I truly hope you find something that works for you either by becomming able to use a firearm or by some other means. At the end of what I post here, I will post a few links to other tsp discussions that you may find helpful for viable non gun self defense and home defense.
The absolute most important tool you have for defending yourself you already have and have with you all the time. Almost. Its your mind. Specifically, situational awareness and threat assesment. These two things are far more important than a gun, can or mace, knife, stick, dog, or any other tool or item of self defense. Develope this, and not only will you make any tool you have more effective, increase your chance or surviving with not tools and most impotantly drastically reduce your chances of being in a confrontation or attack and having to physically defend yourself. This is far more effective than any weapon. It doesn't at all though detract from the utillity and need and effectiveness of various options. The are no less important in the situations that you need them. This just helps reduce you needing them.
I can't teach you situational awareness in a message board post and I won't try but I can tell you its just about as simple as it sounds. Be aware of your situation. All the time. As much of it as you can be aware of. Observe, asses, identify, and predict and act. In a loop. I said it was simple, but its not easy. There are resources you can research that expound on this subject and you should, it is the logic and most effective base of any self defense system. Period.
It will also give you more peace of mind and justified confidence than any weapon.
I won't go on too long with this but I will give you my opinion on a few effective non gun methods for self and home defense.
Home: harden your home. The idea isn't only to stop intruders, but also to slow down the more determined invader, cause them to alert you either with out with out knowing it and allowing you time to react in such a way to give you the advantage and to seek help. Or to attack. Door sentry is one of these methods and there are many others.
A dog if you are a dog person and can have one in your situation. Doesn't have to be a trained attack or protection or guard dog unless you want one. Just get a dog and go from there. Anything to be fairly intimidating if it gets it hackles up and can make a lot of noise when disturbed. This is NOT a magic bullet, I "broke" into a house (not illegally, I was told by an occupant in the house to force the door because it was stuck, it wasn't, it was locked and I went through the door) and his two really agressive dogs were sitting in the room I broke into didn't much more than look at me stupidly. A pit and akita. That being said, a dog is a very good way to increase your security. Two are even better because they tend to rile each other up more and make more noise.
Ditch the wasp spray as a go to method and stick to peper spray or some other industry approved defense spray as your primary and go to method. Its effective despite what some people say about it just not bothering them or not stopping a determined attack. There ARE documented cases of it not working very well or at all, this doesn't mean that on average it won't work. I have seen about two hundred people sprayed and been hit three times in training. I never saw anyone not get less agressive. It didn't stop some people, it did slow all of them down and make them less effective. And that is the purpose that tool is intended for. Expecting more out of it will dissapoint you. I will tell you that it is horrible. It sucks and while it might not stop me from continuing the attack if I was mad or determined enough, it would deffinitely put me at a severe disadvantage to someone at even only half my normal physical capability. It just like everything, is NOT a magic bullet and to be most effective, you should learn to use it as part of a system and not just depend on it to end an attack. Again there are resources for this on the net. The reason I say not to use the wasp spray as a go to method is simply a legal one. It could get you in trouble. Its worth the trouble if it saves your life so if its what you happen to have, or all you can have, then do what you have to.
A couple not at home self defense tips:
again a dog. You mentioned walking and that goes hand in hand with this.
Two: a good waist or chest high walking stick. Number one: its got prescense, if I had to choose between going toe to toe with a person with out a stick or a person with one, all other things being equal, I'm picking the one without a stick.
It doesn't have to be really thick or heavy. A good thing to do is replace the ferrule (metal tip that touches the ground) with a iron or steel pipe cap. Get one of a similar diameter to your stick and have your husband put it on if that's not something you can do.
That gives it a little more "meaningfullness" when you are "explaining" to someone that you want them to leave you alone. This is at least as effective as the baton and has the added benefit of being a normal unsuspicious item that is being used in your current activity of walking and will be in your hand before you need it. The baton may not be legal to carry everywhere, and you have to deploy it against someone who is actively attacking you.
The taser mentioned above is better than your stun gun in my experience for all the reasons mentioned above. The civilian model is probably the best and most ergonomic choice.
And pepper spray: go look up the asp key defender. This is a great pepper spray carry method.
There are many other great non gun methods I won't go into here because they have been covered in detail in other posts which I will link below.
All of the my above advice notwithstanding, I would like to encourage you to do whatever you can to be able to use a firearm. Its the higest level of force that is likely to be brought against you and being unable or unwilling to respond in kind puts you at a severe disadvantage.
I will you well robin and hope you find something to make you feel safer and actually help you defend yourself if need be.
The links: http://thesurvivalpodcast.com/forum/index.php?topic=31227.0 http://thesurvivalpodcast.com/forum/index.php?topic=31366.0 http://thesurvivalpodcast.com/forum/index.php?topic=4907.0 http://thesurvivalpodcast.com/forum/index.php?topic=10688.0 http://thesurvivalpodcast.com/forum/index.php?topic=34805.0 http://thesurvivalpodcast.com/forum/index.php?topic=24491.0
I hope these inspire and help you in your decisions.