Author Topic: Personal Disaster: My Wife Just Left Me.  (Read 71396 times)

Offline LadyRebekah67

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Re: Personal Disaster: My Wife Just Left Me.
« Reply #60 on: July 15, 2010, 07:47:38 PM »
Thanks.  That was a good post.  I guess I've figured out over the last week what you said, but the way you said it wraps it up nicely.

The update here is that it seems like my wife and I are actually gonna make it.

The crazy thing is, my forgiving her has totally flipped her around.  Now she's more optimistic about our relationship than I am!

Women make no sense some times...   lol!

Neither do men.  ;)  Good to hear.  Blessings on you both.

Offline BatonRouge Bill

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Re: Personal Disaster: My Wife Just Left Me.
« Reply #61 on: July 15, 2010, 08:52:08 PM »
LadyRebekah, here lies a lot of the problems and probably the root of much problems in marriages today1.  Women marry hoping he will change (he has potential); men marry hoping she will never change. (Woman feels she is marrying down, she is better from the get go) This is almost a given that socially women feel intellectually superior to men. Men are knuckle dragging cave men.2.  Men, in general, can cheat JUST for the sex of it.  There is a mental separation between sex and 'love' that can be tapped into at will.  When women cheat, it's usually 'emotional'. So Women cheat for more admirable reasons, because men’s sexual desires are more primitive.3. Love/desire is rooted in how the other person makes you feel about yourself, in general.  Love isn’t a place you fall or just a feeling of euphoria, it’s a verb, an action word…it’s something that you do!
4.  Marriage is, at its' basic core, a contract.  You provide for these of my needs and I'll provide for those of yours.  When ones needs are not being met, then comes disappointment, betrayal, anger and subsequent refusal to meet the others' basic needs, whatever those may be.  (expectations perhaps?) There are no good excuses for bad behavior! Only you can control your own behavior before, during or after the marriage. Marriage like all contracts can and should end honorably!

You missed one…If he doesn’t da  da da.. I’ll cut off his water…effectively cutting off touch and affection and further distancing both like as if womens sexual fortitude is superior and her self induced frustration is emotional justification to go outside.

I hope you don’t take this as a personal attack because it isn’t and I do believe this to be most women’s perspective so I agree with your take on women’s perspective just totally disagree with the perspective.
« Last Edit: July 15, 2010, 08:57:14 PM by Sister Wolf »

Offline Sister Wolf

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Re: Personal Disaster: My Wife Just Left Me.
« Reply #62 on: July 15, 2010, 08:56:13 PM »
Bill, I can't have ya posting in red, dude.  I'm gonna have to change your replies to bold.  The red is lost on some of the forum themes.  :)

Offline BatonRouge Bill

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Re: Personal Disaster: My Wife Just Left Me.
« Reply #63 on: July 15, 2010, 09:07:19 PM »
I prolly should have used Itallics, I didn't want to come across  too strong, printed text doesn't carry personal tones unless you are a really good writer (which I'm not) ::)
Sorry for the hijack Cool Blue!

Offline Sister Wolf

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Re: Personal Disaster: My Wife Just Left Me.
« Reply #64 on: July 15, 2010, 10:08:03 PM »
That's also a good point.  Okay - so let it be known that I changed the text to bold, and that it was not meant to be in a yelling tone of voice.

Offline Sister Wolf

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Re: Personal Disaster: My Wife Just Left Me.
« Reply #65 on: July 15, 2010, 10:19:14 PM »
I'm gonna reply to your post now, Bill.

This is almost a given that socially women feel intellectually superior to men. Men are knuckle dragging cave men.

That is not true.  Take it back.  My best friends are almost 100% men, and I do not feel intellectually superior to any of them in any way.

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So Women cheat for more admirable reasons, because men’s sexual desires are more primitive.

Cheating is horrible, regardless of the reason.  I didn't take what Rebekah wrote to infer that women were superior to men.  Only that womens choices and mens choices have a tendency to be made for different reasons.

