Author Topic: Family and Money: A Cautionionary Tale  (Read 2458 times)

JoeD

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Family and Money: A Cautionionary Tale
« on: April 14, 2011, 04:37:02 PM »
Not looking for sympathy or advice since it is too late for that but wanted to just share the following:

7 years ago my Dad (who passed several years ago)was officially diagnosed with beginning dementia/alzhiemers.  Knowing that the possibility existed for him to be placed in a home down the road, we decided as a family to try to protect as much of their assets as legally possible (not a lot money, enough for us lower middle class).  I am not only the family oddball but also considered to be the best brain among the bunch so they put me in charge of handling everything.  Being thoughful, I did everything openly and even struggled with getting my siblings to even pay attention to what I was doing. 

I thought I had a good family with good people.  Without getting into details, within a matter of literally days this week I was "relieved" of my duties in what can only be described as a hostile take over or kinda like that person who maybe doesn't get along great with everyone but still thinks he's doing a good job and no one is complaining.  And the next thing you know, you are being led out of the building under security escort, thinking WTF.  Needless to say, I made the mistake of complaining too loudly and added more than a few choice words and even dropped the F-bomb several times.  That obviously was a mistake for purely spiritual reasons, but it was also funny how said sibling used my rant to relay what happened to my other siblings in a way that made everyone think I went bonkers first and then she decided to make the money grab based on my crazy behaivior.

Long story short, be very careful if you are ever involved in family finances and take the lead.  I honestly don't think I could have done more and have ended up, instead of the family hero, a big old scapegoat just happy I didn't get sued.  If given the chance, I'd have rather let the state take all the money than go through the deceit I just faced.  I not only lost what little money my father had wanted me to have, but I have lost a family since there is no way to look them in the eye again and act as if everythings fine without losing all my self respect.

P.S. It is never a good time, no matter how justified you think it is, to use the f-word.  It'll only bite you in the butt and unless I become a crab boat captain on the Bering Sea I'll never be comfortable using the term loosely again!

What a sad week it has been!   :'(

Offline Morning Sunshine

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Re: Family and Money: A Cautionionary Tale
« Reply #1 on: April 14, 2011, 04:42:57 PM »
"I am bit by fleas and plagued by family.  that is all there is to say."

opening line of Catherine Called Birdie by Karen Cushman.

I think that is always a fitting quote for when family problems flare up.  sorry this happened to you.

JoeD

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Re: Family and Money: A Cautionionary Tale
« Reply #2 on: April 14, 2011, 05:11:29 PM »
...opening line of Catherine Called Birdie by Karen Cushman.

Your quoting a Newberry Honor Book did this librarian and his librarian wife's heart good.

Here's hoping all your families treat all of you with love and respect, unfortunately we got the plague and fleas would be welcome right about now.   :)

Offline Pathfinder

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Re: Family and Money: A Cautionionary Tale
« Reply #3 on: April 14, 2011, 07:29:33 PM »
Joe, money and family rarely work well together. I was executor for my Mom's estate, and to this day by late sister's husband will not talk with me, and I have not seen or heard from my nephews since then. And he made the mistake. But with family, it never matters, especially if someone wants to do harm.

Honor your father's memory, and relish your life with him. Money is, after all, just money.

Offline joeinwv

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Re: Family and Money: A Cautionionary Tale
« Reply #4 on: April 14, 2011, 07:52:32 PM »
My grandfather didn't talk to his brothers for about a decade when his parents were failing. They all accused one another of trying to steal / hide money.

The old folks died after a long stint in various nursing homes. The state took everything.

End of the day, the brothers were all alienated up to the time of their respective deaths and no one got any money.

I am glad sometimes that my family doesn't really have anything. Someday I might get a few grand - if I do, great. If not, don't care. Just not worth it.


Offline ag2

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Re: Family and Money: A Cautionionary Tale
« Reply #5 on: April 15, 2011, 08:59:44 PM »
JoeD
I am sorry for the loss of your dad in this manner.  My dad died the same way about 10 years ago.  I am still haunted with my own doubts.  I think about ways I could have made him more comfortable.  And now my wife's father is in the beginning stages of dementia.

It's sad.  This is when family should come together, not be torn apart over the fleeting material goods of this world.  You shared a timeless lesson we all need to hear.  Thanks