Author Topic: Heavy G's marriage advice column  (Read 90669 times)

Offline ttubravesrock

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #60 on: January 25, 2012, 08:48:29 PM »
I'm reminded of when my husband and I were first married.  We had my famiy over for dinner and he made the MISTAKE of saying his mother's fried chicken was better than mine.  I quit cooking altogether for him.  He was on his own for his meals.  It literally took him several years (and another family chicken dinner i cooked) before he said my cooking was not onlly OK, but that he preferred the way I cooked fried chicken to that of his his mother.  I immediately thanked him and started cooking for both of us again.

A similar thing happened when he complained I didn't know how to iron his shirts.  He's still ironing his own stuff to this day. 

Bear in mind that he was in his mid 30s when we married and I was nearly 30 myself.  I think we both had more than enough life experience and self confidence that the witholding of certain things just didn't make that big of a deal.  We both realized if the item we witheld from the other was a source of pleasure for us, there was no point in "cutting off the nose to spite the face."  ha, ha

Cute column, Dear Abner  8)

Not to sound mean, but that sounds kinda bitchy.  Maybe you should have talked to his mom and asked for her fried chicken recipe?  Maybe his mom's fried chicken really is better than yours.  That doesn't mean he doesn't like your cooking.  In my family, we both cook.  My wife doesn't have a problem telling me she doesn't like something, and I don't have a problem telling her I don't like something.  We also don't have a problem with praising each other.  I guess if you have him so afraid to criticize you that's good for your ego, but it isn't healthy for him. 

I don't really have a comment on ironing.  I work in an environment where an iron is unnecessary.

Offline chrisdfw

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #61 on: January 26, 2012, 01:15:31 PM »
Who knows ... there might be a book coming out about how a guy hides his preps from his wife.  You never know.

OK, back to the PMs:

"Heavy G-- My husband buys lots of guns.  I like to buy a nice pair of shoes every now and again.  He flips out when I buy some shoes but seems to think we have plenty of money for his guns.  Any ideas?

Shoe Girl in Montana"

I sure do have an idea.  Get yourself a nice pair of shoes.  Leave him a note that he needs to come into the bedroom.  Be in there with nothing but those new shoes on.  Tell him that both of you get a treat when you buy shoes.

Good advice, however, if I may add:

Don't be upset if he fails to notice that you have new shoes.... or that you are wearing shoes... or that you have feet.

Offline Shaunypoo

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #62 on: January 26, 2012, 01:26:56 PM »
Is every answer really going to involve sex?  I understand that alot of this is tongue-in-cheek, but does everyone really believe that men are that simple?  (How many people replying yes am I going to get?)

No offense, G, you are one of the voices here that I love to hear because your sense of humor translates well and you also give sage advice.  My fear is that someone actually is looking for real advice.  I have no problem if you want to qualify every serious answer with "you can also have sex," but someof the questions look like they are along the lines of "how do I get my partner into prepping," but without the actual prepping question.

I don't want to ruin anyones fun, so tell me if I am out of line.

Offline chrisdfw

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #63 on: January 26, 2012, 04:01:39 PM »
Is every answer really going to involve sex?  I understand that alot of this is tongue-in-cheek, but does everyone really believe that men are that simple?  (How many people replying yes am I going to get?)

No offense, G, you are one of the voices here that I love to hear because your sense of humor translates well and you also give sage advice.  My fear is that someone actually is looking for real advice.  I have no problem if you want to qualify every serious answer with "you can also have sex," but someof the questions look like they are along the lines of "how do I get my partner into prepping," but without the actual prepping question.

I don't want to ruin anyones fun, so tell me if I am out of line.

Sounds like you need to have sex.... ok sorry, I just can't help myself sometimes.

I think we all see it as a joke, or everyone else.

But there is something to be said for having sex. It usually (if done with your spouse) bring couples closer.

Offline antsyaunt

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #64 on: January 26, 2012, 07:52:04 PM »
I love this thread!  How can one NOT grin when Heavy G writes about "boom boom"?  Or when he and Docwatmo write about books explaining how to "hide shit" from wives?  We have some high level comedic talent on board here.  I'd like to tell you guys to keep it up, but I'd be afraid it wouldn't come across the way I intended it.     

Offline Heavy G

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #65 on: January 26, 2012, 07:53:18 PM »

I'd like to tell you guys to keep it up, but I'd be afraid it wouldn't come across the way I intended it.     


Ha!  Good one.

Offline chickchoc

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #66 on: January 26, 2012, 08:20:09 PM »
Hey, Heavy G --

No offense taken with your comment on my story.  Here's the scoop on the fried chicken fiasco --

MIL was a very sweet person whom I adored.  She passed away Jan 2011 at age 98.  Much as I loved Mom, she was a mediocre cook on her best days. 