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There are no good excuses for bad behavior! Only you can control your own behavior before, during or after the marriage. Marriage like all contracts can and should end honorably!

No, there aren't.  I don't feel that Rebekah ever said there were excuses for anything.  Take a look at what she wrote again.  She pointed to different reasons why stupid choices might be made.  She didn't ever say they were excusable.  Only that there IS a "why" if anybody was interested in thinking about it.

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You missed one…If he doesn’t da  da da.. I’ll cut off his water…effectively cutting off touch and affection and further distancing both like as if womens sexual fortitude is superior and her self induced frustration is emotional justification to go outside.

tsk tsk, brother.  Not all women act like whores.  Give us a little bit of respect, eh?  :)  Hurt you have been, hrmmm?  Yeah, that's pretty obvious.  But then, we've all been hurt in some fashion.  Not all men are a POS because of that one abusive ass-hole.  And not all women act the way you've made us out to act, just because a few of them do (especially the ones in those god-awful TV shows).

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I hope you don’t take this as a personal attack because it isn’t and I do believe this to be most women’s perspective so I agree with your take on women’s perspective just totally disagree with the perspective.

Well, that's totally your right, Bill.  And y'know, I like you and agree with you about a lot of other stuff, but on this one, we MAY have to agree to disagree.  I am more concerned about Cool Blue and how he makes it out of this than I am with his wife.  And I'm VERY tough on anybody - MEN OR WOMEN - who find the excuse they think they need to cheat on their spouses.  I took my vow very seriously, and I will never break or harm it.

But things DO happen for a reason.  Exploring those reasons does not equal giving anybody an "out" for acting like a douche nozzle.

Offline BatonRouge Bill

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Re: Personal Disaster: My Wife Just Left Me.
« Reply #66 on: July 15, 2010, 10:47:53 PM »
Ok so let me reply...OOCH,,,, Ouch!!! YIKeS!! Yaweeee!!! :o  Ok so I'll take back the part about women feeling superior, but man bashing is a regular sport and anytime I hear a woman refer to men just removing love from sex and women not is just BS. I worked in a really large homecenter years ago and watched "happily married women who outnumbered men make the rounds with men in management positions and listened to women talk about the other women only to catch them with them tangled up in the arms of the same manager they were talking about the other woman about. I do appoligize If I made all women out as sluts clealy they are not and I truly believe they are not but for every guy there is a gal...And have I been hurt...rejection does suck but it could have been much worse.
Again sorry for the hijack Cool Blue but I still have to wait for Rebekka to blast me ;D

Offline Cool Blue

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Re: Personal Disaster: My Wife Just Left Me.
« Reply #67 on: July 16, 2010, 04:06:28 AM »
Don't worry about the "hijack".  I think this actually touches on something we'll have to deal with (probably in marriage counseling) that somehow her cheating on my was my fault...

I refuse to accept that.

I'm not a perfect husband (though even she admits I'm a pretty good one) but she's not perfect either and that didn't make me cheat on her.

I'm willing to accept that she may have did what she did because she might have felt unhappy but I don't believe that I was 100% the cause of that unhappiness.

Offline evilphish

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Re: Personal Disaster: My Wife Just Left Me.
« Reply #68 on: July 16, 2010, 05:22:53 AM »
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I refuse to accept that.

I don't blame you.  It is NOT your fault.

if there was something in your marriage that she wanted and you didn't provide it was her responsibility to talk to you about it. 

Offline LadyRebekah67

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Re: Personal Disaster: My Wife Just Left Me.
« Reply #69 on: July 16, 2010, 06:38:29 AM »
I'm willing to accept that she may have did what she did because she might have felt unhappy but I don't believe that I was 100% the cause of that unhappiness.

Oh my.  In NO way was I implying it to be anyones fault solely.  Some things just are.  Examining the 'whys' can sometimes prevent the train wreck, since one sex often doesn't have the skills and know how to understand the minds of the other.  We are different and have different means and processes of getting to the same goals.  It's called complimentary opposition.  Where one lacks, the other excels.  With neither being innately superior, just different.

