Author Topic: My Husband of 18 years Died VERY Suddenly -totally unexpectedly, Help...  (Read 9200 times)

Offline Duchesssammi

  • Fledgling Prepper
  • *
  • Posts: 8
  • Karma: 0
  • New TSP Forum member
My husband Ed & I just relocated into Missoula, Montana a little over 3 weeks ago. we were _I still am, staying at a friends house. Ed & I both wanted out of this place ASAP...as I never realised they were hoarders, slobs, and wouldn't even give us an inch in the fridge or freezer to store any food we eat. I have no real family to speak of, and my husbands brothers basically told me I was on my own, my husband was to inherit about 25,000 or more at age 55 - now his brothers are saying for me not to expect it. Doesn't anything willed to my husband automatically go to me his surviving spouse. On top of that Ed had a bass Guitar that he had to beg his oldest brother to return to him, he sends me an e-mail this morning how he wants to keep Bass in the family and he would pay for me to send it back to him.
 I am so terrified, scared out of my mind, I can't get survivor benefits until I m 50 --I am 46...
I am so hurt I feel like I died with him - I miss him so much more then words can ever express, I loved him soooo much he was my entire world. How do I continue without him?
I need a place to live - but we had no money no life insurance, he had a small one that is sending me 1500.00 but how far could that get me?
I am disabled & on Soc. Security which is a joke.
Is anyone looking for a very clean, quiet woman with 2 old dogs and 4 cats all 100% indoors.
or any ideas?

Offline Oil Lady

  • Lady oil lady oil la-dy hoo
  • Survival Demonstrator
  • *******
  • Posts: 4503
  • Karma: 316
  • My book needs more humor. My pen needs more salt.
Have you ANY family??

--parents
--siblings
--children
--ANYONE? 

Do you have a church affiliation?  Can a local church help you?

Can you contact a local women's shelter?


Offline Carl

  • Mr HamTastic!
  • Forum Veteran
  • *********
  • Posts: 13105
  • Karma: 714
  • COW?...No ,I haven't seen your cow.
I would say you can start at this place as they appear connected to many other places that offer options for a place to live.

The Poverello Center Missoula, MT 59807  : 406-728-1809

http://www.homelessshelterdirectory.org/cgi-bin/id/shelter.cgi?shelter=9045

Offline desmond11

  • Prepper
  • **
  • Posts: 69
  • Karma: 4
  • New TSP Forum member
Sorry for your loss. What about one of those fundraising sites? Maybe the Montana board to see if anybody local could help? Do you have things of value that don't have sentimental value to sell? I would definitely consult with an attorney to see were his will stands.

Offline soupbone

  • Once made a pun out of "Mephistopheles"
  • Survival Demonstrator
  • *******
  • Posts: 2446
  • Karma: 146
  • If you think you're close enough - get closer.
Firstly, Mrs. s and I both extend our condolences for your loss. There is a reason they are called 'Significant Others', and to loose him, especially unexpectedly, is to cut out part of your soul.

Secondly, it's OK to grieve - to cry or to want to be left alone with your thoughts. Hopefully, your friends are not the type to tell you to 'get over it' or 'buck up', etc. That is about the least helpful thing they could do.

Thirdly, rest assured that your life will go on. Changed, to be sure, but you will continue. You will go through many confusing feelings - hurt, sadness, abandonment, even anger. That's all right, perfectly normal as a matter of fact. Don't feel guilty about any of those feelings; eventually you will come to accept what happened and will have the strength to build from that point on. You may want to hook up with a minister or councilor to help you over the rough spots and suggest coping strategies.

You may want to contact your county Social Services agency as soon as possible to see about finding a place to live. Being on SS/D or SS/I and without a permanent home might give you a higher priority in finding housing. May not be the greatest of places, but it would be yours.

And finally, don't be afraid to use the forum for moral support. A lot of folks here have been through some pretty rough times, and are more than willing to lend a virtual hand to someone going through their very own "TEOTWAWKI".

Good luck and keep us posted,

soupbone

nelson96

  • Guest
That's terrible news, my wife and I would like to extend condolences for your loss.

Offline Morning Sunshine

  • Geese Smuggling Moonbat
  • Survival Veteran
  • ********
  • Posts: 6161
  • Karma: 288
  • There are no mistakes, just Learning Experiences
I am sorry, I can only imagine the grief and pain you must feel.

My first suggestion is to make a list.  Doesn't matter how crazy or out there the thought, write down places that you can go.  Even add those crazy messed-up brothers-in-law.  Because as you write down all the (even out-there) suggestions, your brain will start adding more.  And one of those will NOT be crazy and undoable.

make another list - why you and Ed relocated to Missoula in the first place.  All the reasons you two believed this was going to be a good landing place.  This may help you find ways you can survive there.

I will add you to my prayers, if that is not offensive to you.

ps - may I also suggest you tell your brother in law that the grief is still raw, and you will not be making any decisions on personal effects for at least 6 months.  At that time he can contact you if you have not already.  That may help with keeping their demands out of your hair.

Offline Cedar

  • ...just aDD water...
  • TSP Supreme Galactic Ant
  • ************
  • Posts: 28429
  • Karma: 1396
  • Dont wait for the storm to pass, dance in the rain
Everyone has given you good advice... You may also want to contact someone to see what rights you have in that State.  You may be able to live in a travel trailer. If you do not have a tow vehicle, that is OK, I got mine moved around by a company which specialized in moving trailers and RV's.

