Author Topic: Heavy G's marriage advice column  (Read 92556 times)

Offline cheryl1

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #120 on: February 10, 2012, 08:00:42 PM »
What's Valentines day?   Never heard of it.   ??? :P ;D
I think it's sometime in February. I vaguely recall my husband cooking a dinner for me once around this time of year. ;)

Offline Heavy G

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #121 on: February 10, 2012, 09:13:43 PM »
Another PM:

"Dear Heavy G,

My brother took our 13 year old for the weekend. Hubby and I have 3 nights and 3 days to ourselves to do whatever we want. Should we rotate the food storage, put up more into LTS or rotate the fuel stocks? We jut don't know what to do with ourselves. Maybe we should go on a 'bug out hike' and eat off the land?"

Sure.  All that sounds good ... if you want your husband to leave you immediately. 

You know what to do for three days and nights.  Stay safe and stay hydrated.

Offline Heavy G

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #122 on: February 10, 2012, 09:18:08 PM »

Heavy G.

I have to travel out of town for work; boss didn't give me a choice.  I leave early in the morning on V-day.  My wife SAYS she understands.  All she said was, "You better send me flowers." And she also said, "It really doesn't matter, we can't get a baby sitter anyway."  But we ALL KNOW I've already got one foot in the doghouse even though this is out of my control.

So, I figured I need to start with a pretty big arrangement of flowers.  That's a given.  But it's probably not enough.  I'm open to suggestions.

Doghouse resident.  Formerly known as AG2


You are correct: go big on the flowers--even when they say it doesn't matter. 

Here's an idea for a cost-effective flower blitz: Have some friends in town get her a rose at the grocery store ($4 or whatever) and bring it over to her and have them say you asked them to do it.  Have a couple friends do that and you'll be out of the dog house.  It's thoughtful and it takes logistical planning.  That's what the chicas dig: thoughtfulness and a big to-do. 

Then we you get home from your work trip ... boom boom. 

Offline Morning Sunshine

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #123 on: February 11, 2012, 03:09:21 AM »
Here's an idea for a cost-effective flower blitz: Have some friends in town get her a rose at the grocery store ($4 or whatever) and bring it over to her and have them say you asked them to do it.  Have a couple friends do that and you'll be out of the dog house.  It's thoughtful and it takes logistical planning.  That's what the chicas dig: thoughtfulness and a big to-do. 

THAT is a great idea.  lets her know you were thinking of her.  plus, those buddies will already be at the flower section, so will prob think of it for their own sweethearts, keeping them outta the dog house too!

Offline Heavy G

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #124 on: February 11, 2012, 06:18:32 AM »
Think how she will feel as the door bell rings each time on Valentines night and it's someone else with a flower for her.  She'll never forget it. 

Offline Docwatmo

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #125 on: February 11, 2012, 08:11:24 AM »
G,  I don't care what mean, nasty, deplorable things everyone else says about you,  You are a genius (At least in the marital bliss category).  LOL




Offline Morning Sunshine

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #126 on: February 11, 2012, 08:20:46 AM »
Think how she will feel as the door bell rings each time on Valentines night and it's someone else with a flower for her.  She'll never forget it.

gotta tell a story here.  the day before we got married, I was doing some stuff at home to get ready for the next day.  about 1pm, the doorbell rang - it was flowers for me from soon-to-be-hubby.  how sweet.  went back to what we were doing.
2pm, the doorbell rings - more flowers.
3pm, more flowers. by this time the delivery guy was like "what did he do?  do you forgive him yet?"  "We are getting married tomorrow." "Ah, he is just making sure you don't change your mind!"
4pm - more flowers.

that was all, just 4: every hour, on the hour, but it is something I will never forget.  crazy man!  (I sure do love him!)

Offline TexasGirl

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #127 on: February 11, 2012, 09:15:01 AM »
Another marriage story...

Two of my friends were getting married decades ago.  Best man shows up at the wedding with rolls of quarters, handing several quarters to everyone to give the groom in the reception line.  At the send-off, entering their car amid the shower of rice with pocketfuls of quarters, they see a coin mechanism like in a laundrymat dryer stuck to the dash.  It was set for several minutes.  The bride had to keep feeding it quarters all the way to New Orleans.