If men are guilty of anything when women cheat, in general, it's just all tied up in both sexing thinking differently and attempting to apply what we know to be evident to the other persons intentions.  I was just trying to help you understand some of the ways we're different and how to avoid miscommunication through the healing process.

Oh gosh.  I feel so bad.  I SO didn't intend for you to feel attacked or blamed.  I thought I placed most of the blame on her feelings and expectations, which in some women, can be lofty and unattainable.  I thought some insight into how women process information in general might give you a roadsign arrow to follow, that's all.  Please accept my apologies for not making my own intentions clearer.  ;)

Offline LadyRebekah67

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Re: Personal Disaster: My Wife Just Left Me.
« Reply #70 on: July 16, 2010, 06:41:19 AM »
I don't blame you.  It is NOT your fault.

if there was something in your marriage that she wanted and you didn't provide it was her responsibility to talk to you about it. 

YES!  That's what I was getting at.  Men aren't mind readers.  Yes Yes Yes!  Thank you for getting it.

Offline Sister Wolf

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Re: Personal Disaster: My Wife Just Left Me.
« Reply #71 on: July 16, 2010, 06:42:38 AM »
Agreed.  What she chose to do with her situation is 100% on HER.  Not you.  That's that nasty little "personal responsibility" thing that our generation seems to have such trouble with.  Sorta depressing, and enough to make (at least) Baton Rouge Bill a complete cynic :-P  but not your fault in the least.

Whether or not there might have been something that could have been done to fix it before she took that nasty jump... Well... that's a hindsight thing, and if you really are working things out with her, I hope she learned a damned valuable lesson from it.  Nobody is a mind reader.  As evilphish said, she should've told you if there was a problem, instead of damaging herself and you by seeking love elsewhere.

In any case... I'm really sorry you had to go through this.  I have an immense amount of respect for you, due to the way you handled the entire thing - including the onslaught of "hammer-like" solutions that we offered.  Nothin' but class.

Ah well, Rebekah beat me to it with her two posts.  I'm all written up so I'm gonna post this anyway.

Offline LadyRebekah67

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Re: Personal Disaster: My Wife Just Left Me.
« Reply #72 on: July 16, 2010, 07:32:41 AM »
***Ok, your turn now Bill.  *Evil grin* ***

LadyRebekah, here lies a lot of the problems and probably the root of much problems in marriages today1.  Women marry hoping he will change (he has potential); men marry hoping she will never change. (Woman feels she is marrying down, she is better from the get go) This is almost a given that socially women feel intellectually superior to men. Men are knuckle dragging cave men.

***Hmmm.  The way I figure it, men are displaying the superior tendency here.  They are finding the girl they want to spend there lives with before they actually marry her.  A well thought out plan actually.  Since in reality, most people don't change at the very core.  For a man to marry one he hopes won't change makes his choice reasonable.  Too bad women don't try to follow this good example more often.***
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2.  Men, in general, can cheat JUST for the sex of it.  There is a mental separation between sex and 'love' that can be tapped into at will.  When women cheat, it's usually 'emotional'. So Women cheat for more admirable reasons, because men’s sexual desires are more primitive.
***Again, this is a skill (Though not the cheating aspect of it) that women should more try to achieve.  (I, for one, have.)  Although I do not have much personal admiration for the often male obsession with sex, if we consider human instincts at the core of our existence, it makes perfect sense.  (Though some common sense self-control is admirable.)  Instinct tells men to propagate widely and with the most likely to birth and nurse healthy offspring.  It's an instinct as strong as that of raising the knee when something is coming at the groin area.  Considering this instinct, if men could exercise self-control and women could learn to disassociate "love" from the simple act, then there might be a middle ground to meet on.  There is no admirable reason to cheat, I was merely pointing out that the male thought process for why she would cheat would fall into the sex category, since that's what HE knows to be evident.  He might interpret her cheating as she wasn't getting enough at home.  This is not usually the case for women though.***

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3. Love/desire is rooted in how the other person makes you feel about yourself, in general.  Love isn’t a place you fall or just a feeling of euphoria, it’s a verb, an action word…it’s something that you do!

