Author Topic: How do I bring up prepping to my girlfriend?  (Read 8467 times)

Offline YoungGunsPrepper

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How do I bring up prepping to my girlfriend?
« on: March 18, 2012, 11:25:26 AM »
Ok I figured this would be the best place to figure out how to bring up prepping to my girlfriend, since after all this is the Lady's portion of the forum. I have been dating my girlfriend for a little over 2 years now, most of that time I was in the Army and we had a long distance relationship so I didnt really have to worry about telling her about it. When I got out of the Army and moved back to California I started building my preps alot more. She knows I carry my BOB everywhere but has no idea of how much I really prep. I want to bring it up to her but I dont know how do it, I dont want to scare her off. Does anyone have any idea's on how to help me bring it up to her? Any help would be appreciated.

V/R

Offline Morning Sunshine

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Re: How do I bring up prepping to my girlfriend?
« Reply #1 on: March 18, 2012, 11:27:18 AM »
read the flipping the spouse thread.  it will give you a good idea of how to bring it up (and how NOT to bring it up)

http://thesurvivalpodcast.com/forum/index.php?topic=3239.0

Offline YoungGunsPrepper

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Re: How do I bring up prepping to my girlfriend?
« Reply #2 on: March 18, 2012, 11:44:05 AM »
Thanks didn't even see that thread.

Offline lettuceman

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Re: How do I bring up prepping to my girlfriend?
« Reply #3 on: March 19, 2012, 08:29:54 AM »
I suggest you also ask well phrased questions rather than lecture.  Most people will start to think things through if they are give some time.  When you ask a question, pause and wait silently(sometimes this is a real challenge).

Rusty

Offline Adam B.

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Re: How do I bring up prepping to my girlfriend?
« Reply #4 on: March 19, 2012, 08:40:29 AM »
Being in the military as you have, you can also relate to her some of the things that YOU saw personally, in other countries, of what can happen to you if you aren't prepared — or even if you saw people in other "3rd world" countries who were BETTER prepared for things than people in the states are. Without knowing your situation, I can still assume that you probably have some good examples of things you've seen personally to help illustrate your point when she starts asking you why you are stocking up on beans, bullets, band-aids, etc :-)

Offline YoungGunsPrepper

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Re: How do I bring up prepping to my girlfriend?
« Reply #5 on: March 19, 2012, 09:20:48 AM »
Thanks Adam, and everyone for that matter. I will try to incorporate things that I saw/did overseas. That may just help me out a little. I have a small plan for this weekend for when she comes over. I am thinking home cooked meal off of nothing but my stored preps. Maybe the smell of some fresh homemade bread will help sooth things over a little.

Offline Roundabouts

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Re: How do I bring up prepping to my girlfriend?
« Reply #6 on: March 19, 2012, 09:22:34 AM »
I think that is going to depend on what you mean by prepping?  Are you talking basic food storage zero debit gardening type stuff or are you talking bunkers and living underground with a 50cal strapped to your truck? I also think it depends on how you normally talk about other issues. 

 In any case if what you do is a type of "lifestyle" you want to live you talk about it as you would any topic in life.  Do you want kids? Do you want to live in the city / country?  What is your credit score or how much debit do you have?  Type of house you want to live? What are your life dream goals?  All the questions and conversations you should have to know if this is the person for you long term.  Just like whats your favorite color movie food are questions /topics people bring up it's just those may not be the big questions. 

Sometimes being direct about the most important issues is best.  If you are dating someone that knows there is no way they want to be married or have kids and you do then get it out their up front first.  If you are a highly religious person and dating an nonbeliever no point in dragging it out for months or years.  It's just not fair to either of you to go on as if you are building a lasting relationship with clear deal breakers being avoided out of fear.

I also think it is important to not project  preconceived reactions of yours on to her.  Just be yourself and let her be herself without expectations of the out come.  If you are storing food in buckets you can have her help you out.  From your stand point it should be no different than say helping washing dishes after eating.  It's just something you do.  That sure would open the door for communication. ;) 


Offline Adam B.

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Re: How do I bring up prepping to my girlfriend?
« Reply #7 on: March 19, 2012, 10:20:37 AM »
Quote
Maybe the smell of some fresh homemade bread will help sooth things over a little.

Yeah, I bet it will!

I don't think it is something you need to have a "sit down" and talk over, if you are a prepper by nature then just keep doing your thing. If there is a conflict then try and get her on board, or just get her on board in general by setting a good example.

