Author Topic: Husband won't let wife concealed carry  (Read 17993 times)

Offline cheryl1

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Husband won't let wife concealed carry
« on: August 05, 2012, 07:40:32 AM »
I need some suggestions on how to help my sister-in-law out. She's interested in learning more about shooting, and maybe concealed carry. Her husband (a cop) says no because he doesn't think she can pull the trigger if she has to. His logic makes no sense to me.

 His point-someone will take it from her and then she will be even worse off
My point-someone is already trying to kill her or she wouldn't have the gun out, how much worse can it get?

When I asked him how he knows he could pull the trigger, he said he doesn't know because he's never had to- the suspect has always stopped what he was doing when the gun gets pointed at him

Really  :o

So, do any of you ladies train and carry concealed without your husbands support? Or needed to win over your man

Offline ncjeeper

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Re: Husband won't let wife concealed carry
« Reply #1 on: August 05, 2012, 12:17:17 PM »
Her husband (a cop) says no because he doesn't think she can pull the trigger if she has to. His logic makes no sense to me.
That doesnt make sense either. Thats why you go get training and hone your skills. He should be glad his wife wants to carry too.

Offline cheryl1

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Re: Husband won't let wife concealed carry
« Reply #2 on: August 05, 2012, 12:51:19 PM »
That was my thought. I'm thinking there is something else in his thinking that he doesn't want to admit to, or just doesn't realize himself yet. 'Cause his logic makes no sense to me.

Offline Sweethearts Mom

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Re: Husband won't let wife concealed carry
« Reply #3 on: August 05, 2012, 04:01:51 PM »
He is simply trying to control her and doing a damn good job of making her feel inferior;

ps...being married doesn't mean she is a prisoner. If she has a job and her own money she can improve herself by signing up for the classes herself.

No it won't cause harmony in the home however even a controlling spouse will grudgingly respect a spouse who stands up for his or herself

I was controlled for 20 yrs before I got out and I still kick myself for that.

Offline snickers

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Re: Husband won't let wife concealed carry
« Reply #4 on: August 05, 2012, 04:31:06 PM »

I was controlled for 20 yrs before I got out and I still kick myself for that.

I'm very glad that you are out of that situation!

If your BIL points the gun at a  suspect and they automatically stand down, why wouldn't a bad guy do the same thing when your SIL points the gun at them? She may not even need to pull the trigger! This is just a silly argument all around.

Offline Entity

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Re: Husband won't let wife concealed carry
« Reply #5 on: August 05, 2012, 05:05:24 PM »
to me it reads as a projection issue:  he isn't sure that he could stand to pull the trigger if he really needs to (and so far has been lucky enough to not be tested by the need to), despite it being implied in his job. This makes him feel "not quite up to it", and thus.... he expects that *she* wouldn't be up to it 'either'

If he is nervous about what it takes to pull the trigger on someone who would do harm, then, frankly I can only suggest more training in needed, till he can get his head around it.

Offline TwoBluesMama

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Re: Husband won't let wife concealed carry
« Reply #6 on: August 05, 2012, 05:48:02 PM »
My .02 worth (for what it's worth).  I absolutely think she needs to take some training (not from hubby but from a professional). I'm sure her hubby has taught her to shoot but it will make all the difference in the world.  And she needs to stand her ground on this as I'm sure he believes he's the best for training her, but he's not.  It works better to have someone unrelated train you, you learn more.

And, as someone who carries a gun everyday, YOU NEVER PULL A LOADED GUN UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED AND WILLING TO FIRE IT.  Period.  Pulling a gun to scare someone doesn't always work. And it can have dire results.  The gun comes out when you need to use it to protect your life or the lives of loved ones.

So actually her husband has it right- a suspect most likely will stop for a police officer because he knows the officer has been trained to shoot him and isn't thinking, "well gee maybe he won't shoot me".  A bad guy doesn't know that about a woman in a parking lot and, if she hesitates, it's game over.

Offline cheryl1

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Re: Husband won't let wife concealed carry
« Reply #7 on: August 05, 2012, 07:59:52 PM »
to me it reads as a projection issue:  he isn't sure that he could stand to pull the trigger if he really needs to (and so far has been lucky enough to not be tested by the need to), despite it being implied in his job. This makes him feel "not quite up to it", and thus.... he expects that *she* wouldn't be up to it 'either'

If he is nervous about what it takes to pull the trigger on someone who would do harm, then, frankly I can only suggest more training in needed, till he can get his head around it.
I hadn't thought of that. Very good point!