***Agreed!  As evidenced by my suggestions to offer knowledge of what to DO daily.  But in that action, a feeling is attained, in BOTH sexes.***

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4.  Marriage is, at its' basic core, a contract.  You provide for these of my needs and I'll provide for those of yours.  When ones needs are not being met, then comes disappointment, betrayal, anger and subsequent refusal to meet the others' basic needs, whatever those may be.  (expectations perhaps?) There are no good excuses for bad behavior! Only you can control your own behavior before, during or after the marriage. Marriage like all contracts can and should end honorably!

***Agreed again.  I don't believe I made excuses for bad behavior.  Just some possible reasons to be considered and addressed before being able to move forward with reunification, which was what he wanted.***

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You missed one…If he doesn’t da  da da.. I’ll cut off his water…effectively cutting off touch and affection and further distancing both like as if womens sexual fortitude is superior and her self induced frustration is emotional justification to go outside.

***Ok, this one will take a lengthy reply indeed.  If 'water' is one of his needs, it is reasonable for her to supply it.  (Since the alternative would require cheating)  Now, if women naturally approach 'watering' from an emotional standpoint, then it's difficult to supply it without emotion required.  If her needs are consistently unfulfilled, her resulting resentment negates the ability to 'water'.  If men seek a steady supply of 'water' it is reasonable that he keep the well in good working order.  It's up to them both to discover how to best do that.  By TALKING.  (This goes both ways, btw.)  In my case it's easy.  If he's parched, all it takes to prime the well pump is a good old fashioned 3 minute butt rub.  In others, it might mean small things through the day, a look, a touch, a phone call from work for no reason, taking the trash out, a word of appreciation or encouragement... Admittedly, there ARE women who will lock the pump house in intentional retribution.  If you have one of these women, it's your own damn fault for marrying her in the first place because I'm sure you saw this tendency LONG before the nuptials.  Evil is as evil does.***
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I hope you don’t take this as a personal attack because it isn’t and I do believe this to be most women’s perspective so I agree with your take on women’s perspective just totally disagree with the perspective.


***Oh poor, hurt, foul...  It's evident that you caught a not so good one at least once.  (Haven't we all.)  I do not feel personally attacked.  Guilty, perhaps, for not being clearer.  We don't have to always agree on everything.  If the world were filled with people who all thought the same, it would be a boring place indeed.  Just be aware of the influence your prior experiences might have on the color of glasses you see through today.  (Mine are somewhat cloudy as well.)***  Nice to meet you Bill.  ;)

Ok, that didn't work out too well.  Responses are in 3 asterisks up there in the box too. fixed it for you :)   LvsChant
« Last Edit: July 16, 2010, 12:12:03 PM by LvsChant »

Offline evilphish

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Re: Personal Disaster: My Wife Just Left Me.
« Reply #73 on: July 16, 2010, 08:03:00 AM »
There is one other aspect of cheating that I'm hesitant to bring up as i'm worried it may cause you more grief. 

Not knowing how your sex life with her has been leading up to this incident please don't ignore the possible health ramifications that could possibly come up.

hopefully i'm not being to vague

Offline Mr. Bill

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Re: Personal Disaster: My Wife Just Left Me.
« Reply #74 on: July 16, 2010, 08:03:34 AM »
...I think this actually touches on something we'll have to deal with (probably in marriage counseling) that somehow her cheating on my was my fault...

I refuse to accept that. ...

Okay, try it this way:

Her decision to cheat was entirely hers.  But her reason (or motivation, or excuse) for cheating was that there's something not-right in your marriage.  So whatever that something is, it's 50% your responsibility.  (Not necessarily your fault, but still your responsibility.)

