber we own, and then add more if we want. He says we should have 50,000 rounds of each caliber before we move on to the next. What say you?"

Hmmm... the prepper in me says if you say 20,000 rounds and he says 50,000 rounds then compromise--go with 70,000 rounds.

But the marriage advice professional in me says you should have some boom boom.  Whoever... gets happy first gets to choose the amount of ammo to get.  If you have "tie," then be glad you had that and then boom again and see who gets happy first.  Repeat as necessary.  Then go with 70,000 rounds.

Seriously? I would die to have that problem!!!!!!!!! But that is some good advice HG!
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Outdoorfury on April 06, 2012, 09:17:24 AM
At what point are they going to actually get the ammo?

Your advice is great, but when does anything else get done?  Not that I am complaining.

Its just a 9 month delay for something to get done...  8)
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: DocRokRx on April 06, 2012, 09:16:23 PM
But having the minimum 20,000 rounds and a "tie" now and again is a hell of a way to live.
Quite possibly the best quote I've noticed since I've been on the forum :)
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: soupbone on April 13, 2012, 05:40:51 PM
Marriage Advice?!? I don' need no steenkin' marriage advice!!! Whenever things get tense around here, I just whip up a batch of SISTER WOLF'S FAMOUS HAPPY BROWNIE THINGIES. The Mrs. melts, and I get peace and quiet (sort of).   ;D

soup

PS: Ask Sis for the recipe..............
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on April 13, 2012, 08:20:14 PM
Soup:

You know that it's not really "oregano" she puts in those brownies, right?
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: soupbone on April 14, 2012, 09:12:12 AM
Soup:

You know that it's not really "oregano" she puts in those brownies, right?

Uh, G, the "oregano" trick doesn't really work. If you put "oregano" on them, she won't remember eating them, so you're back to square one.   :(  You're better off letting the chocolate do it's thing.     ;)

soup
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on April 14, 2012, 10:37:59 AM
Here's a PM from a forum member:

             "I understand that men will do anything for boom boom.  Clean the attic, mow the grass, etc.  I get that.  I also understand that as a woman I can get stuff done by dangling a little boom boom."

             "But here's my question: why should it take boom boom to get things done?  Why won't my guy just WANT to clean the attic, mow the grass and things like that?  Why must I dangle boom boom?"

If you're concerned that there's a "trade" for cleaning the attic in exchange for boom boom, and he should just WANT to clean the attic, I say look at it from his perspective: you should just WANT to boom boom.  That's what he's thinking.

This thing about not wanting to "trade" boom boom for anything gets to the point about expectations for the elevated stature of boom boom.  It is special.  It's not a commodity. 

But we're all busy people. 

I used to try to make the boom boom set up perfect: when she's rested, has nothing she needs to get done, candle light, etc.  Here's how that turned out: once every couple of months she was rested, there was some God-awful DVD with Meryl Streep, and it was a couple hours past when I usually fall asleep (because I get up at 4:00 am).  So if the "perfect conditions" are the standard, there will functionally be no boom boom.  (And, by extension, no attic cleaning.)

So you have to manage the boom boom.  Just like anything else that involves time, you need to manage it. 

"Manage" is such an icky word, she'll say; shouldn't we wait for a glass of wine and a Meryl Streep movie?  No, not if you want a functional boom boom life.  It takes time to plan out opportunities for the special thing that is boom boom.  Yes, plan it out. 

I marvel at how some people spend more time planning out when to get their oil changed than when to have some boom boom.  What's more important: an oil change every 3,000 miles or some boom boom sooner than every couple months?  If that's a hard question to answer, I've made my point.  (All the guys had an easy time answering that.)

PS: Don't take the time management thing too far.  Guys, don't use the term "schedule" (as in, "when can we schedule some boom boom?").  It's not a dentist appointment.  Not unless you're into some really weird stuff.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: cheryl1 on April 14, 2012, 01:16:23 PM
What's more important: an oil change every 3,000 miles or some boom boom sooner than every couple months?

EVERY COUPLE OF MONTHS!!!!!! Seriously? People live like that? :o
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Docwatmo on April 14, 2012, 01:18:08 PM
Thats what this thread is all about, fixing the quarterly boom boom limit.  ;)
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: cheryl1 on April 14, 2012, 01:28:56 PM
That's just sad. Maybe you men should go on strike and institute a quarterly conversation limit. When you are feeling perfectly up to it, she is entitled to one conversation per three month period.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Docwatmo on April 14, 2012, 02:23:57 PM
Genious Cheryl  ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on April 14, 2012, 03:45:41 PM

EVERY COUPLE OF MONTHS!!!!!! Seriously? People live like that? :o


Not this cowboy. 