My girlfriend was laughing at me (and she is fine with prepping) for filling 2liter bottles from our Berkey and storing them in the basement after I got up to about 20-30 gallons stored. Then, our water was shut off for a day at a time while they have been working on replacing the water mains on the street — and she was happy that I had enough water stored up that the shutoff never became a factor.

Same thing with picking up free kerosene heaters and always having lots of electric space heaters etc etc (redudnancy).

When our furnace went out at the beginning of this winter you would have never known if you walked into my house (other than space heaters everywhere). THEN she was all happy that I could keep the house nice and warm for a few days until I could get someone over to fix the furnace.

Getting past these "Doomsday Preppers" / "Tim McVeigh" / "2012 Apocolypse" BS you see on TV that brainwashes the masses into thinking "being prepared" makes you some fringe lunatic of society is all you need to do with people like that.

People who have seen my neck knife I've been carrying (very few people) call me a nutcase until the first time they need a sharp knife to cut something with, then its COOL.

Having a house full of food when you get laid off or some other financial trouble — and not having to really go grocery shopping for months at a time (other than the basics) is another time she will be happy you did it.

People who aren't of this mindset by nature will scoff at you until you put it into a perspective they can actually relate to — as in something REAL that PROBABLY WILL happen, not a zombie takeover or Nazi uprising.

Here in PA, we have blizzards, ice storms, high winds, flooding, company downsizing, and a whole slew of REAL things that DO HAPPEN that ANYONE should be prepared for. Just show her those things.

Offline YoungGunsPrepper

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Re: How do I bring up prepping to my girlfriend?
« Reply #8 on: March 19, 2012, 01:37:57 PM »
I think that is going to depend on what you mean by prepping?  Are you talking basic food storage zero debit gardening type stuff or are you talking bunkers and living underground with a 50cal strapped to your truck? I also think it depends on how you normally talk about other issues. 

 In any case if what you do is a type of "lifestyle" you want to live you talk about it as you would any topic in life.  Do you want kids? Do you want to live in the city / country?  What is your credit score or how much debit do you have?  Type of house you want to live? What are your life dream goals?  All the questions and conversations you should have to know if this is the person for you long term.  Just like whats your favorite color movie food are questions /topics people bring up it's just those may not be the big questions. 


Thanks for the advice. No I will not be in a bunker hunkered down with a .50 cal. (even though I think owning one would be awesome, but not practical). As for me I have 2 1/2 acres of property with a 3 bed 2 bath house with an extra 4th gameroom I use for all preps. So for me I know what kind of lifestyle I would like to live and am working towards. I havent really talked to her about that aspect of it, but we both know where each other stand on religion and kids, luckily we both feel the same on both. (Christian and yes kids! Just not right now). Thanks again for the help Im looking forward to this weekend when she comes up.

Adam, I must agree with the "Doomsday Preppers" show its a joke. My brother loves it, but wont listen to the survival podcast. Now he has a bunch of stuff he rushed and bought but has no idea how to use. (Working on helping him out, but we both work 12 hour shifts on opposite days of the week/end but we are getting there)

Offline Cedar

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Re: How do I bring up prepping to my girlfriend?
« Reply #9 on: March 19, 2012, 02:59:43 PM »
Ask her. When it is really windy or something, ask her what she thinks you guys should have on hand in case the power goes out for 3 days. Ask her what you guys have on hand. Start with baby steps and see where it does from there.