So beware of repeating gifts.

~TG

Offline zackandjen2004

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #128 on: February 11, 2012, 09:26:10 AM »
Great thread!  Right around the time we got married I read two very valuable books: The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and The Seven Conflicts: Resolving the Most Common Disagreements in Marriage by Tim & Joy Downs. 

Chapman's book helped me understand not just my husband but my friends as well.  For example, an intensively multitasking friend of mine shows me she cares when she tells the kids to occupy themselves and we sit down on the couch and have a conversation: no projects, no multitasking, no interruptions.  I show her I care when I help her with a project. 

I have a virtually-non-existent sex drive.  When I initiate some boom boom, my husband understands that means "I really, really love you."  He shows me he loves me when he brings me coffee in bed.  And that happens virtually every day. 


Offline archer

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #129 on: February 11, 2012, 01:29:40 PM »
Think how she will feel as the door bell rings each time on Valentines night and it's someone else with a flower for her.  She'll never forget it. 
just a thought, maybe you dont want men showing up on valentines day with flowers while you are out of town...

Offline Heavy G

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #130 on: February 11, 2012, 06:19:27 PM »
Another PM:

"Heavy G, I need a really good Valentine's gift for my sweetie.  Any ideas?

Ed in Florida"

Yep.  M&Ms with your message on them.  Seriously.  You can get M&Ms made to have the words you choose on them.  Not that expensive either.

Here's the web site: http://www.mymms.com/holidays/valentines_day.aspx?src=113229

I got some custom M&Ms for Valentines for my sweetie and it was only $27 including shipping.  It might be too late for Feb. 14 arrival, but maybe not.

Even if these custom M&Ms don't work for Valentines, given the short notice, they're awesome for birthdays and anniversaries.

I got custom M&Ms for our 25th date anniversary and ... it was well received.   :-*

Offline ag2

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #131 on: February 11, 2012, 06:51:18 PM »
just a thought, maybe you dont want men showing up on valentines day with flowers while you are out of town...

I don't keep friends that I can't trust.  That includes my DW.

Offline Roundabouts

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #132 on: February 11, 2012, 11:14:07 PM »
MMMMMM   M&M's magically delicious 

Offline DocRokRx

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #133 on: February 13, 2012, 06:36:14 AM »
Also, for all you men on here, make sure you are aware of the men's counterpart to Valentine's Day on March 14.  Google it and you will understand.

HA! i'll have to leave this page up on the computer for her to see!
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=March%2014th&defid=1898600

Offline Shaunypoo

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #134 on: February 13, 2012, 06:49:43 AM »
My wife reads Cosmo and other crap like that sometimes, so she is conditioned to believe that behavior outside of the norm is considered a sign of cheating.  If I got her flowers, which I never do, she might take it the wrong way.  Not really, but we don't do alot for Valentines day anyway.

Offline Heavy G

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #135 on: February 13, 2012, 08:59:30 AM »

My wife reads Cosmo and other crap like that sometimes, so she is conditioned to believe that behavior outside of the norm is considered a sign of cheating.  If I got her flowers, which I never do, she might take it the wrong way. 


Seriously?  Comso and the rest of those things really say that flowers is a sign of cheating?  If so, then it's so sad.

May I humbly present some of my outstanding marriage advice?  (Of course.  You're still reading this so you've tacitly agreed I can.)

Give her flowers.  Maybe today, the day before Valentines Day.  And then on Valentines Day.  And then some candy.  Make a whole big stinkin' fuss over her.  Make her think you've been hit on the head with a brick and are acting all crazy.  She'll like it.

Offline Sunflower

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #136 on: February 13, 2012, 12:51:11 PM »
I am brand new. Just signed up. This was the first area I viewed. I guess I will be back. I don't laugh easy. This was funny. Like the expression goes when you are screwed, you might as well s......

On a more serious note, ( I hope it is ok to place here)....
I once had a awful experience - very bad - kidnapping kind of stuff over several months --- bizarre abuse. Stuff the counseler called sadistic torture. This all happened after years of being celivant (sorry about spelling - trying to write no sex for years - divorced).