Offline Roundabouts

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Re: Husband won't let wife concealed carry
« Reply #8 on: August 05, 2012, 09:15:34 PM »
For what my 2 cents is worth.  He does have a valid question.  However if she feels she can pull the trigger if need be then that is the end of that.  She as an individual has the right to carry.  Period.  If SHE wants to.  Like wise if she didn't want to then he could not make her carry.  Now this might sound rude don't mean it to be.  She needs to   tell him to go fly a kite and go get a gun and TRAINING any way & lots of it.  Then proceed to carry in a responsible way.  Seems to me that would be the case if it was a wife not wanting a husband to carry.  On the other hand if she can not stand up and protect her right to carry even against her husband then maybe she should think twice about carrying in the first place?   

Maybe starting with pepper spray and some self defense classes  or hand to hand combat classes.  That may be a good transition.  I also hate to say this not accusing or any thing but if she is a drinker or has a bad temper at home behind closed doors maybe he is just more fearful for himself?   

Hope it works out

For the record I do think more women need to carry. 

Offline liftsboxes

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Re: Husband won't let wife concealed carry
« Reply #9 on: August 06, 2012, 05:21:48 AM »
He is simply trying to control her and doing a damn good job of making her feel inferior;

ps...being married doesn't mean she is a prisoner. If she has a job and her own money she can improve herself by signing up for the classes herself.

No it won't cause harmony in the home however even a controlling spouse will grudgingly respect a spouse who stands up for his or herself

I was controlled for 20 yrs before I got out and I still kick myself for that.

Agreed

Offline cheryl1

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Re: Husband won't let wife concealed carry
« Reply #10 on: August 06, 2012, 05:41:39 AM »
She's not a drinker or anything like that, just a regular 24yo who is starting to realize how vulnerable she really is to violence. Some recent robberies in her neighborhood, plus the general increase in crime has made her think maybe my husband and I are onto something.

The subject came up during a girls night out with ten of our high school friends. It was funny because their biggest concern with carrying was that everyone would know that they had a gun on. I said really? Did you know I was carrying at dinner? Then another friend spoke up and said the same thing. We ended up unloading our weapons and letting everyone handle them and try them on. Concealed carry fashion show ;D

Her hubby has only been a cop for about a year, and neither one of them was raised with guns the way I was. I think he idea that he might be projecting his concerns about himself onto her is a good one. Both of my SILs are interested in more training, which I think we all need.

Offline Roundabouts

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Re: Husband won't let wife concealed carry
« Reply #11 on: August 06, 2012, 07:12:10 AM »
Oh so if this is a fairly new concept maybe he just needs time to adjust.  With her help of course.  ;)   I would think that if she were to get training regularly then he would come around.  Both for her and for himself.

A while back had some friends over for dinner.  The topic of guns came up and she was kinda anti gun not really but has never been around them.  Well her boyfriend showed her his then hubby said yep me too.  She was all it's a guy thing and you guys are crazy.  I showed her mine and said no it's not.  She was blow away that I had my own gun.  Even more so that she has known me for many many years and never knew.  I just laughed and said well they call it concealed for a reason.  Don't think she will ever be a convert.  Who knows over time.

Offline cheryl1

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Re: Husband won't let wife concealed carry
« Reply #12 on: August 06, 2012, 07:20:46 AM »
Hmm...the businesswoman in me is wondering if there is a market here. Concealed carry parties instead of Tupperware parties?

Offline markl32

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Re: Husband won't let wife concealed carry
« Reply #13 on: August 06, 2012, 10:23:38 AM »
to me it reads as a projection issue:  he isn't sure that he could stand to pull the trigger if he really needs to (and so far has been lucky enough to not be tested by the need to), despite it being implied in his job. This makes him feel "not quite up to it", and thus.... he expects that *she* wouldn't be up to it 'either'

If he is nervous about what it takes to pull the trigger on someone who would do harm, then, frankly I can only suggest more training in needed, till he can get his head around it.

Bingo.  Furthermore this is the same mechanism that many staunchly anti gun people use to justify their stance.  They do not trust themselves with a gun, imagining they could easily shoot someone unjustly in a heated moment, and they assume all the restest of us are just as unbalanced as they are.




Offline gundog

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Re: Husband won't let wife concealed carry
« Reply #14 on: August 06, 2012, 11:00:24 AM »
I don't want my wife to carry.

She can't shoot/handle a gun very well. She has no situational awareness.......she has no knowledge of the laws, the responsibility of carry.

She would surely shoot someone who was attacking her.......if she remembered how to rack a round into the chamber or how to take the safety off.  Which she frankly would not do correctly.