Would that be a reasonable compromise position?

Offline evilphish

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Re: Personal Disaster: My Wife Just Left Me.
« Reply #75 on: July 16, 2010, 08:10:58 AM »
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Would that be a reasonable compromise position?

IMHO i would so no its not reasonable.

it would be his responsibility if she had brought it to his attention before doing what she did.  Then they could have worked through the problem instead of ending in what it ended in.

Offline LadyRebekah67

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Re: Personal Disaster: My Wife Just Left Me.
« Reply #76 on: July 16, 2010, 08:35:33 AM »
it would be his responsibility if she had brought it to his attention before doing what she did.  Then they could have worked through the problem instead of ending in what it ended in.

We're getting caught up in the blame game.  It's both of their responsibilities to speak when there's a need to, respond as best as one can, compromise as much as possible to accommodate, AND to INQUIRE periodically. 

Isn't it interesting, as evidenced here, how differently men and women approach communication and relationships.  A lesson in humanity right here in the making.  I think I like this group.  I've much to learn in here. 

Offline evilphish

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Re: Personal Disaster: My Wife Just Left Me.
« Reply #77 on: July 16, 2010, 09:07:29 AM »
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We're getting caught up in the blame game.  It's both of their responsibilities to speak when there's a need to

a lot of times these situations do end up getting to that.  however as you stated above men aren't mind readers, and its important that in their counseling that its not implied that he should be.

I don't know cool blue from adam, so i'm assuming that if he had known that their was a problem he would have done what he had to do to address it.

maybe there was some signs he should have talked to her, maybe not. 


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Re: Personal Disaster: My Wife Just Left Me.
« Reply #78 on: July 16, 2010, 10:19:15 AM »
Cool Blue --
Though I have not been through a divorce, I have been married for 11 years now, am a child of divorce and have been helping others trying to get through rough patches and through both have seen a heck of lot through the good and the bad, if I can I'll add my two cents.

First, kudos to you for being bigger than the situation and being willing to forgive.  Though we all screw up on a regular basis and all hurt our spouses on a regular basis in little and big ways, when it gets to a certain point we can lose the willingness to offer true forgiveness.  Its great for you, her and your family that you are willing forgive and see if you can restore the marriage, cause once its done, for your girls at very least it will never get undone.  Everyone has a different situation and there is no gaurantee it will work, but you have given it a chance. 

Second, the cheating is clearly her fault and her fault alone.  To blame a decision like that on another person is unfair and not realistic.  There was plenty of other things she could have done, marriage counseling comes to mind, that did not involve her violating the marriage vows.  To take any blame for that is unnecessary and unfair.

That said, it, the cheating, does signal  that there is a problem somewhere in the marriage that should be looked at.  It could be as simple as realizing that she has unrealistic views of what being married means, its certainly not butterflies all teh time,, to me that would suck btw, could be that she did not know how to communicate with you that she was unhappy and took an immature way out, could be there was something fundamentally wrong with the structure of the marriage that lead to the unhappiness that lead to the bad choice.  When I got married, I had no idea how to talk with my wife and would pretend things were ok when I was absolutely miserable which eventually lead to me doing stupid things.  My actions were my responsibility, (edit-- I didn't mean to imply that i cheated on my wife as I did not -- I did a lot of stupid things in my life, but that aint one) but it was helpful to figure out why so that my wife and I together could fix the problems and make the marriage work better.   

And I would heartily disagree with two sentiments, people change all the time.  My wife and I have changed so much over 11 years its silly.  And marriage is sooo much more than a contract, in the best applications, two become one.


« Last Edit: July 16, 2010, 10:22:30 AM by hobbs67 »

Offline KYdoomer

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Re: Personal Disaster: My Wife Just Left Me.
« Reply #79 on: July 16, 2010, 10:32:11 AM »
Most conflicts continue due to escalation. 