Point is that after trauma, got involved sexually. It felt healing. I have heard that after horrible trauma durng war that soiders get horney - more than usual. Well, I don't quite get the horney part, but I do get the part about feeling safe and sort of healed as a result of the mechanics that accompany the act of procreating (sex).

Anyways, I wondered if the body/mind safety net has a natural tendency toward sex (procreate) as a result of almost being shut down (killed). Just a question I have pondered.

Back to the topic and on a more lighter side, during SHTF, sex might be of more interest to both genders. Not making any promises.

Offline Heavy G

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #137 on: February 13, 2012, 02:47:10 PM »
Sunflower:

What happened to you sounds awful.  We joke around on this thread, but not about what happened to you.

I'll lighten things up with an observation I just had at Hallmark buying a Valentines card.  Guys, if you want to be a good husband don't get one of those cards that basically says what a loser you are.  You know the ones: "I know I snore a lot and fart but I love you."  You may snore a lot and fart, but don't link it to love--especially not on Valentines Day.  Let her know how much you love her and appreciate all she does.  She knows you snore and fart.  You don't need to remind her.

Offline Greywolf27

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #138 on: February 13, 2012, 03:00:25 PM »
What if you are having an argument about who farts loudest?   

I guess... in a sick sorta way... that would be the best card for that situation...

Though I doubt that would actually be the case for most...........

Offline Roundabouts

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #139 on: February 13, 2012, 03:18:19 PM »
Didn't think it was decibels that won.  Thought it was hang time.  In any case no chili on Vday.  My view on Vday is that would be the only day you don't need to show special love and appreciation.  Just as mothers day is the only day moms should have to work and not get appreciation.   Of course having your cake eating it too without getting fat ….  oh yes my little dream world. 

Offline dani3077

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #140 on: February 13, 2012, 03:37:42 PM »
Hubby usually never gives me anything for Valentines day. On a couple of occasions he gave me a single red rose. It took him forever to figure out I hate roses like that. (get me a rose bush-not the single one that will die in a couple of days!-and I prefer wildflowers anyway!)

Guess what!?! He gave me an early v-day present. He gave me 2 battery powered Coleman lanterns! He saw them on clearance for $4 each and picked me up 2. What makes this an extra special present is that he is not really into the whole being prepared thing. He also doesn't understand why I want back ups of stuff. We have flashlights, we have kerosene lanterns, why do we need battery lanterns? Regardless, he saw me looking at them the other day and when they went on clearance-he bought them!

And yes, before you ask, I thanked him properly!!!

Offline Greywolf27

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #141 on: February 13, 2012, 03:40:07 PM »
Hubby usually never gives me anything for Valentines day. On a couple of occasions he gave me a single red rose. It took him forever to figure out I hate roses like that. (get me a rose bush-not the single one that will die in a couple of days!-and I prefer wildflowers anyway!)

Guess what!?! He gave me an early v-day present. He gave me 2 battery powered Coleman lanterns! He saw them on clearance for $4 each and picked me up 2. What makes this an extra special present is that he is not really into the whole being prepared thing. He also doesn't understand why I want back ups of stuff. We have flashlights, we have kerosene lanterns, why do we need battery lanterns? Regardless, he saw me looking at them the other day and when they went on clearance-he bought them!

+1 for ya!
And yes, before you ask, I thanked him properly!!!

Offline Heavy G

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #142 on: February 13, 2012, 04:19:10 PM »

And yes, before you ask, I thanked him properly!!!


You can expect more niceness from him.  Should he get you nice things all the time?  Yes.  Can you expect him to without a delightful reminder?  No.  Play the hand you're dealt... and women have been dealt quite a method for helping guys remember things.

Offline FrugalFannie

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #143 on: February 13, 2012, 04:40:42 PM »
So what are some of the best V day gifts (or other days) you have received from/for your special someone?

Here's one I told someone about today.

Our son's name means Happy. My favorite flower color, especially roses, is yellow. I found a yellow rose variety called 'Happy Child' in a book about roses when I started planting roses around the yard but was disappointed I never found them in any catalogs. I just assumed no one carried them and they would be special order and really expensive. My husband knows I do not like recieving flowers (usually) as I see them as being a lot of money for someothing  that will quickly die. Well, he called a bunch of rose companies until he found one where he could order a 'Happy Child' rose bush for me for Mother's Day one year! Isn't he the best?!