I have offered to help her get to a level where could carry, but the effort has to be hers. She is a smart woman.......she just has no experience shooting.....she would be a danger to herself, the bad guy and any good guys or bystanders.

Getting someone with no experience or knowledge to carry is a mistake.......one that can cost the whole family.

Offline ncjeeper

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Re: Husband won't let wife concealed carry
« Reply #15 on: August 06, 2012, 11:24:04 AM »
Getting someone with no experience or knowledge to carry is a mistake.......
I disagree. I think it comes down more to responsibility.

Offline cheryl1

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Re: Husband won't let wife concealed carry
« Reply #16 on: August 06, 2012, 11:27:17 AM »
Sounds like if she wanted to take some classes and get more experience shooting, then you would be supportive.

I am just curious where my BIL's resistance to her training. He actually argued that because she is a woman, she wouldn't have the demeanor to make an attacker stop. I said I know that, that's when bullets come in handy.

Offline liftsboxes

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Re: Husband won't let wife concealed carry
« Reply #17 on: August 06, 2012, 12:00:59 PM »
I don't want my wife to carry.

She can't shoot/handle a gun very well. She has no situational awareness.......she has no knowledge of the laws, the responsibility of carry.

She would surely shoot someone who was attacking her.......if she remembered how to rack a round into the chamber or how to take the safety off.  Which she frankly would not do correctly.

I have offered to help her get to a level where could carry, but the effort has to be hers. She is a smart woman.......she just has no experience shooting.....she would be a danger to herself, the bad guy and any good guys or bystanders.

Getting someone with no experience or knowledge to carry is a mistake.......one that can cost the whole family.

... and this is where training from somebody besides a spouse comes into play.  Jack has talked about this phenomenon several times, "a prophet has no honor in his own country..." being the operative phrase.  No matter how good you are with situational awareness, the fact that you (hypothetically) forgot to pick up the dry cleaning last week plays into the equation when your effectiveness as a teacher is being measured.

Hmm...the businesswoman in me is wondering if there is a market here. Concealed carry parties instead of Tupperware parties?

Totally, I see this sort of things with new movers to NH all the time.  Now that they live someplace where they can reasonably obtain a license and carry, plenty of people want both training and advice on how to make it work for their lifestyle.

Offline Roundabouts

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Re: Husband won't let wife concealed carry
« Reply #18 on: August 06, 2012, 12:07:19 PM »
Hmm...the businesswoman in me is wondering if there is a market here. Concealed carry parties instead of Tupperware parties?

You bet that is a good idea.  I don't do the party thing it drives me nuts. Holsters and learning you bet much better than make up and plastic crap.

Offline Roundabouts

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Re: Husband won't let wife concealed carry
« Reply #19 on: August 06, 2012, 12:13:47 PM »

 He actually argued that because she is a woman, she wouldn't have the demeanor to make an attacker stop. .

And there is your answer to why the resistance up front.  She is a woman. 

Offline callmesarah

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Re: Husband won't let wife concealed carry
« Reply #20 on: August 11, 2012, 08:43:45 PM »
Sounds like your sister-in-law needs more experience to me and some training done by a professional. Then when she wants or feels more confident in her abilities, (if she really wants) ask her hubby to take a handgun 1 course (a whole day class) with her. That might change his mind about her "abilities" to shoot attacker, they really focus on that point, especially with women.

Me and my husband both trained (with some guidance) for many months before my husband got his CPL. I followed soon after about a month after him and took his mother with me to the CPL female class.  ;)  his mom was totally anti-gun! lol
That was back in 2009, and I still carry every time I go out, me and the hubs even took the hand gun 1 class, that was really a nice training day.

Our three close male friends (all are married) are CPL holders and have been for years, the wives are supportive and cool with shooting guns but none of them want to carry  :o  I just don't understand it, even after all the long talks about "what if?" Kinda drives me nuts.... one of them even has her CPL and refuses to carry. I don't get it....
~Sarah

Offline trekker111

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Re: Husband won't let wife concealed carry
« Reply #21 on: August 11, 2012, 09:40:29 PM »
Sounds like BIL has some serious sexist stereotypes going on. I wonder if he feels that women shouldnt be LEOs as well. My humble opinion based off 11 years in law enforcement, is a criminal, especially a repeat criminal, is more afraid of an armed citizen than a cop, because they know exactly what lines they have to cross before we are justified in pulling the trigger. I have had subjects with a knife refuse to drop it, even when they are cornered, but drop it as soon as a taser comes out.

They also know that cops have a hundred things going through their head, that many ccw holders would be less likely to have, like where is the nearest cover, are their innocent bystanders, is the back ground clear, could the bullet ricochet, if so into what, is he within 21 feet, where is my back-up, is there a less lethal option?

