Author Topic: Heavy G's marriage advice column  (Read 91827 times)

Offline Heavy G

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #90 on: February 08, 2012, 02:19:56 PM »
Got this tough question in a PM (keep them coming).  Remember: I am not a trained professional.  I think that will be clear when you read my answer.

"Heavy G: I am in a divided marriage.  By that, I mean I am Jewish and my husband is Catholic.  I am a libertarian and he's a liberal.  He smokes and I can't stand it.  I drink Pepsi and he drinks Coke.  I have two kids from my first marriage and he has three of them.  Sometimes (often, actually) the kids don't get along and accuse the other parent of favoring their kids.  What can we do to make this work better?"

Pepsi?  Seriously?  How can you drink that swill?  You need to quit drinking Pepsi and then maybe your husband will love you.  All the other stuff you mention can be cured with ... you know what.  But not the Pepsi thing.  I smell Pepsi on a woman's breath and I'm throwing up.  No boom boom for you, ma'am, with that crap on your breath.

Hope that helps. 

Offline ncjeeper

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #91 on: February 08, 2012, 09:09:56 PM »
There is hope. I drink pepsi and my wife drinks coke. Been married 18 years now. :)

Offline Heavy G

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #92 on: February 08, 2012, 09:12:27 PM »

There is hope. I drink pepsi and my wife drinks coke. Been married 18 years now. :)


My professional advice is to divorce her.  Yes, over cola choices.  See, I'm a professional.

Offline archer

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #93 on: February 08, 2012, 09:16:13 PM »
My professional advice is to divorce her.  Yes, over cola choices.  See, I'm a professional.
but what 'Profession'? The oldest one??? ;)

Offline Docwatmo

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #94 on: February 08, 2012, 09:18:20 PM »
Heavy G has now been officially warned for his "Anti-Pepsi" rants.   Here at TSP, we enjoy a very diverse membership of cola drinkers.  Doesn't matter if your a Coke, Pepsi, RC, or even a Shasta lover.  Your welcome here.


Offline archer

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #95 on: February 08, 2012, 09:28:18 PM »
Heavy G has now been officially warned for his "Anti-Pepsi" rants.   Here at TSP, we enjoy a very diverse membership of cola drinkers.  Doesn't matter if your a Coke, Pepsi, RC, or even a Shasta lover.  Your welcome here.
Um wait, we do against RC lovers... I mean jeesh! RC Cola? ;)
just joking  RC cola lovers

Offline bdhutier

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #96 on: February 08, 2012, 10:49:48 PM »
Big Red Zero, baby!!!

Offline TexasGirl

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #97 on: February 09, 2012, 12:38:18 AM »
Um wait, we do against RC lovers... I mean jeesh! RC Cola? ;)
just joking  RC cola lovers

For those of us down South that might speak with a little drawl, that's 'pernownced' "aRe-uh Cee" Cola.   And they go real well with a Moon Pie.

What ever happened to Nehi Orange Soda?  Or Grapette?

Is there hope for those marriages?

~TG

Offline Heavy G

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #98 on: February 09, 2012, 08:36:05 AM »


What ever happened to Nehi Orange Soda?  Or Grapette?

Is there hope for those marriages?

~TG


No, there is no hope.  If you're drinking Nehi or Grapette, you're 100 years old.  After all that time with one mate, it's time to mix it up at the retirement home and start swinging.  That's my official marriage advice: break off the 75 year marriage and go "play the field."  I'm a professional.

Offline Morning Sunshine

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #99 on: February 09, 2012, 08:40:30 AM »
We do not have a cola war in the house.  neither of us can stand carbonation, so we don't have to worry about it.  :D

but hubby likes to drink milk.  he would go through a gallon in 3 days if I bought it.  I cannot stand the stuff!

Offline TexDaddy

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #100 on: February 09, 2012, 10:47:40 AM »
Dr. Pepper, only Dr. Pepper and nothing but Dr. Pepper.

...but hubby likes to drink milk.  he would go through a gallon in 3 days if I bought it.  I cannot stand the stuff!
One of my brothers would drink a gallon with supper.