I'm just saying that's where it could drift if people don't manage the situation.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: soupbone on April 14, 2012, 03:56:50 PM
"Boom-boom", I remember that, I think. Isn't that where you assume the proper position, take a good hold on your piece and gently squeeze the......? No, wait a minute - that was range practice. "Boom-boom", hang on - it'll come to me in a second here......... ehh..........ah........uh.........

Aw heck, when it comes to me, I'll post.

soup
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: bentwanderer on April 25, 2012, 05:29:13 PM
I'm a feminist (and a lady lol) and I'm not bothered. You're saying a whole lot of "men will do anything for more sex" sooo....that kinda makes y'all look stupid, not us. Plus, we all knew that already ;)
We are not stupid; we just work cheap!
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: bentwanderer on April 25, 2012, 05:54:54 PM
Define "normal".

I am not saying this is normal and most of you won't believe me. Tho it is the flat out truth. The guys that believe me are going to hate me; and the ladies that believe me are going to hate her. For the 17 years of my marriage;every morning i awoke in the same general area as my wife; she woke me by giving me a "french ' lesson. If you know what i mean.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: bentwanderer on April 25, 2012, 05:57:54 PM
4x a day! Obviously these answers have been skewed by bias in favor of the estrogen challenged among us.
You may have found the answer.lol
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on May 03, 2012, 01:30:30 PM
Put this up on the white board in our kitchen where we coordinate all the family's activities:

(http://i628.photobucket.com/albums/uu5/Heavy_G/photo-1.jpg?t=1336073268)

Works every time.  And it worked well for Mrs. Heavy G...

Everyone's a winner.  Except the weeds in the yard.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: ncjeeper on May 04, 2012, 12:33:57 PM
We just use post it notes.
On this weekends list so far I have:
*round up
*weed eat
*pick up more mulch and red bricks
*clean the ac coils
*Adjust the driveway security camera.
*water the front yard
I think I like your shorter list better G.  :D
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: ttubravesrock on May 04, 2012, 01:00:23 PM
*Adjust the driveway security camera.
Is this a reactive or proactive measure?
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: ncjeeper on May 05, 2012, 02:02:56 PM
Its proactive. 8)
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on May 05, 2012, 06:30:51 PM
Got this PM:

"This thread isn't all about sex, is it?  Well, let's see if it is.  I have a non sex question.  It's about discipline (not that s&M shit you're probably thinking you sickos).  My wife goes super easy on our kids; I am more of a traditionalist.  Whenever I ask the kids to lift a damn finger around the house, they go screaming to mommy, who yells at me and says that asking them to pick up their shit is basically child abuse.  Child abuse?  I'll show you child abuse..."

I feel you, dude.  I was in a similar boat.  I grew up poor and my wife didn't.  No one gave a shit about my feelings as a kid--you just did your chores and that was it.  Apparently that's not how things are now.  Sometimes I feel like my kids are the Kardashian girls. 

Anyway, I resolved this by giving up.  Yep.  My kids basically have diplomatic immunity.  They can't get in trouble for anything.  (That's not really true but it feels that way.)  I had a choice of constantly arguing with my wife or just rolling with it.  I rolled with it.  They're good kids so it's not like I'm letting them borrow the car to go out and buy crack.  ("Hey, get some for your dad!")  I think disciplining children is third on the marital conflict list, right after money (number one) and sex (number two).

You have no control over your kids when you get down to it.  Your wife, your kids' friends, and the public schools have far more control over them than you do.  I decided not to ruin my relationship with my kids over it.  Besides, they're good kids.  They get crack for their dad.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: archer on May 05, 2012, 07:55:46 PM
You have no control over your kids when you get down to it.  Your wife, your kids' friends, and the public schools have far more control over them than you do.  I decided not to ruin my relationship with my kids over it.  Besides, they're good kids.  They get crack for their dad.
that's why you are soo happy most of the time
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: TexasGirl on May 06, 2012, 12:52:00 PM
...I decided not to ruin my relationship with my kids over it.  Besides, they're good kids.  They get crack for their dad.

Times have surely changed.  When I was in highschool, sometimes you could catch the boys talking under their breath about trying to find some crack, but it had nothing to do with drugs.

There.  That should put the theme of your marriage thread back on it's "normal" track!

~TG
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: TexDaddy on May 06, 2012, 08:22:04 PM
Actually, the public schools have absolutely no influence on my children what so ever. They have never even been inside a public school building. They don't set our curriculum and they don't make our rules.