For example, her idea of cooking chicken was to coat the raw, unboned pieces in Bisquick, then boil them in oil for at least 1- 2 hours.  She also made "goulash" that was a full pound (dry weight) elbow mac cooked, then mixed with about a half pound of unseasoned hamburger meat and a half can of tomato soup.  The result was barely pink with tiny brown, flavorless bits thinly scattered throughout and no flavor since she didn't even add salt to the pasta water.  Her idea of turkey stuffing was a slice of bread, half a raw carrot and a quarter of an onion laid in the cavity of the turkey, which of course was roasted for at least 6 hours (thank goodness for the injected broth in most commercial turkeys!).   

Bless her heart, she simply had no real interest in the kitchen and less skill IMO.  Of course DH thought (as do most folks) that his mother's cooking was the best in the whole world.

I, on the other hand, was basically "raised in the kitchen" by a highly accomplished cook was was also very open to a wide variety of cuisines.  (My mom passed away Aug 2011).  One of Mama's favorite sayings in the face of a picky eater was, "You just haven't had ____ fixed the way you like it yet" and the next time she'd try a different recipe.   As a result, my family expected well prepared, flavorful meals when they arrived at DH and my house -- and that's exactly what they got.

DH insulted not only me, but my family, when he complained about that particular meal.  There were some very shocked faces at the table at the time, I can tell you.

Was I bitchy to make him responsible for his own meals?  Probably, but the "chicken episode" was symptomatic of quite a course of behavior early in the marriage to which I felt I had to put a quick stop.  DH needed to know where I drew the line (and I needed to know the same for him.)

BTW -- the ironing thing was meant to be a joke.  In point of fact, DH is an extraordinarily helpful mate around the house whom I praise constantly to his face and to my acquaintances.  He is one of the most intelligent folks I've met (4 degrees to my 3) and an absolute whiz financially.  We have been married 30 years and seem to have worked out most of the bugs, but there's always something new around the corner, right?

Anyway, no offense taken.  Just wanted to set the record straight.

Offline Shaunypoo

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #67 on: January 27, 2012, 07:52:24 AM »
Sounds like you need to have sex.... ok sorry, I just can't help myself sometimes.

I think we all see it as a joke, or everyone else.

But there is something to be said for having sex. It usually (if done with your spouse) bring couples closer.

I will not disagree with that assessment.  Twice a week just isn't cutting it. ;)

Offline DocRokRx

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #68 on: January 28, 2012, 01:21:29 AM »
i'd kill for twice a week right now...

Offline Heavy G

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #69 on: January 28, 2012, 07:03:40 AM »

i'd kill for twice a week right now...


See ladies.  This is what I'm talking about.

Offline cheryl1

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #70 on: January 28, 2012, 09:16:39 AM »
So, what's normal per week? I asked my DH and he said he'd be fully satisfied with 5x/week. I would actually be okay with 1x/week. We end up hovering between 2-4x/week depending on what else is going on in our lives.

Offline CBP

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #71 on: January 28, 2012, 07:29:04 PM »
Witholding? Are you insane??????  :o :o

 I do listen, and offer the boot suggestion, over and over and over and.... All she says is "I'm only walking to the car". I honestly don't know why she refuses to wear boots. She has no real reason to even tell me. I guess it's a guy thing. Mud/rain/snow=boot weather.   

 Shopping is a suggestion I've had many times, but she HATES shopping and HATES buying something for herself. (whether she does or I do-she hates it)

 I think it's just a secret ploy to get me to continue the brick walkway all the way to the car.  ;)

 Enough of my silly issue. The others are wayyyyy better!!  ;D ;D

Certainly Mr. Dawgus, you know your wife's shoe size and, well, Valentines Day is drawing near.  Might I offer this suggestion.

Stylish through the toughest snow bank and you might enjoy them too.

http://www.misshighheel.com/electra-3000.html



Offline Heavy G

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #72 on: January 30, 2012, 01:16:05 PM »

So, what's normal per week?


Whatever guys say in answer to this will be inflated. 

Offline Shaunypoo

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #73 on: January 30, 2012, 02:12:18 PM »
So, what's normal per week?

Define "normal".

Offline Docwatmo

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #74 on: January 30, 2012, 02:16:54 PM »
Whatever guys say in answer to this will be inflated.

I took my estimate, and cut it in half to cover inflation, then divided by 4 to remove anomalies.  Then dropped out 38% to error on the side of caution and came up with 4 times a day.   Sounds about right.

 

Offline TexDaddy

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #75 on: January 30, 2012, 03:12:48 PM »
 :rofl:

Offline archer

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #76 on: January 30, 2012, 04:02:33 PM »
I took my estimate, and cut it in half to cover inflation, then divided by 4 to remove anomalies.  Then dropped out 38% to error on the side of caution and came up with 4 times a day.   Sounds about right.
 