The bottom line is that noone knows if they will pull the trigger until the day comes. And there is no set of criteria to determine if someone will or not.

I also dont remember any law that says she has to have her husbands permission, or blessing, to carry. She has a right to defend herself, and every legal option she has to even the playing field is a step worth taking. And hey, maybe if she stands up to him without backinf down.

MightyRunt

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Re: Husband won't let wife concealed carry
« Reply #22 on: August 12, 2012, 04:23:21 PM »

Offline cheryl1

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Re: Husband won't let wife concealed carry
« Reply #23 on: August 15, 2012, 06:16:29 AM »

I like that, just reposted it to Facebook. Thx

MightyRunt

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Re: Husband won't let wife concealed carry
« Reply #24 on: August 15, 2012, 05:49:53 PM »
It's a t-shirt available at cafe press http://www.cafepress.com/mf/33980631/gun-control_tshirt

Offline loyalty4eva

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Re: Husband won't let wife concealed carry
« Reply #25 on: September 14, 2012, 03:48:56 PM »
Her husband (a cop) says no because he doesn't think she can pull the trigger if she has to. His logic makes no sense to me.

His logic doesn't make sense to me either. Honestly she should just do it if she wants to. I mean even if she can't pull the trigger. Waving a gun at someone usually is enough to scare them half to death. But honestly most woman probably when the time comes to it will pull the trigger if they have to. People like this (cop) are the type of people we don't need in law in forcement I hate to say.

Offline cheryl1

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Re: Husband won't let wife concealed carry
« Reply #26 on: September 15, 2012, 05:33:28 AM »
He's a new cop, I hope he grows out of it. I have a hard time understanding his attitude though, because it was my husband that encouraged me to carry.

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Re: Husband won't let wife concealed carry
« Reply #27 on: September 18, 2012, 09:13:07 PM »
@cheryl1, if your sister lives near you, get into one of Frank Sharp Jr.'s courses with her from Fortress Defense (a TSP sponsor). Frank is well trained in addressing women's firearms training specifically (yes, we do learn differently).  I will personally vouch for his credibility, proficiency and professionalism.

If she is not near you and still want training this year have her check out the Ladies Only Handgun from Randy Cain of Cumberland Tactics to be held near Lakeland, FL on the weekend of November 10th & 11th. Again, I will personally vouch for this instructor. He is one of the best in the nation at teaching the fundamentals.  http://www.guntactics.com/schedule.htm

Offline busymomx3

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Re: Husband won't let wife concealed carry
« Reply #28 on: January 11, 2013, 08:03:13 PM »
I would say take her to the range if you can.  I agree with everyone that training is key.  I do think that support is a great thing to offer as well.  Her husband may come around to the idea if she is taking classes and learning to handle a weapon like he would.  I hope she is able to learn and protect herself.  I know I had no interest until recently and with kids at home and a hubby that travels I would rather learn to protect us.  I shouldn't rely only on my spouse to protect the family.  So I am going to the range, learning and becoming more comfortable.

Offline Twibble

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Re: Husband won't let wife concealed carry
« Reply #29 on: January 23, 2013, 01:32:40 PM »
Sounds like if she wanted to take some classes and get more experience shooting, then you would be supportive.

I am just curious where my BIL's resistance to her training. He actually argued that because she is a woman, she wouldn't have the demeanor to make an attacker stop. I said I know that, that's when bullets come in handy.

Sorry I'm coming into the conversation a bit late.

I'm actually a bit concerned that I won't pull the trigger if I need too...but based on my reactions in other situations, I'm willing to bet that I will (and, uh, Dad doesn't try to jump out and scare the crap out of me anymore...I broke his nose when I was younger).  I know that I will pull it if the kids are with me and they're in danger.  I think there are a lot of people who are concerned about whether they'd be able to pull the trigger. 

My question is, would he rather his wife at least have a CHANCE to avoid harm or not?  I figure that if somebody's willing to rape or rob me, there's already a distinct possibility that they're planning to kill me anyway, then go on to kill others.  I don't know that for certain, but part of my mindset is that by protecting myself, I'm also protecting any future possible victims.

I haven't met your sister-in-law.  I don't know if she's a spitfire or a pushover or something in between.  I don't know what she's capable of.  She probably doesn't know what she's capable of either, and apparently he doesn't want to know what she's capable of.

I've known guys who think I shouldn't carry because it's not "feminine".  They're threatened by the prospect of women who don't need men to protect them.  It makes them feel like they're not really being men and not fulfilling their roles.  My husband thinks it's sexy and has no issue with me carrying.