You right about one thing. My wife has control of the children. They ask permission to do their laundry.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on May 23, 2012, 09:15:12 PM
Got a PM today:

"HG~

I have some valuable collectibles.  My wife wants me to get rid of them.  She says they "clutter" up the house.  What should I do?"

[I PM'd him back and found out they're Star Wars collectibles.]

Hmmm... no obvious boom boom solution here.  I might be stumped.

Do NOT get rid of those.  They're worth a fortune.  Find a friend and store them at his house. Or, if you can swing it financially, get a rental storage unit. 

You'll resent her for the rest of your life if you get rid of these things.  Hey, she's no Princess Leia.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: TexasGirl on May 23, 2012, 11:40:33 PM
Alternative suggestion.

Agree with your wife, tell her she was right, you were being foolish.  Help her off the floor when she comes to.  This will stop the internal emotional snowball that you have obviously not noticed.

Sell the collectables (while someone else will still pay good money for them).  They are intrinsic for only one half the relationship, anti-trinsic for the other half.  Non-edible during a crisis situation, owning them was obviously going to create a crisis situation.  This will allow someone else to inherit the crisis, it's nice to pay some things forward.

Buy your wife something special. (additional Boom Boom insurance)  If you buy yourself a gun also, do not exceed what $$$ she gets to spend (that's important!) and do not appear to enjoy it more than she enjoys her something special.  Spend the remainder on food storage as insurance "for both of you."

Be thankful the Force is now with you, not against you.   

~TG
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: hobbs67 on May 24, 2012, 08:09:42 AM
Is anyone else shocked by the fact that Star Wars collectibles and wife was actually used in the same question and that the wife appears to be not made up?  I'm flabbergasted. ;D



Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Josh the Aspie on May 24, 2012, 11:32:41 AM
Do you know why she dislikes your collectibles?  Have you tried understanding her feelings about the situation?  If you haven't yet, and you go to the trouble of understanding her perspective and feelings, you may well desire to do as she asks anyway.

Also, looking at Texas Girl's advice, I'm reminded of the idea that a man isn't allowed to have anything that's his, that he greatly likes in his own home.  x.x  That, or it's consigned to some kind of "man cave" and the wife claims the rest of the house.  I'm not saying that's the case here, or at Texas Girl's place, but that could be the dynamic that is being set up, and that's not a healthy dynamic.

If this is the case, I'd say that this sort of thing cuts both ways.  If she has a collection that you don't like, then either she doesn't know this fact, or she's being hypocritical.  In this case, you might try following Texas Girl's advice, but also adding that you should also sell off her non-edible, space-consuming anti-intrinsic collection at the same time, since she feels so strongly about getting rid of collections.  Yes, if you have limited space and wind up tripping over them, this includes the "sacred" shoe collection.

If she doesn't have any collections, and cleans a lot of her stuff out into the trash/donation bins, then I'd say she's simply got a standard she likes to adhere to, and is attempting to do so.  Far less problematic, and if it's a healthy standard for your living space and relationship in general, it should be encouraged (especially if she does the cleaning).

-----

Also, no.  Star Wars is mainstream.  The majority of Americans have seen Star Wars, and many have owned something or other star-wars at a time in their lives.  Collecting Star Wars memorabilia is no more surprising than collecting sports junk, stamps, or books.  Now if he had said something like a collection of Fredy Crugar masks, or a framed collection of Sci-Fi babe posters, or a collection of nose-hair trimmers, then I might have been surprised.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: charles on May 24, 2012, 11:42:47 AM
I follow a rule my old man told me, what ever you spend on yourself at least 1.5X more on the wife. Example, I got a blackberry playbook  I got her an Ipad 2 that she wanted.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: TexasGirl on May 24, 2012, 12:30:16 PM
<--- Collects Blue Sky ceramic churches, Boyd's mohair bears, spices (100+), and recipes.  Her house seems to collect dust.

I'm not saying that's the case here, or at Texas Girl's place

TexasGirl claims the whole house, but she's single and can do that.  She also realizes that at the point she finds another husband, there will be concessions, like half the shoes may go (if he wants any closet space).  But she is not opposed to him collecting guy things like guns.  They might even look good sitting next to her bullets.

After all, a healthy marriage involves lovingly give-and-take.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: archer on May 24, 2012, 12:35:45 PM
After all, a healthy marriage involves lovingly give-and-take.
boom-boom!
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Josh the Aspie on May 24, 2012, 12:44:41 PM
Yeah, I saw you talking about ex-husbands, but I wasn't sure you hadn't re-married since the last X, and didn't want to spout off about a situation I wasn't sure about.  All I did was point out that I wasn't making a claim.

