Author Topic: Would you do this to save 500 a month?  (Read 3467 times)

Offline Roundabouts

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Would you do this to save 500 a month?
« on: November 13, 2012, 10:31:30 AM »
You guys know I tend to ramble so will just cut to the chase without details. 

Would you be willing to move in with your ex if  you could save $500-$700+ by doing so?   You each would have own living quarters yards for gardens space for animals if wanted.  Each own entrance.  The only thing shared besides expenses would be parking and laundry room. 
 

I figure it would be worth a shot for them to do this since jobs are iffy for both and money is extremely tight. The divorce was as friendly as can be.  If it didn't work out well enough the only thing lost would be the moving expenses.  Which would be made up if the living arrangement could last at least a few months.  Since I have not been through something like this it's hard to give advice to my friend.  Sometimes I think I would do this others I think oh NO way.  Saving money from expenses and the ability to grow own food vs living in an apartment?  What do you think?
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Offline Cooter Brown

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Re: Would you do this to save 500 a month?
« Reply #1 on: November 13, 2012, 10:33:14 AM »
One word: Contract
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Offline yodal

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Re: Would you do this to save 500 a month?
« Reply #2 on: November 13, 2012, 10:39:34 AM »
It depends on how long have you two been apart? Can both of you deal with the other bringing home a date? There's a lot of room here to have things get ugly. Saving money is ALWAYS a good thing, but will it be worth it....
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Offline Roundabouts

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Re: Would you do this to save 500 a month?
« Reply #3 on: November 13, 2012, 10:47:48 AM »
Yes I agree a contract would be needed. Great idea.


See I would not have thought about dating.  It's been 35 yrs since I went on a date lol so no wonder it didn't cross my mind.

Both very good points. 

thank you
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Offline Roundabouts

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Re: Would you do this to save 500 a month?
« Reply #4 on: November 13, 2012, 10:53:42 AM »
It seems to me that I heard on a show? news? web?  Somewhere that couples are sharing the house after divorce as opposed to one moving out? This is becoming more and more popular>  Something like that.   Maybe that was just because they were underwater so deep?  When I brought it up the response was ARE YOU CRAZY?   um yup maybe ::) 
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Offline Saint

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Re: Would you do this to save 500 a month?
« Reply #5 on: November 13, 2012, 11:00:51 AM »
I did something "similar" - moved in with a former roommate after we'd parted once in a previous life (fomer active duty found ourselves in the same city through mutual friends).
it was a known evil (D-bag) with a known end date (1 year lease) and known benefits (1/2 cost rent and utilities) in much closer living arrangements (common bathroom, kitchen and living room) - so the boundaries were set early.
had a few friends give me the "are you crazy?" but the bottom line is I saved $800/month for a year and walked away. It wasn't ideal, but it was a sacrifice for a period of time to get from one place to another.
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Offline The Professor

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Re: Would you do this to save 500 a month?
« Reply #6 on: November 13, 2012, 11:02:43 AM »
No.

It would cost me more for bail than the $500 I'd save a month.

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Offline livinitup0

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Re: Would you do this to save 500 a month?
« Reply #7 on: November 13, 2012, 11:19:11 AM »
No.

It would cost me more for bail than the $500 I'd save a month.

agreed... ex's are ex's for a reason.

i'd rather throw the dice with a relatively unkniown roomate than live with someone I absolutely know I wont get along with.

the situation described in the OP might work for some ex-couples... but definietly not for the majority imo.

Offline Roundabouts

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Re: Would you do this to save 500 a month?
« Reply #8 on: November 13, 2012, 11:20:01 AM »
I did something "similar" - moved in with a former roommate after we'd parted once in a previous life (fomer active duty found ourselves in the same city through mutual friends).
it was a known evil (D-bag) with a known end date (1 year lease) and known benefits (1/2 cost rent and utilities) in much closer living arrangements (common bathroom, kitchen and living room) - so the boundaries were set early.
had a few friends give me the "are you crazy?" but the bottom line is I saved $800/month for a year and walked away. It wasn't ideal, but it was a sacrifice for a period of time to get from one place to another.

See that's what I was looking at.  Not the best situation but a means to an end.  Almost 10k is nothing to sneeze at.  Plus the ability of growing your own food and stocking up.  I know this is unconventional but as long as you don't kill each other.  ;)  Might be hard but seems you could buck up for a year or so.  Since it was not a go for blood divorce. But I have not been there so what do I know ???   Maybe the bail would be to expensive  ;)
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Offline 16onRockandRoll

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Re: Would you do this to save 500 a month?
« Reply #9 on: November 13, 2012, 11:43:03 AM »
It TOTALLY depends on the people. I know people who could pull this off without a hitch, and part ways a year or two later better friends for it. And I know people that would literally try and kill each other within hours.
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Offline Adam B.