Cedar

Offline 16onRockandRoll

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Re: How do I bring up prepping to my girlfriend?
« Reply #10 on: March 19, 2012, 04:04:00 PM »
In my case, my wife would kind of shut down if I brought it up to talk about it.  It is a normalcy bias thing.  She didn't want to think about bad stuff happening.  Once I got that reaction, I stopped pushing the conversation.  It probably took me close to a year, but she has come around.  I just started doing.  I started gardening even before this, but I expanded it, I started putting away a little bit of ammo, I started keeping more LTS food around.  Then, whenever I saw something where what I had done helped, or something in the news where being prepared would have helped, I would casually bring it up.  Flood in some other town? "Wow, that sucks.  That's when it's nice to have that 72 hour kit, so you could leave and not get stuck in your house."  Power outage in a neighboring town, "Man, that would suck.  I'm glad I have a generator so I could at least keep our chest freezer and refrigerator cold.  Hey, that reminds me, it doesn't do us much good if I run out of gas in 20 minutes.  I need to get a 5 gallon can so I could at least get a few days worth of use out of it."  Then, pretty soon she started chiming in with stuff like "Wow, those .22 shells are cheap.  Should we get a couple boxes?" or "Ooh, we should get a pressure canner!" and it has gone from there.  Things brought up about other people keep it at arms length, so someone doesn't feel so exposed.  Then when you go to the store and you buy an extra couple cans of soup, you can say "y'know, these will keep a long time, and if our power goes out for a couple days like it did in [insert town name from News], we could still cook this on the gas stove, and we wouldn't need to go out to eat and spend too much money."
Also, you have a good piece of property, start gardening/farming if you haven't.  I just recently found out that my wife is crazy about baby chickens.  We had been planning on buying a few, so I had a coop about half built, and a friend ended up with three, five day old chicks that she was giving away, so I couldn't pass them up.  There were some odd circumstances around those chicks that are too long to get into here, but my wife was not overly happy that we didn't get to pick them out on our schedule (she has some control issues ;) ).  Then I came in the house with three little cheeping yellow fuzzballs, and she melted.  Now she takes care of them as much or more than I do.  I will walk by the room they are in, and she will be standing over their box going "cheep cheep, cheep cheep!", It's adorable.  The nice thing about your situation is, it's your house.  You can get whatever animals or whatever that you want, and she has no veto (besides the significant other veto, but that's not nearly as powerful as "this is my house too" veto.)

Take it slowly, and I would even avoid having "the talk".  Just let it slowly creep into life.  Then she will start to notice whenever there is a story about food storage/prepping/guns etc, that you're not the only one doing it.  My wife is amazed how popular shooting has become (and CCW's have become national news for their growing popularity).  And seeing benefits will go a long way too, like eating fresh vegetables/fruits from the garden, and fresh eggs/meat from livestock.  My wife was super excited when we got our fruit trees this year.  She even kind of pushed me over the edge on buying them, as I didn't want to spend the money, even though I really wanted them.  I feel that in another year or two, especially if we decide to have kids, she will be fully on board.  But the more she buys into it, the more I realize I want her to do it because it is becoming important to her too, not just to support me.

Offline YoungGunsPrepper

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Re: How do I bring up prepping to my girlfriend?
« Reply #11 on: March 19, 2012, 04:26:37 PM »
I had told her about my family and I going shooting one last time (one last time as a family) this weekend. My parents are moving to Idaho (Im quite jealous). She said she wanted to go, and she has never shot before so she will be going with us this weekend. Im going to start her out on my little .22 and see how she likes it how and how it goes from there. Thanks again for the advice.

Offline 16onRockandRoll

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Re: How do I bring up prepping to my girlfriend?
« Reply #12 on: March 19, 2012, 05:17:03 PM »
BTW, roughly where are you in Ca?

Offline YoungGunsPrepper

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Re: How do I bring up prepping to my girlfriend?
« Reply #13 on: March 19, 2012, 05:37:44 PM »
Southern California, high desert area.

Offline 16onRockandRoll

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Re: How do I bring up prepping to my girlfriend?
« Reply #14 on: March 19, 2012, 07:08:48 PM »
Ahh.  I'm near Sacramento. Was wondering if you were close.  I grew up in the high desert in NV.  I miss it.  Though it is MUCH easier to grow crops in the river valley.

Offline Insidious

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Re: How do I bring up prepping to my girlfriend?
« Reply #15 on: March 19, 2012, 08:03:20 PM »
A little tangential but, and more on the relational side but .. learn her language first

what i mean..

If you were going to describe my partner as an animal, she would be a hummingbird. Like a hummingbird she likes flowers (beauty), nectar (sweetness) and flight (freedom). Also like a hummingbird she's territorial (loyal) and nasty and stubborn when push comes to shove (hummingbirds will stab each other to death over territory).

Now me, I'm an ox. I speak a totally different language. As an ox, I like structure.. plans and rules. And foolishly, I've tried to speak to her in 'ox'. As in.. '..lets put together a plan.', '..why don't we make a rule that..' etc.

Well. Hummingbirds don't do rules or plans. So all I get for all my planning, suggesting and rule making is resistance, followed by flight, followed by a fight.