Seems the general consensus is she felt a certain way and escalated the situation by cheating.  Though the initial feelings may have been your fault, the cheating definitely is not and don't ever take blame for it because that's a blow your confidence can never recover from.  The moment she escalated it to cheating she was in the wrong, regardless of what happened before.

Using the opposite and wrong way of thinking, would it be ok for you to now cheat on her?  She did it first. 

And ditto on your composure, you are a heck of a guy despite whatever faults...real or perceived.

J

Offline donaldj

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Re: Personal Disaster: My Wife Just Left Me.
« Reply #80 on: July 16, 2010, 10:41:43 AM »
I don't want to rain on your parade, but my spider senses are still tingling.

She went from cheating on you to being enthusiastic about making things work in the span of a couple weeks?

I still think you're being played, and this is the calm before the storm.

Sorry for being pessimistic.

Offline KYdoomer

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Re: Personal Disaster: My Wife Just Left Me.
« Reply #81 on: July 16, 2010, 01:11:39 PM »
And...what this guy ^ said.

J

Offline LadyRebekah67

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Re: Personal Disaster: My Wife Just Left Me.
« Reply #82 on: July 16, 2010, 02:18:34 PM »
And I would heartily disagree with two sentiments, people change all the time.  My wife and I have changed so much over 11 years its silly.  And marriage is sooo much more than a contract, in the best applications, two become one.

I did say - "at their core".  Of course people change, as they learn and integrate new information, with experiences, examples etc...  In context, I was referring to the female tendency to attribute "potential" to a man and expect that she's going to change him into her knight in shining armor, whatever form that may take.  For the most part though, he is who he is, and all she will succeed at is training him to alter or control his natural tendencies for a time.  How long a time is probably directly attributable to what he perceives is a valuable enough benefit.  If he values a model type arm candy kinda girl, then if she lets herself go, he will no longer see the benefit in or feel the need to continue the 'trained' behaviors and revert back to what is natural to himself given the whole nature vs. nurture argument.  I know, it sounds crass and unromantic, but it bears out in practice, generally.  There's a difference between changing because YOU choose, and changing because SHE wants you to be, think, dress, act, talk, behave etc... as certain way.

And yes, a marriage IS more than a contract.  But if you really think it out, in context, the two become one theory only exhibits itself when both partners are satisfying those important needs in the other.   Companionship, household partner, co-parent to their kids, recreational partner, someone to vent worries to, or depend upon, etc...  Whatever ones needs and expectations are, they are generally being satisfied, with mutual compromise, by each other and immediate associations.  I ask, if no needs and expectations were being satisfied, how long would any of us stay in that arrangement?

p.s.  And Sister Wolf...  Funny how you, a female, got it the first time.  There is subtlety in female communication that men, with their sometimes quite literal interpretations, just can't quite wrap their minds around.  Oh yes, we are frustratingly and blissfully different.  It's almost a cosmic joke.  ;)

Offline Sister Wolf

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Re: Personal Disaster: My Wife Just Left Me.
« Reply #83 on: July 16, 2010, 02:38:50 PM »
p.s.  And Sister Wolf...  Funny how you, a female, got it the first time.  There is subtlety in female communication that men, with their sometimes quite literal interpretations, just can't quite wrap their minds around.  Oh yes, we are frustratingly and blissfully different.  It's almost a cosmic joke.  ;)

lol - I think a lot of the misinterpretation of your words comes from a defensive standpoint, rather than a male/female innate difference.  I know Mr. Bill got it... And G Love... And my husband (TW), and I'm sure there are several more men who understood where you were coming from.  And I'm sure there were several women who immediately threw up the same wall that some of the gentlemen here have against your words.  I know I've been super guilty of it on other subjects (police officers, and tolerance of alternative lifestyles are my two really big "DON'T DISAGREE WITH ME" topics and I'm STILL learning how to communicate in those sensitive areas).