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Re: Would you do this to save 500 a month?
« Reply #10 on: November 13, 2012, 11:53:17 AM »
I've heard of people doing this before. Some people can tolerate it, others can't.

One of my best friends was living in Alaska and did the same thing (sort of) by moving in and sharing a nice apartment with an ex-girlfriend. There was no marriage or divorce involved, but same concept.

They got along fairly well, but in the end she was one of the major reasons he was sick of that living situation. There were other contributing factors, but I have seen this situation play out many times. A lot of times it is a couple who decide to move in together for a "trial run" and decide they are going to break up — yet neither of them can afford to move out.

Personally I could NEVER live with an ex-girlfriend or wife. I would live in a cardboard box under a bridge before I ever lived with an ex, or moved back home to mommy's house.
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Offline LibertyBelle

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Re: Would you do this to save 500 a month?
« Reply #11 on: November 13, 2012, 01:24:41 PM »
My parents have had separate living quarters in the same house for going on 30 years. Despite his numerous affairs (most were prior to the "separation"), they have forgone getting a divorce due to:

1) cost and otherwise forced division of assets, on his behalf
2) religion, on her behalf
3) much cheaper cost of living for both
4) just less hassle in general (according to both)
and IMHO,
5) more than just a bit of nostalgia, as they build the house together in their 20's and I don't thing neither want to give it up.

They do share laundry room, although each does his/her own laundry.  The walk-out basement (his quarters) contains a full kitchen, dining room, living room, full bath, laundry room and two bedrooms (that's where we lived when I was little until we could afford to build the main floor).  Her quarters contains the same as the basement, although the layout is exact opposite and it has another bedroom in place of the laundry room. There is a double-lock door in the stairway that separates the two.     

Occasionally one will ask the other if they need anything from the store if going and are cordial when in the same room together (if it's not for more than a couple of hours), but basically they live their own lives, ignoring each other for the most part.  So I guess it can work for some people.
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Offline Roundabouts

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Re: Would you do this to save 500 a month?
« Reply #12 on: November 13, 2012, 03:34:20 PM »
Wow LibertyBelle please don't take this the wrong way.  But dang that sounds like an almost ideal situation. Sometimes  I would love to say ok honey I'm going home now I've had enough.  Go into my own sanctuary in my own 1/2 of the house.  That could come in handy.  Or could come in handy for guests or the *gulping and cringing*   inlaws. 

Now that could be a much better use of our lay out.  Since we only use 1/2 of the house any way.  The other 1/2 well just collects dust.  Was thinking about doing an atrium or something but this give me more ideas. 

Of course I know if I ever even mentioned something like that to my friend she would shoot me dead on the spot.  lol ;) 

Just goes to show there are more than one way of doing things and to each his / her own.  Glad it worked for them. 
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Offline LibertyBelle

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Re: Would you do this to save 500 a month?
« Reply #13 on: November 13, 2012, 10:29:54 PM »
Wow LibertyBelle please don't take this the wrong way.  But dang that sounds like an almost ideal situation.

Don't worry, I'm not...and it's really not a bad arrangement. ;D 
And since that's all the grandkids have known, they like how they never have to spend most of their holidays in the vehicle while we're driving to 4 separate grandparents homes and cutting the visits short in order to fit everyone in, like many of their friends have to do.  It's really a win-win-win situation.  ;)
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Offline Bennington1776

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Re: Would you do this to save 500 a month?
« Reply #14 on: November 13, 2012, 11:01:53 PM »
For me it would be a no.  I have to agree with livinitup0 "ex's are ex's for a reason"

I have read or saw on TV that there are several senior citizens that are getting divorced and then moving back in with one another as a way to save against the complications of needing assisted care later on and the drain on their savings by medicare or medicaid.  I can not speak matter of factly because it has been so long but it went something like joint assets were at stake if one needed to go into assisted living and there was nothing you could do to shelter your home or cash assets.