As far as I'm concerned, everyone has a few types of collections that are intrinsic to their nature, and that need to be respected.  For example, I am willing to get rid of some of my books, especially if there is a space or money emergency.  But no one should ever expect me to get rid of all of my books simply for space or convenience reasons (or even a third).  Similarly with my computer equipment and bone-yard.  I am a computer and reading guy.  If you like me, it's probably at least partially for my brains, and those books tend to help with that.  :P  My collections tend to be mostly practical things, tools of some variety or another, mostly for use, but sometimes tools for recreation (known by some as "toys" *eyeroll*).

Both people need to respect the collection types that are linked to the other person's activities and nature.  Other types of collections should be more negotiable.

I definitely agree with the give and take.  In a marriage you, your nature, and your talents don't just belong to yourself any more, even within the earthly realm.  Of course, I'm single, and will continue to be so until I find the right woman (and likely until we repeal marriage 2.0) so what do I know?
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Morning Sunshine on May 24, 2012, 12:48:20 PM
I follow a rule my old man told me, what ever you spend on yourself at least 1.5X more on the wife. Example, I got a blackberry playbook  I got her an Ipad 2 that she wanted.

hubby got after me last night for not spending money in my "fun" budget for so many months years it has now accumulated to $700.  he said he spends all his, and I feel guilty for wanting something like a tumbling composter.  he asked if I felt bad that he was spending money on himself.  "no, you work so hard for our family, you need some fun stuff."  "so do you!"  so I quickly thought up a perfect excuse: "I am saving for a big family vacation."  he bought it.

I know, I am an odd woman, not liking to spend money.  I hate shoes.  I dislike shopping for clothes.  I hate nik-naks and other clutter-y things.  But I know I have a good man.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: TexasGirl on May 24, 2012, 01:02:52 PM
Yeah, I saw you talking about ex-husbands...

No, not plural.  And was married for 24 years.

I've been divorced for almost 6 years, a good single man is hard to find.  As you saw, I'm open to reducing things like shoes, or even liquidating non essential things.  One guy I dated thought I should only need 3 pairs of shoes (a black, a brown, and sneakers)  He didn't make the cut.

Maybe he was afraid of boots?

LOL

~TG
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Josh the Aspie on May 24, 2012, 01:19:10 PM
Ah, my error.

And I'm not sure.  My mother is a shoe person, and I never got it, but she kept giving me shoes, and these days I have more shoes than most guys do, even among the ones I don't intend to scrap, or give away.

I have my 2 colors of dress shoes, sneakers, dojo vibrams, every-day vibrams, porch-sandles by the porch-door, and some generic berkenstocks (no, they are not big, black, funky, and never belonged to a guy named berney).  There's also thongs for gym showers.  I have a pair of boots that don't fit as well.  Still looking for a pair that do.  These would be limited to use for hiking in rocky terrain that vibrams somehow could not handle, or for extended treks where my feet would be under snow 40+% of the time.  Like lava flows, or Alaska, or shoveling snow.

I also have several shoes I just haven't bothered to sort together and take to a donation location, or tear apart to harvest the leather for projects yet.  However, I have always viewed shoe shopping as an excruciatingly frustrating experience, and if someone wanted to take me shoe shopping, I'd much rather go have my teeth cleaned... unless they said we were shopping at the mythical lost store of shoes that are actually designed to fit feet, and be used as the tools they are.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Sister Wolf on May 24, 2012, 07:22:56 PM
Josh-who-likes-shoes? Meet TG-who-likes-shoes. Honestly, you guys would make a pretty darn cute couple.

*steps back and grins*  :popcorn:
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: TexasGirl on May 24, 2012, 08:45:09 PM
LOL

Sis, hun...   I appreciate the thought, but I think Josh is younger than my son.

~TG
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: bdhutier on May 24, 2012, 09:23:45 PM
... since she feels so strongly about getting rid of collections.  Yes, if you have limited space and wind up tripping over them, this includes the "sacred" shoe collection.

Just throwing it out there: High heels are exempt from the above policy.  She can have as many of those as she wants...  :excited:
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Josh the Aspie on May 24, 2012, 09:50:50 PM
Heh.  Well thanks Sister Wolf.  For some reason people keep trying to set me up with lady friends.  Rarely, if any, anyone interested in the position herself, though... and I haven't had much luck there either.  x.x I'll stop before I get maudlin.