Offline monkeyboyf

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #144 on: February 13, 2012, 10:49:11 PM »
DH and I were married 16 years before he passed away in 2007.  He never forgot Valentine Day and our anniversary on the next day.  He always bought something nice like jewelry, no candy or flowers.  I still have the last gift he got for me, 3 different size pillar candles shaped like hearts on a plate.  Every year I get them out for a few days and light one on Valentines Day.  He was a true romantic.  I would trade all the gifts and cards just to have him back for an hour. :'(

Offline Roundabouts

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #145 on: February 13, 2012, 11:10:05 PM »
Awh monkeyboyf  hugs

Offline TexDaddy

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #146 on: February 14, 2012, 07:50:06 AM »
DH and I were married 16 years before he passed away in 2007.  He never forgot Valentine Day and our anniversary on the next day.  He always bought something nice like jewelry, no candy or flowers.  I still have the last gift he got for me, 3 different size pillar candles shaped like hearts on a plate.  Every year I get them out for a few days and light one on Valentines Day.  He was a true romantic.  I would trade all the gifts and cards just to have him back for an hour. :'(
+5, just because I can.

Offline Shaunypoo

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #147 on: February 14, 2012, 09:39:10 AM »
Seriously?  Comso and the rest of those things really say that flowers is a sign of cheating?  If so, then it's so sad.

May I humbly present some of my outstanding marriage advice?  (Of course.  You're still reading this so you've tacitly agreed I can.)

Give her flowers.  Maybe today, the day before Valentines Day.  And then on Valentines Day.  And then some candy.  Make a whole big stinkin' fuss over her.  Make her think you've been hit on the head with a brick and are acting all crazy.  She'll like it.

It's not the flowers that indicate cheating, it is any behavior that is out of the ordinary.  Being more amorous than normal, getting gifts when you don't normally, etc.  I am sure that Vday and stuff like that are exceptions, but why take the risk?

Offline Heavy G

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #148 on: February 14, 2012, 06:30:17 PM »
Condolences, monkeyboyf.

Offline Sister Wolf

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #149 on: February 28, 2012, 10:24:51 AM »
It's not the flowers that indicate cheating, it is any behavior that is out of the ordinary.  Being more amorous than normal, getting gifts when you don't normally, etc.  I am sure that Vday and stuff like that are exceptions, but why take the risk?

Because if you allow an extremely stupid magazine to dictate how you act, you're ripe for allowing the rest of the idiots in society to dictate how you act.

Your wife or girlfriend or whatever she is needs to use Cosmo for what it's good for. starter fuel in the fireplace.

It really gets under my skin when I see humans being cowed by a gossip rag. You guys are married to one another, not to Cosmo/Life/People magazine. If she doesn't trust that you aren't cheating on her because her magazines say stupid things, and if you're scared she won't trust you over a teenager magazine.... I'm sorry, that's just sad.

Hey HeavyG, I have a marriage advice question for ya.

I have been married to my husband for about 8 and a half years. I ADORE the man. His body, his soul, and his laughter are my religion. It hasn't always been easy (what good thing is?) but every evening has ALWAYS ended with an, "I love you." and most of the time, there is boom-boom at least once or twice a week. Also? We've never been separated. Ever. Until now.

We are buying a home in Idaho. It is amazing. Everything about it is amazing. Our experience has made us stronger, but... I've been gone for almost 3 weeks now, and I miss him so much I might be about to explode. I've missed his 56th birthday now (although, my TSP brothers and sisters took GOOD care of him that evening), and he is likely to miss my 30th birthday on March 14th (steak and bj day? hell yes!!)

If we had the money to do it, I'd fly him up here for my birthday or the weekend after my birthday just so I could see him and kiss him and hug him and show him the home we're buying. But we don't (unless we jeapordize our ability to move up here comfortably, and so on), and it's likely to be another month or more (April or May) until we are able to bite the bullet and have him up here for a week before he goes back to California for several months to get things tied up down there. How are we supposed to cope with all of this separation? It SUCKS! :(