Offline AngusBangus

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Re: Would you do this to save 500 a month?
« Reply #15 on: November 14, 2012, 02:55:20 PM »
See that's what I was looking at.  Not the best situation but a means to an end.  Almost 10k is nothing to sneeze at.  Plus the ability of growing your own food and stocking up.  I know this is unconventional but as long as you don't kill each other.  ;)  Might be hard but seems you could buck up for a year or so.  Since it was not a go for blood divorce. But I have not been there so what do I know ???   Maybe the bail would be to expensive  ;)
If the divorce was amicable... "we just aren't right" and they can handle being with each other, sure. But they should definitely consider the aspects of living next to someone they know intimately who they will no longer know intimately and instead only neighborly. Dating others certainly comes up... but what about hanging out with each other again. Obviously they were once attracted to each other, so it's rolling around somewhere in both noggins. For example, grilling out in the summer turns into sharing a bottle of wine turns into friends exes with benefits or worse... exes with a walk of shame the next morning after both hit their internal HolyPoopWhat'dIDo buttons. And I don't care who HE is... he is probably thinking somewhere in the back of one of brains... maybe, just maybe we can hook up with no strings attached. That would probably be on the bad side of a long-term workable solution.

In the end, though, $10k is $10k. I suppose I could live with even the nuttiest girls I dated in the past for a year if someone gave me 10 large. (Wife reading this disclaimer: hypothetically if I was in a single-living situation for whatever reason ;) )
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Offline Roundabouts

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Re: Would you do this to save 500 a month?
« Reply #16 on: November 14, 2012, 03:57:12 PM »
LOL maybe that would be something to put into the contract. ;)

   They are fairly decent to each other and it was amicable.  I know they are exes for a reason but still I'm thinking why not try it.  You can always move out.  Looks like they may move in with their adult children.   :o  At least she is thinking that is an option.  I just keep saying yeah but…. how would you feel if YOUR mom moved in with you.  A visit with a suit case is one thing but a full blown move in?  Might be different if there were grandkids.  But shoot we are talking newlyweds here.  I said I would rather see you bring an RV and park it somewhere on our property before you did that.  Which would be fine except we are friends with both and well would have to extend the offer to both.  Which would mean they would be living together any way if they both accepted.  So guys move back into your house it's not selling any way.


Shoot they could park it on their property and one take the house and one take the RV.  Course I know that would cause friction because they would both want an RV.  So get two.  Still cheaper than rent and utility  bills.  One take the east side one take the west side of the property  then maybe the kids would want to rent the house out or something.  Or save it for a guest house?  B&B?  All she wants to know is what I am smoken and where do I come up with all these hair brained ideas.   Hey what can I say just because they are unconventional.  I know I don't have all the details but I don't think they really wanted to get divorced in the first place.  I think they just needed a time out. 

All this got me thinking IF I was in this situation, I think I would just build some space in the barn.  ;D ;)  Have my shop and animals right there close.  lol  Shoot that's what I wanted to do in the first place then build our house as we had the cash.  But NOOOOO the smarter bet was to have a 30 yr mortgage.  Sure am glad I put my foot down to a huge house.  No way did I want something that was a mc mansion.   Now that I think about it an RV might just be the man cave to push hubby into so I can have space.  Definatly will have something like that before he retires. lol  ;) ;)

(Don't worry honey 5th wheels are nice and we can stock the fridge and put in a big screen.  Set you up with all your reloading stuff some game gear & you are good to go)
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Offline Oil Lady

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Re: Would you do this to save 500 a month?
« Reply #17 on: November 14, 2012, 04:08:55 PM »
About 15 years ago, the divorced Dutchess Sarah Ferguson moved back in with her ex-husabnd Prince Andrew at their custom-built private mansion called Sunnnghill Park. She did so in order to climb herself out of debt. (And I am of the understanding that not only did this arrangment eventually fail, but she never did get out of debt. Ever.)

He quietly moved out of Sunninghill Park very early on during this arrangement, and then he rarely stopped by much except to get the girls, Princess Beatrice and Princess Eugenie, during his weekends with them.  But still, he had the luxury to live in a fairly broad assortment of royal elsewheres, including Buckingham Palace itself. 




::ETA::

 
Current "view-count" for this thread --with just 17 replies-- is at 374.

So ...

Cue the sudden triggering of an insanely high "view-count" for this thread, prompted by copious search results from all over the English-speaking world which are zeroing-in on the names of various royal family members and their private homes ... 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... 