Also, I am not a shoe junky, and find shoe junkies disturbing.  I am merely someone who recognizes shoes as tools.

And for the record, I am young at heart, but I'm definitely in the range that high school kids, and young adults going for their bachelors would call old.  Then again, some of that young-at heart might be considered immaturity due to not having a tiny life depending on my responsibility yet.

Now, as for high heels... I have come to understand that the design and use of these is to make a woman "look sexy" by making her butt stick out.  I acknowledge that they are a tool for a specific use.  Personally, I would rather she wear shoes that help her be sexy, by giving her legs a nice "barefoot" workout, so that her butt is up as high as it is in shoes even when she's shuffling around in the morning.  Also, fun outside of the bedroom is as important as fun inside the bedroom, (perhaps more so), and the more practical the shoes she wears, the more fun things we can do together.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: BadgerAngel on May 25, 2012, 06:51:41 AM
Josh-who-likes-shoes? Meet TG-who-likes-shoes. Honestly, you guys would make a pretty darn cute couple.

*steps back and grins*  :popcorn:

Sister Wolf, you took the words right out of my mouth.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Josh the Aspie on May 25, 2012, 07:29:28 AM
... why do I get the feeling that one of the pastimes of prepper matriarchs is to find un-attached preppers to attach, thus encouraging a new prepper generation?
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Morning Sunshine on May 25, 2012, 07:33:42 AM
... why do I get the feeling that one of the pastimes of prepper matriarchs is to find un-attached preppers to attach, thus encouraging a new prepper generation?

because it is long term prepping for the future :)
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Josh the Aspie on May 25, 2012, 07:36:02 AM
because it is long term prepping for the future :)

Ahhhsoooooo.  I see this perspective.

Might I suggest that they break out the cast iron frying pans and thwap upside the head the gits and ninnies that scare prepper guys off and away from the concept that it's even possible to find wedded bliss?
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: hobbs67 on May 25, 2012, 07:59:52 AM
hubby got after me last night for not spending money in my "fun" budget for so many months years it has now accumulated to $700.  he said he spends all his, and I feel guilty for wanting something like a tumbling composter.  he asked if I felt bad that he was spending money on himself.  "no, you work so hard for our family, you need some fun stuff."  "so do you!"  so I quickly thought up a perfect excuse: "I am saving for a big family vacation."  he bought it.

I know, I am an odd woman, not liking to spend money.  I hate shoes.  I dislike shopping for clothes.  I hate nik-naks and other clutter-y things.  But I know I have a good man.

MS -- You sound just like my wife.  She has trouble buying things at thrift stores for herself if they cost more then $2, she will wait years on stuff until she finds it in the right price range....and yet somehow pulls off a beautiful wardrobe, including lots of shoes.  You thrifty ladies amaze me.  (Me, I walk in the store and say "those boots over there look like they kind of fit" and then wear them for years whether they fit or not).

Josh -- I was just kidding about the star wars collectibles -- a stereotype flashed into my mind and made me giggle is all.

An honest answer to the question -- Marriage at heart is about leaving yourself behind as an individual in order to join together and make something better, dying to self to make a great couple.  Sometimes that involves sacrifice, particularly if that involves something that in the larger scheme of things is quite disposable.

The wife may also have negative connotations with the star wars figures thinking that the spouse is not willing to let go of his childhood/adolescence, a problem that is all too common these days. 
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: TexasGirl on May 25, 2012, 08:43:42 AM
because it is long term prepping for the future :)

MS, I'm long past that stage of life, except maybe thru mentoring.  But not so old that I refuse to buy green bananas, although I do remember the live report of when JFK was shot. 

Now, if you run across someone about 50 that's tall....    well, I might even liquidate some of my collections (other than the more fashionable beans, bullets, and band-aids, of course!)

I would hate to end up back on this thread asking how to save marriage #2!

~TG

PS,  Is anyone else seeing banner ads for shoe shaped tape dispensers on this thread?  Isn't Google wonderful?  Geez!
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: BadgerAngel on May 26, 2012, 12:36:44 PM
... why do I get the feeling that one of the pastimes of prepper matriarchs is to find un-attached preppers to attach, thus encouraging a new prepper generation?

Someday, I aspire to be a prepper matriarch.  Right now, I am but a grasshopper, learning at the Elder's feet.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Dainty on May 26, 2012, 04:54:42 PM
PS,  Is anyone else seeing banner ads for shoe shaped tape dispensers on this thread?  Isn't Google wonderful?  Geez!