And be careful MS or you will end up like my Granny. She wouldn't drink milk either. One day, when she was 80, she was walking down the hallway and her hip broke, causing her to fall. Osteoporosis is not good. Nursing 5 children like she did takes its toll.

Offline moprep4life

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #101 on: February 09, 2012, 04:27:26 PM »
This is THE best thread!
I can't believe it took me this long to find it. ;D

Offline mrdan

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #102 on: February 09, 2012, 05:38:26 PM »
What ever happened to Nehi Orange Soda?  Or Grapette?

~TG

Had one this weekend. Baby girl had a peach nehi.

Offline Heavy G

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #103 on: February 09, 2012, 06:45:25 PM »
Another PM:

"HG, my husband saw that TV commercial Tom Brady did for UGG shoes.  He wants a pair.  I thought UGGs were only for women.  What do you think?

Stumped in Pittsburgh"

First of all, I hate Tom Brady.  And where I live only girls wear UGGs.  But I have seen some very manly men wearing them so I have to conclude that UGGs are not just for women.  Pretend your husband is Tom Brady and everything will work out fine.

Offline ag2

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #104 on: February 09, 2012, 10:20:17 PM »
Heavy G.

I have to travel out of town for work; boss didn't give me a choice.  I leave early in the morning on V-day.  My wife SAYS she understands.  All she said was, "You better send me flowers." And she also said, "It really doesn't matter, we can't get a baby sitter anyway."  But we ALL KNOW I've already got one foot in the doghouse even though this is out of my control.

So, I figured I need to start with a pretty big arrangement of flowers.  That's a given.  But it's probably not enough.  I'm open to suggestions.

Doghouse resident.  Formerly known as AG2

Offline TexasGirl

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #105 on: February 10, 2012, 02:10:26 AM »
Dear Doghouse Ag2,

Make V-Day happen early, like Monday night.  Pick a theme she might like, such as "Valentine's in Venice."  Take her to a romantic Italian restaurant, after all, they are 6-9 hours ahead of us in Italy, depending on which time zone you are in.  So when you have dinner at seven on Monday night, it's actually Valentine's day in Venice.  Besides, the baby sitters are more available on Monday. 

Oh, and keep the flowers coming for Tuesday, they will be more of a surprise after the Monday Tuesday.

*We now return you to your regularly scheduled marital professional*

(which I'm sure has a recommendation on what to do after dinner!)

~TG

Offline Docwatmo

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #106 on: February 10, 2012, 04:56:02 AM »
And don't forget to sext her,  I hear wives just love that.   ;)

(Yes, I've been attending Heavy G's Marital Advice University.  Only took me 8 minutes online to get my degree)   :o ;D

Offline Cool Blue

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #107 on: February 10, 2012, 08:40:09 AM »
Heavy G.

I have to travel out of town for work; boss didn't give me a choice.  I leave early in the morning on V-day.  My wife SAYS she understands.  All she said was, "You better send me flowers." And she also said, "It really doesn't matter, we can't get a baby sitter anyway."  But we ALL KNOW I've already got one foot in the doghouse even though this is out of my control.

So, I figured I need to start with a pretty big arrangement of flowers.  That's a given.  But it's probably not enough.  I'm open to suggestions.

Doghouse resident.  Formerly known as AG2

Have Valentine's the day after: cards and chocolates 50% off!

I've been trying to convince my wife to do this for years....

Offline TexasGirl

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #108 on: February 10, 2012, 09:17:48 AM »
Have Valentine's the day after: cards and chocolates 50% off!

I've been trying to convince my wife to do this for years....


Yeah??

And how's that workin' for ya?

There are many times where cheap or thrifty are good; showing love for your best-est most-est significant other isn't that time.

Thinkin' Doghouse for Cold Blue, too...

*wonders if Cold Blue's wife has Heavy G's PM address?*

~TG

Offline Morning Sunshine

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #109 on: February 10, 2012, 09:23:02 AM »
personally, as a woman, I HATE valentines day.

if my hubby does not show me love and respect every day, flowers on feb 14th is not going to make up for it.  he is more than welcome to bring me chocolates on march 10, or flowers on june 3 or whatever any day.  I will even love to accept them on feb 14, as long as it is NOT because it is valentines day, and the world says he HAS to or be in the doghouse.