Only 4?

Offline cheryl1

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #77 on: January 30, 2012, 04:45:47 PM »
4x a day! Obviously these answers have been skewed by bias in favor of the estrogen challenged among us.

Offline ttubravesrock

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #78 on: January 30, 2012, 06:55:15 PM »
So, what's normal per week? I asked my DH and he said he'd be fully satisfied with 5x/week. I would actually be okay with 1x/week. We end up hovering between 2-4x/week depending on what else is going on in our lives.

I think this probably deserves is own thread, with a poll and everything

Offline Maus

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #79 on: January 30, 2012, 07:18:46 PM »
Depression?

I was thinking this too.  It might also be stress related.

I went through a time when I was about 38 that work became hell.  The stress carried over to home too.  I found that I could not rise to the occasion reliably.  The thought of sex became very intimidating.  My wife and I would go so long we could not remember the last time.  Probably 2 months between, easily. 

It went on for probably over six months to a year before I told her what was going on.  While the last thing I wanted to do, it helped get us past that.

Offline Heavy G

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #80 on: January 30, 2012, 07:56:49 PM »
Here's a PM I got:

"HG: I spend probably two hours a night on the TSP forum.  I'm neglecting my family.  My wife asked if there was anything she could do get my attention back to her.  Any suggestions about what I could tell her?

TSP Addict in Atlanta"

Nope, TSP Addict.  Nothing comes to mind. 

Offline The Wilderness

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #81 on: January 30, 2012, 11:22:19 PM »
Here's a PM I got:

"HG: I spend probably two hours a night on the TSP forum.  I'm neglecting my family.  My wife asked if there was anything she could do get my attention back to her.  Any suggestions about what I could tell her?

TSP Addict in Atlanta"

Nope, TSP Addict.  Nothing comes to mind.

Have her join the forum.

TW

Offline FrugalFannie

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #82 on: January 31, 2012, 06:13:21 AM »

Offline cheryl1

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #83 on: January 31, 2012, 07:48:18 AM »
Here's a PM I got:

"HG: I spend probably two hours a night on the TSP forum.  I'm neglecting my family.  My wife asked if there was anything she could do get my attention back to her.  Any suggestions about what I could tell her?

TSP Addict in Atlanta"

Nope, TSP Addict.  Nothing comes to mind.
Get a smartphone and use it to surf the forum at work. Tell your boss you've got irritable bowel and have to spend a lot of time on the bathroom.

Offline Heavy G

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #84 on: February 01, 2012, 03:27:07 PM »
Another PM:

"Heavy: Now that the kids are older (teenagers), I want to go out and do fun things with my guy friends.  My wife is OK with it, but I sense a little bit of 'oh, you go have fun.  I'll just stay here and do laundry.'  What can I do?

Not a Jerk in Tulsa"

Ah, the buddies issue.  This happened to me.  When my kids got to be teenagers, I had more free time.  So did my wife.  We independently came to a great conclusion: buddies.  Yep, she has her friends that she runs with (as in jogging, not "runs with" as in honky tonks).  I have my shooting friends.  We both have buddies.  Not work friends, not family friends but buddies we share something in common with like running or guns. 

So I suggest you encourage your wife to start hanging out with some buddies of hers who share an interest she has.  She must have some interest that she could do with others.  Don't just encourage her to hang out with her buddies--actively make it happen.  Do stuff around the house so she can go out with her buddies.  That kind of thing.

Let me know how it works out.

PS: SEE--not every piece of marriage advice I have involves wives loving their husbands well and frequently.

Offline dani3077

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #85 on: February 01, 2012, 07:24:55 PM »
Just make sure you take her out every once in a while with that free time!! One night with the buds, one night with her.

Offline Heavy G

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #86 on: February 01, 2012, 08:52:14 PM »

Just make sure you take her out every once in a while with that free time!! One night with the buds, one night with her.


Totally.  My shooting buddies can't do what she can.   ::)

Offline Shaunypoo

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #87 on: February 02, 2012, 06:16:04 AM »
PS: SEE--not every piece of marriage advice I have involves wives loving their husbands well and frequently.

Touche, well done good sir.

Offline Heavy G

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #88 on: February 02, 2012, 06:56:52 AM »
Shaunypoo: That wasn't directed at you.  It was for everyone.  Not everything in a marriage involves sex.  About 85%, but not everything.

Hey, y'all: Send me more PMs.  I've answered all of them and need more.  Send them in.  They can be problems "a friend" of yours is having.  And I keep everything confidential.

Offline Shaunypoo

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #89 on: February 02, 2012, 07:30:41 AM »
I know, just giving credit where credit is due. ;D