Nope, I'm seeing a "Divorce for Men" ad.  :rofl: Way to miss the point, Google. ::)
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Sister Wolf on May 27, 2012, 03:29:25 AM
Awww, a prepper matriarch. At 30 yrs old. I'm.... Honored. I was just noticing the give-and-take between you two and thought it was pretty darn sweet. That's all. :)
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Josh the Aspie on May 27, 2012, 02:41:14 PM
Ahh.  ^_^ Well I'm glad you though it was sweet.  And yes, you seem to be a respected female figure that others look to for guidance, who has a position of authority in a prepper community.  That seems to fit the definition of a matriarch to me.

Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on May 27, 2012, 04:13:58 PM
Here's a PM I got:

"Heavy: All my friends tell about "make up sex."  You know, after an argument.  I have never experienced this.  What am I missing out on?"

Hhmmm...  Well, I don't go into my own stuff on this forum, but I've heard from the fellas that sometimes after an argument... the energy level is high.  From what I can piece together "make up sex" varies quite a bit among relationships.  Some couples seems to pick fights just to have it.  Other couples have never heard of it.

I gotta say that, while I'm a huge fan of marital boom boom, the idea of sex springing from an argument seems kinda sketchy to me.  I mean, I try to have as few arguments and as much sex as possible.

Hope that helps.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: cheryl1 on May 27, 2012, 07:11:45 PM
I wouldn't go so far as to pick a fight fir it, but angry boom boom is definitely one of the 31 flavors!
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: TexasGirl on May 27, 2012, 08:56:04 PM
I gotta say that, while I'm a huge fan of marital boom boom, the idea of sex springing from an argument seems kinda sketchy to me.  I mean, I try to have as few arguments and as much sex as possible.

Yeah, in all 24 years of my marriage, there might have been one time where Boom Boom followed an argument make-up.  We really didn't argue that much, but when we did, my emotional barometer was a bit twitched for a little while.  Never did understand others talking about "make up" sex.

I'm a huge fan of marital Boom Boom, too.  At least I think I was...  It's been so long ago now, my memory's fading.   

~TG

Oh, yes.  I remember now.  TG=TigerGirl.  Yes, those were the days.

*sighs*   Maybe I'll find another knight in shining armor (or body armor?) some day.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: chrisdfw on May 27, 2012, 10:18:10 PM
Yeah, in all 24 years of my marriage, there might have been one time where Boom Boom followed an argument make-up.  We really didn't argue that much, but when we did, my emotional barometer was a bit twitched for a little while.  Never did understand others talking about "make up" sex.

I'm a huge fan of marital Boom Boom, too.  At least I think I was...  It's been so long ago now, my memory's fading.   

~TG

Oh, yes.  I remember now.  TG=TigerGirl.  Yes, those were the days.

*sighs*   Maybe I'll find another knight in shining armor (or body armor?) some day.

I can't help with the marital boom-boom, but I try to make myself available for non-marital boom-boom when I find females in need.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: TexasGirl on May 27, 2012, 10:51:50 PM
I can't help with the marital boom-boom, but I try to make myself available for non-marital boom-boom when I find females in need.

Guys are so very considerate and helpful, always thinking of the less fortunate in need!  Guess that's what makes that armor shine so bright.

Most girls are a bit different, we tend to be more relational, more cautious.  We like to help others, but may not receive as openly when we don't know people very well.

These "quiet" years, the many now without "Booms," have not been due lack of opportunity.  But thanks anyway!

~TG
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on June 17, 2012, 01:31:02 PM
Got a PM in: "HG: What's the best music to make boom boom to?"

Well, I don't give out details of my world with Mrs. Heavy G... but I got two words for you: "Chris Isaak."

Baja Sessions is the best CD he did. 

Picking boom boom music is a big decision.  If she isn't into it, things won't go well.  I suggest that she gets to pick the boom boom music because--let's face it--guys can pull off their part with the sound of cats fighting or honking horns or anything.  The ladies can't be thinking the whole time, "Those lyrics are stupid" or "will this guitar solo ever end?"