*note, hubby is wonderful, and I never feel a lack of knowing he loves me.  he shows it every day and in a 1000 different ways.

Offline bartsdad

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #110 on: February 10, 2012, 09:52:13 AM »
Have Valentine's the day after: cards and chocolates 50% off!

I've been trying to convince my wife to do this for years....
I've got the opposite problem. My wife is very frugal and has a calf if I were to waste money on over priced flowers that will be wilted and thrown away in a week. She is much happier if I spend $10 on a bouquet as a surprise any time of the year than if I spend $100 on roses on Feb 14 because the tv told me to.

Offline Morning Sunshine

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #111 on: February 10, 2012, 09:58:19 AM »
I've got the opposite problem. My wife is very frugal and has a calf if I were to waste money on over priced flowers that will be wilted and thrown away in a week. She is much happier if I spend $10 on a bouquet as a surprise any time of the year than if I spend $100 on roses on Feb 14 because the tv told me to.

+1  exactly what happens at our house  ;)

Offline Docwatmo

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #112 on: February 10, 2012, 10:26:00 AM »
What's Valentines day?   Never heard of it.   ??? :P ;D

Offline Cool Blue

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #113 on: February 10, 2012, 11:13:51 AM »
I've got the opposite problem. My wife is very frugal and has a calf if I were to waste money on over priced flowers that will be wilted and thrown away in a week. She is much happier if I spend $10 on a bouquet as a surprise any time of the year than if I spend $100 on roses on Feb 14 because the tv told me to.

sigh...lucky man.

Wanna trade?

Offline Greywolf27

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #114 on: February 10, 2012, 11:23:11 AM »
I've got the opposite problem. My wife is very frugal and has a calf if I were to waste money on over priced flowers that will be wilted and thrown away in a week. She is much happier if I spend $10 on a bouquet as a surprise any time of the year than if I spend $100 on roses on Feb 14 because the tv told me to.

She isn't my wife... yet... but yeah, same story... most of the time.  She really doesn't care if it is really shiny or glitzy... it's the surprise that does it...

And what woman doesn't like to be seen being surprised by the love of her life?

Offline ttubravesrock

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #115 on: February 10, 2012, 11:46:13 AM »

Yeah??

And how's that workin' for ya?

There are many times where cheap or thrifty are good; showing love for your best-est most-est significant other isn't that time.

Thinkin' Doghouse for Cold Blue, too...

*wonders if Cold Blue's wife has Heavy G's PM address?*

~TG

Its been working out great for us.  Go to the store a day or three after VD (why does VD have to stand for Valentine's Day AND Venereal Disease?), and pick out some awesome chocolates... usually 50-90% off, and stock up for the next few months.

Also, for all you men on here, make sure you are aware of the men's counterpart to Valentine's Day on March 14.  Google it and you will understand.

Offline archer

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #116 on: February 10, 2012, 11:51:36 AM »
And what woman doesn't like to be seen being surprised by the love of her life?
depends if it is you.....

Offline Greywolf27

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #117 on: February 10, 2012, 11:52:38 AM »
depends if it is you.....

Why you gotta go there Archer... damn..  ;)

Offline archer

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #118 on: February 10, 2012, 12:13:18 PM »
Why you gotta go there Archer... damn..  ;)
'cause i'm an old sourpuss.

Offline LvsChant

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Re: Heavy G's marriage advice column
« Reply #119 on: February 10, 2012, 02:59:14 PM »
I've got the opposite problem. My wife is very frugal and has a calf if I were to waste money on over priced flowers that will be wilted and thrown away in a week. She is much happier if I spend $10 on a bouquet as a surprise any time of the year than if I spend $100 on roses on Feb 14 because the tv told me to.

Exactly my feelings... I actually like celebrating Valentine's Day by making a nice breakfast for my family, decorating the kitchen table with some simple heart plates, etc. and putting small chocolate surprises beside their plates. I really don't much want a big Hallmark holiday celebration that involves spending money on silly things. My mom started this in our family when I was a kid growing up.