I do totally agree about the subtlety in female communication though.  It's part of why most of my close friends are male.  They don't generally play the, "I love your dress, did you get it on the sale rack at Wal Mart?" game, and I don't like the ever-constant competition that seems to thrive in all-female circles.....And (okay, I'll say it), I can't stand the fact that it seems like most all-female circles I've ever spent more than 10 minutes with will automatically turn the conversation into a bitch-fest about how inept their male mates are.  I think that's reprehensible and I end up wanting to punch them all right square in the nose.  I've lost a lot of friends over that issue.  Eventually I just quit trying to have female friends.  I still have a few, but they're mostly here at TSP, and they don't act like that.

Offline Dainty

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Re: Personal Disaster: My Wife Just Left Me.
« Reply #84 on: July 16, 2010, 03:50:45 PM »
The update here is that it seems like my wife and I are actually gonna make it.

The crazy thing is, my forgiving her has totally flipped her around.  Now she's more optimistic about our relationship than I am!

Women make no sense some times...   lol!

Very, very happy to hear that. Congratulations to you both! ;D

Offline archer

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Re: Personal Disaster: My Wife Just Left Me.
« Reply #85 on: July 16, 2010, 04:08:34 PM »
The update here is that it seems like my wife and I are actually gonna make it.

The crazy thing is, my forgiving her has totally flipped her around.  Now she's more optimistic about our relationship than I am!
Hate to be a downer, but I'd be wary and keep my guard up still. And keep talking to a lawyer just in case.

Offline Cool Blue

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Re: Personal Disaster: My Wife Just Left Me.
« Reply #86 on: July 16, 2010, 04:22:06 PM »

Oh gosh.  I feel so bad.  I SO didn't intend for you to feel attacked or blamed.  I thought I placed most of the blame on her feelings and expectations, which in some women, can be lofty and unattainable.  I thought some insight into how women process information in general might give you a roadsign arrow to follow, that's all.  Please accept my apologies for not making my own intentions clearer.  ;)

lol, don't worry I didn't take it that way from you. 

I've often seen that attitude in others though.

If the guy cheats he's a dog and he's at fault.

If she cheats, he neglected her and he's still at fault.

Offline Cool Blue

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Re: Personal Disaster: My Wife Just Left Me.
« Reply #87 on: July 16, 2010, 04:24:52 PM »
Agreed.  What she chose to do with her situation is 100% on HER.  Not you.  That's that nasty little "personal responsibility" thing that our generation seems to have such trouble with.  Sorta depressing, and enough to make (at least) Baton Rouge Bill a complete cynic :-P  but not your fault in the least.

Whether or not there might have been something that could have been done to fix it before she took that nasty jump... Well... that's a hindsight thing, and if you really are working things out with her, I hope she learned a damned valuable lesson from it.  Nobody is a mind reader.  As evilphish said, she should've told you if there was a problem, instead of damaging herself and you by seeking love elsewhere.

In any case... I'm really sorry you had to go through this.  I have an immense amount of respect for you, due to the way you handled the entire thing - including the onslaught of "hammer-like" solutions that we offered.  Nothin' but class.

Ah well, Rebekah beat me to it with her two posts.  I'm all written up so I'm gonna post this anyway.

Thanks.  Frankly I was a little worried what people would think of me if we stayed together.

In the end though it came down to a choice between pride and revenge, or keeping my family.

Offline Cool Blue

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Re: Personal Disaster: My Wife Just Left Me.
« Reply #88 on: July 16, 2010, 04:26:55 PM »
There is one other aspect of cheating that I'm hesitant to bring up as i'm worried it may cause you more grief. 

Not knowing how your sex life with her has been leading up to this incident please don't ignore the possible health ramifications that could possibly come up.

hopefully i'm not being to vague

Oh ya, we've talked about that and are gonna look into it.

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Re: Personal Disaster: My Wife Just Left Me.
« Reply #89 on: July 16, 2010, 04:32:44 PM »
Oh ya, we've talked about that and are gonna look into it.
Um, don't look, Do! This could be potentially life threatening