So, I'm learning to speak hummingbird.. beauty, sweetness and freedom. And giving up on her ever learning ox.

(almost proposed a 'tv rule' this morning (i hate it, she loves it) and started laughing just thinking about her response. obviously, i didn't bother. alternate plan: arrange activity she would be MORE interested in)

Offline Morning Sunshine

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Re: How do I bring up prepping to my girlfriend?
« Reply #16 on: March 20, 2012, 03:19:26 AM »
wow, Insidious.  that is profound.  +1 for the understanding of people you have.


now, I am wondering what animals hubby and I are.

Offline Lee

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Re: How do I bring up prepping to my girlfriend?
« Reply #17 on: March 30, 2012, 12:33:02 PM »
I think far too many preppers approach prepping from a scarey/survival/disaster/doomsday point of view.  I think this approach is based on fear which is a big turn off to most ladies.  I wouldnt introduce someone to prepping by focusing on a BOB and taking them to a gun range.  To a lot of ladies, that just instills a fear of having to leave where they are comfortable and having to kill another person.  Sure, a BOB and self defense is important, extremely important. But it should not be the launching pad for someone who has not embraced prepping.

Where to start then? How about the grocery store.  Identify what non perishable foods she buys and buy 5x her nomal amount and gift them to her.  Explain you want her to have a supply of her favorite food should you run out or not be able to get during a storm. Repeat for  5X supply of medical stuff and other consumables, citing in case you get sick and dont feel like goin to the store or the market stops making that kind of cold medicine.
Stockpiling everday items in a home where you have a sense of  belonging gives ANYONE a sense of comfort and builds a common sense foundation for a reason to get into prepping.  Note: Stockpiling is ADDICTIVE and care should be taken not to go overboard beyond your means.

Next, I would introduce someone not into prepping by introducing them to enjoyable hobbies that mesh well with prepping.  If your girl likes the outdoors, learn to identify edible and medical plants and take nature walks together. If she is more of a indoors type learn to cook together or how to craft things that can be crafted when walmart is no more.

The point I am trying to send home is make prepping a journey you can do together that is fun and enjoyable. YOU see prepping as disaster mitigation maybe, but prepping can be embraced from other perspectives that are less doom and gloomy, which I think are the big turn offs to some ladies.


Offline Alan Georges

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Re: How do I bring up prepping to my girlfriend?
« Reply #18 on: March 30, 2012, 09:05:31 PM »
The point I am trying to send home is make prepping a journey you can do together that is fun and enjoyable. YOU see prepping as disaster mitigation maybe, but prepping can be embraced from other perspectives that are less doom and gloomy, which I think are the big turn offs to some ladies.

H...how do you have more karma than posts?  Oh yeah, it's by posting great stuff like you just did!  8) Thanks.

Offline YoungGunsPrepper

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Re: How do I bring up prepping to my girlfriend?
« Reply #19 on: March 31, 2012, 09:24:58 AM »
Thanks everyone. I had a great weekend with my girlfriend and family out at the range. Still trying to get her use to being around the guns. Sometimes I forget most people have never shot or been around firearms. With her always growing up in the city of LA she has never really been around them, or even out camping or fishing for that matter. But after a couple of dry runs and some quick marksmenship tips, she really enjoyed shooting my .22, maybe next time she will want to shoot a different gun as well. I didnt want to push her into shooting something bigger that would scare her, so I just let her shoot as much of the .22 as she wanted. After the range we had a nice dinner preppared from only the stuff I store. Turned out really nice. She started asking a couple of questions when I was making the bread. Mainly on how to do it, I explained and showed her on one loaf then had her make the second as I helped a little. Overall turned into a great weekend. I took and applied as much of everyones advice as possible and didnt bring up the whole prepping thing I just let her ask all the questions. I think I have a pretty good seed planted in her mind now, and I hope it turns into something more. Thanks again everyone for the advice.

V/R

Offline Roundabouts

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Re: How do I bring up prepping to my girlfriend?
« Reply #20 on: March 31, 2012, 07:05:25 PM »
Glad you had a great time.  Here's to many many more ;D

Offline SA Friday

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Re: How do I bring up prepping to my girlfriend?
« Reply #21 on: June 16, 2012, 07:42:11 PM »
Tell her how much you liked 'One Second After' and ask her to read it.  Then let her come up with the idea to prepare for something bad to happen.  Then agree that would be great idea and give her credit for the whole thing.

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