Think of your lady before you put on Led Zeppelin.  Just sayin'. 
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: soupbone on June 17, 2012, 02:33:11 PM
Come, now, HG, there is only one piece that is fitting to serve as background music to a boom-boom session. A piece that covers the gamut of emotions - and resulting actions - ranging from the first shy looks and gentle caresses, through the more intimate manipulations, all the way to...........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qt5hz8fc4Cw&feature=results_video&playnext=1&list=PL808FA7F7541D6110

...or perhaps:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nt8IbnaTCk&feature=autoplay&list=PL808FA7F7541D6110&playnext=2

soup

PS: Just make sure it's NOT:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_pUQuPVuM7w
no matter how much she likes western music
s.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Morning Sunshine on June 17, 2012, 02:36:08 PM
mm, soup, I love me some William Tell Overture.  never tried it in the bedroom, but um, well.... good idea!
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on June 17, 2012, 04:13:39 PM
Just got a PM from a moderator who wishes to remain anonymous.  It says: "Black Keys!!!!"
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: archer on June 17, 2012, 09:59:49 PM
one word: Bolero
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Dawgus on June 18, 2012, 03:38:52 AM
 Here's a fun one....Make a CD or mix of MP3's. Put something completely different in the middle and see if they even remember hearing it.  ;)
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Docwatmo on June 18, 2012, 06:23:02 AM
I always figured "Flight of the Bumblebee would be....  Interesting.....   ;)
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: TwoBluesMama on June 18, 2012, 08:00:19 AM

Think of your lady before you put on Led Zeppelin.  Just sayin'.
I think Stairway to Heaven can be appropriate and sexy. 

one word: Bolero

I can only think of "10" at this.  LOL!


Okay here's some Mama advise because Heavy G I love you but this thread sometimes makes me cringe.

1) Forgive (AND forget) everything because your spouse is not perfect AND NEITHER ARE YOU.
2) Buy her (or his) chairs.  (See the old movie Phenomenon for better clarification ). Be sweet to each other OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM and it will be good inside the bedroom. This can be done with simple little gestures and sometimes the more simple the sweeter they seem.  (One weird example - my dh brings me heart shaped rocks he finds on the mountain. His way of saying I love you that melt my heart).
3) And lastly - For the guys: Listen to her but don't try to fix everything sometimes we just need to vent and need a shoulder to cry on. Try a little tenderness as we are not made the same. Make her feel as if there is no one else for you. For the ladies:  Respect your spouse.  THIS is what they need almost (well just barely) more than sex. Listen to him and treat him as if he were a superhero and he will act that way and you will reap the reward.

Sorry for the interruption.  My dh and I will be married 30 years this August and together 36 and I can't think of anyone else I'd want to spend the rest of my life with.  He still makes my heart pound when he walks into a room.  I consider myself so blessed and wish this for you all. 

Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on June 18, 2012, 08:52:55 AM

Okay here's some Mama advise because Heavy G I love you but this thread sometimes makes me cringe.

1) Forgive (AND forget) everything because your spouse is not perfect AND NEITHER ARE YOU.
2) Buy her (or his) chairs.  (See the old movie Phenomenon for better clarification ). Be sweet to each other OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM and it will be good inside the bedroom. This can be done with simple little gestures and sometimes the more simple the sweeter they seem.  (One weird example - my dh brings me heart shaped rocks he finds on the mountain. His way of saying I love you that melt my heart).
3) And lastly - For the guys: Listen to her but don't try to fix everything sometimes we just need to vent and need a shoulder to cry on. Try a little tenderness as we are not made the same. Make her feel as if there is no one else for you. For the ladies:  Respect your spouse.  THIS is what they need almost (well just barely) more than sex. Listen to him and treat him as if he were a superhero and he will act that way and you will reap the reward.
 

Excellent advice, TBM! 

The lady speaks the truth.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: ag2 on June 27, 2012, 08:27:28 AM
LOL

Sis, hun...   I appreciate the thought, but I think Josh is younger than my son.

~TG

TG,  Are you telling us that your "picture" isn't really you?   ???
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: mrdan on June 29, 2012, 10:40:40 AM
TG,  Are you telling us that your "picture" isn't really you?   ???

Of course it is. It's just an older picture.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: donaldj on June 29, 2012, 12:41:36 PM
The internet and all forums on it are made up entirely of ex Navy SEALS and female fitness models.

Do not destroy the myth.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: TexDaddy on June 29, 2012, 04:06:20 PM
The internet and all forums on it are made up entirely of ex Navy SEALS and female fitness models.

Do not destroy the myth.
Along with your occasional super hero.  ;)
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on June 30, 2012, 02:13:11 PM
I got a PM regarding boom boom music:

"Dude: In the Evening by Led Zepplin.  The way it starts off slow, builds, and then has the second build up.  Lasts about six and a half minutes.  The song, that is."