I too am also saddened by your news. Each day you will get a little stronger. And as long as you remember him, he is not really gone.

Cedar

Offline Mr. Bill

  • Like a hot cocoa mojito
  • Administrator
  • Forum Veteran
  • *******
  • Posts: 14525
  • Karma: 1859
  • Trained Attack Sheepdog/Troll hunter
    • Website Maintenance and Online Presence Management by Mr. Bill
I'm very sorry for your loss.

...Doesn't anything willed to my husband automatically go to me his surviving spouse. ...

It depends on the exact wording of the will.  I know you don't have money to spare at present, but you'll probably need a lawyer to sort this out.

Offline trekker111

  • Survivalist Mentor
  • *****
  • Posts: 916
  • Karma: 71
I'm very sorry for your loss.

It depends on the exact wording of the will.  I know you don't have money to spare at present, but you'll probably need a lawyer to sort this out.

Exactly. It will vary by state, but USUALLY if something is willed to a person, and that person dies, it will go to whomever was the closest next of kin, which if they were married, that is the spouse, unless the property was again willed by that person to someone.

However, the property is usually transferred rather quickly, and you stated he would inherit it when he turned 55, so there is already some none standard stuff going on. If you want to protect your interests, you need to get a lawyer, preferably one who specializes in probate matters. And don't delay, some states have a time window during which these matters can be contested, some as short as 90 days.

My mother lost her roughly $2.5M inheritance (along with my aunt, uncles, me, and my siblings and cousins),  due to a crooked step-mother, a corrupt lawyer, and not contesting a will in time. (Which happened to be signed and dated while my grandfather was in a coma)

Offline keebler

  • Survivalist Mentor
  • *****
  • Posts: 417
  • Karma: 9
  • New TSP Forum member
so very sorry for your loss.. I hope all this gets corrected in your favour.
take care.
Keebler.

Bonnieblue2A

  • Guest
I am so very sorry for your loss and the grief you are suffering.  You need to focus on securing shelter for yourself and your animals in a safer place (physically and emotionally) right away.   You may need to reach out to an animal rescue group to help find temporary foster homes for some or all of your animals until you can secure reliable shelter for yourself.  Be certain you have all your and your husband's important financial, legal and insurance records gathered together in one place for quick reference as you deal with his burial, filing insurance or benefit claims, and in regard to any will filed with a court or attorney's office. 

There is a YWCA in Missoula that may be able to assist you and guide you toward resources.  They offer transitional housing assistance.  It would be worthwhile to see if you qualify.
http://www.transitionalhousing.org/li/mt-ywca_transitional_housing_missoula

YWCA Transitional Housing Missoula
406-543-6691
 1130 W Broadway
 Missoula, MT - 59802

You have my deepest sympathy and prayers.

Psalm 119:50  “My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.”


I am going to encourage you to reach out to family with whom you do not experience an abusive relationship.   Believers are bound to take care of the immediate needs of widows and orphans.  You may find a relative with a loving heart.    Some cousin may be moved to offer a place in a family burial plot for your husband. You just never know.  If not, you have lost nothing by trying.

When your grief is overwhelming please know you are not alone.  Hand your grief over to our Lord so that he may help bear your burdens; pray for his help.   Have faith that as dark as your days seem now that they will get better.  Just take it one hour at a time and work up to one day at a time, then one week at a time.........

ETA:  In regard to family who want something from you (like the bass guitar) in these short hours and days since your husband has passed:  Keep a hard copy record and do not do anything with that property.  It is clear they are thinking of themselves and not of your needs in your time of overwhelming grief.  You have leverage for later with these things and requests.  Right now, do not rush into any decisions that are not related to securing for your immediate needs and the burial of your husband.  You are not emotionally rational enough to make these decisions; and, in your grief you are easy prey for those with selfish or evil intentions.
« Last Edit: May 24, 2015, 11:22:11 AM by Bonnieblue2A »

Offline mountainmoma

  • Survival Demonstrator
  • *******
  • Posts: 4417
  • Karma: 199
  • suburban homesteader
Have you ANY family??

--parents
--siblings
--children
--ANYONE? 

Do you have a church affiliation?  Can a local church help you?

Can you contact a local women's sh
elter?


Offline fred.greek

  • Survivalist Mentor
  • *****
  • Posts: 768
  • Karma: 41
Know your rights and obligations.

Lawyer.

Free consult.

http://www.mtlsa.org/


Offline Carl

  • Mr HamTastic!
  • Forum Veteran
  • *********
  • Posts: 13105
  • Karma: 714
  • COW?...No ,I haven't seen your cow.
Two months and no post...I would tend to believe that our advise is not being heard.

Offline Mr. Bill

  • Like a hot cocoa mojito
  • Administrator
  • Forum Veteran
  • *******
  • Posts: 14525
  • Karma: 1859
  • Trained Attack Sheepdog/Troll hunter
    • Website Maintenance and Online Presence Management by Mr. Bill
Two months and no post...I would tend to believe that our advise is not being heard.

She hasn't logged on here since her original post.  However, this topic can be read without being a logged-in member.