OK.  Here's the song if you're curious:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36btrVZe0A0 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36btrVZe0A0)
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on July 06, 2012, 08:42:59 PM
Here's a PM:

"Hey G,

Serious question.  I've been with my old man for 13 years, the last seven of which, he's worked nights.  There is no boom-boom.  And I'm to the point now, quite honestly, that I could care less for boom-boom.  Oh, when it happens, okay, whatever, but I just don't care anymore.  It's a lot easier to pretend it's March 17th sans steak once a week than it is for me to get wound up these days. 

Problem with that is, while he digs it, at the same time, it makes him feel like I don't care enough to go all the way.

What should I do?  Because unfortunately, there is no viagra for chicks.

Is it just me?  Is it that after 7 years of sleeping alone, I'd just rather not have to bother?  Is it hormonal?
I mean, I would rather just listen to an erotic hypnosis mp3 than have sex at this point, if I think about my needs at all.

Sincerely,

(Name Redacted)"

Hmmm...  I honestly don't know.  I'll let the readers of this thread weigh in, especially the ladies.  Ladies: You can weigh in via confidential PMs so you don't need to be public about your advice.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: FreeLancer on July 06, 2012, 10:16:55 PM
Hmmm...  I honestly don't know.  I'll let the readers of this thread weigh in, especially the ladies.  Ladies: You can weigh in via confidential PMs so you don't need to be public about your advice.

The music dies........

......G man's scratching his head.......  "What?!  There's chicks that don't dig boom-boom?!  What's that all about?!"

 :popcorn:

Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: ncjeeper on July 07, 2012, 11:19:52 AM
Is it hormonal?
Could be.
Do you take any medications that could lower your sex drive?
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: rogersorders on July 07, 2012, 02:17:53 PM

I read “The 5 Love Languages” a while ago. Great book, it had some interesting concepts that I’ve read elsewhere since but that book put them together and pretty simply.

One of the ideas is that love and “boom boom” is like a checking account. Deposits are made outside the bedroom and withdraws inside, sounds backward but it makes sense if you think about it.

I’ve learned that if I don’t make regular deposits into my wife's “love account” there will be no boom boom.

I don’t know your situation but I can’t imagine working nights is easy on a relationship. You be at a negative balance in your account and that may be killing your drive.

On top of that sex drive is an “extra” bodily function. Minor things like too little sleep, poor nutrition, too much stress and hormonal changes can get your bodily systems out of whack. When that happens sex drive is one of the first nonessential systems to get shut down. (that’s just my opinion but I think it’s accurate)

Most importantly talk to your man, he may be clueless (most of us are) as to how you feel.
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: TexasGirl on July 07, 2012, 03:00:58 PM
I read “The 5 Love Languages” a while ago. Great book, it had some interesting concepts that I’ve read elsewhere since but that book put them together and pretty simply.

One of the ideas is that love and “boom boom” is like a checking account. Deposits are made outside the bedroom and withdraws inside, sounds backward but it makes sense if you think about it.

I’ve learned that if I don’t make regular deposits into my wife's “love account” there will be no boom boom.

I don’t know your situation but I can’t imagine working nights is easy on a relationship. You be at a negative balance in your account and that may be killing your drive.

On top of that sex drive is an “extra” bodily function. Minor things like too little sleep, poor nutrition, too much stress and hormonal changes can get your bodily systems out of whack. When that happens sex drive is one of the first nonessential systems to get shut down. (that’s just my opinion but I think it’s accurate)

Most importantly talk to your man, he may be clueless (most of us are) as to how you feel.

Spot on!  +1

It's a great book, been out almost 20 years and still hits the top sellers list.  It should be mandatory reading for anyone in, or wanting to be in, a relationship. 

The same principles of languages also hold true for close family, like with your kids, siblings, or parents. 

~TG
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: Heavy G on July 07, 2012, 03:31:19 PM
Here's a PM with advice about the last posting:

"Fake it until you see your doctor and get checked out. If everything checks out physically, and you want to keep this man, keep faking interest. Women horribly underestimate how much men need boom-boom."
Title: Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
Post by: liftsboxes on July 07, 2012, 05:28:38 PM
Actually, I believe several of you have come really close to the answer for this one.  One of the big components of hormonal levels is smell, and when you think about it, most of us spend the majority of time with our marital partner while we are sleeping.  You conscious mind may be asleep, but your body is still processing information and the subtle touches and smells of just being near that other person can effect your hormones and thus your overall level of comfort and interest in your partner.

A couple suggestions:

If you can't sleep with your partner, sleep with the pillow they use when they are sleeping (or an article of clothing). 

When you're apart for a while, make it a point to touch and be touched when you do get back together.  Even if the sparks aren't flying at first, when is a backrub a bad idea?