;)
« Last Edit: November 14, 2012, 04:16:13 PM by Oil Lady »
"This is the first scenario I've seen where I question the survivability of mankind." -- self-made billionaire Richard Rainwater in his business analysis of Peak Oil, "The Rainwater Prophecy," Fortune magazine, Dec 26, 2005

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"... it doesn’t really matter who is removing your civil liberties, whether it is being done by a democratic government, a kleptocracy, a dictatorship or even the green police. When your civil rights are gone, they’re gone, and you really are in trouble, no matter how good the cause." --UK journalist Anthony Harrington, "Peak Oil and Collapse Scenarios," QFinance, September, 2011

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And now our kids say, "Don't worry, the government will take care of us."

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Offline Roundabouts

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Re: Would you do this to save 500 a month?
« Reply #18 on: November 14, 2012, 04:16:04 PM »
Shoot oillady I sure would want you on my team if playing trivial pursuit  ;)   
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Offline Oil Lady

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Re: Would you do this to save 500 a month?
« Reply #19 on: November 14, 2012, 04:21:50 PM »
Shoot oillady I sure would want you on my team if playing trivial pursuit  ;)

I'm usually pretty good at TP except for the category called "Sports & Leisure." (Not much of a sports fan here.)  That's when you need to round out the team by having a die-hard sports nut on your side.

And being good at trivia runs in the family. My mom was on Jeopardy! years ago (no she didn't win--everyone always asks if she won, and she didn't because even though she was the only one to get the Final Jeopardy answer correct, she didn't bet enough to win --but by golly, she was on it).   
"This is the first scenario I've seen where I question the survivability of mankind." -- self-made billionaire Richard Rainwater in his business analysis of Peak Oil, "The Rainwater Prophecy," Fortune magazine, Dec 26, 2005

"This is an emergency far worse than World War I and World War II put together." -- CEO of Virgin Airlines, Sir Richard Branson on Peak Oil in CNN's investigative report "We Were Warned: Out of Gas" June 2007/May 2008 03:05

"We've got provisions and lots of beer. The key word is survival on the new frontier." --Steely Dan 1983

"... it doesn’t really matter who is removing your civil liberties, whether it is being done by a democratic government, a kleptocracy, a dictatorship or even the green police. When your civil rights are gone, they’re gone, and you really are in trouble, no matter how good the cause." --UK journalist Anthony Harrington, "Peak Oil and Collapse Scenarios," QFinance, September, 2011

Our parents used to say, "Don't worry, the government will take care of it."
And now our kids say, "Don't worry, the government will take care of us."

No food shall be grown that Monsanto does not own. (It all started with the disastrous 1980 SCOTUS ruling on Diamond v Chakrabarty. Petition your Congressman to revoke all patents on living things.)

"The nation that destroys its soil destroys itself." FDR 1937

The Tin Foil Hat Song by the League of Lady Conspiracists

Offline Roundabouts

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Re: Would you do this to save 500 a month?
« Reply #20 on: November 14, 2012, 04:45:16 PM »
Shoot Jeopardy?! Impressive  I don't even know the answers after I hear them.  ;)  Sports I am not good at & don't follow.  Some how every once in a blue moon I will pop out an answer that is correct and wonder where the heck that came from.   It can be in sports literature plays politics science what ever and pop out comes the answer.  Shocks me every time.  It's the joke she saw it on a show.  MacGivar (spelling) or Star Trek.  lol  One time in one game I answered a Shakespeare boxing and golf question.  Knock me over with a feather. :o
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Offline Oil Lady

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Re: Would you do this to save 500 a month?
« Reply #21 on: November 14, 2012, 05:51:07 PM »
Sounds like you're a natural! :)
"This is the first scenario I've seen where I question the survivability of mankind." -- self-made billionaire Richard Rainwater in his business analysis of Peak Oil, "The Rainwater Prophecy," Fortune magazine, Dec 26, 2005

"This is an emergency far worse than World War I and World War II put together." -- CEO of Virgin Airlines, Sir Richard Branson on Peak Oil in CNN's investigative report "We Were Warned: Out of Gas" June 2007/May 2008 03:05

"We've got provisions and lots of beer. The key word is survival on the new frontier." --Steely Dan 1983

"... it doesn’t really matter who is removing your civil liberties, whether it is being done by a democratic government, a kleptocracy, a dictatorship or even the green police. When your civil rights are gone, they’re gone, and you really are in trouble, no matter how good the cause." --UK journalist Anthony Harrington, "Peak Oil and Collapse Scenarios," QFinance, September, 2011

Our parents used to say, "Don't worry, the government will take care of it."
And now our kids say, "Don't worry, the government will take care of us."

No food shall be grown that Monsanto does not own. (It all started with the disastrous 1980 SCOTUS ruling on Diamond v Chakrabarty. Petition your Congressman to revoke all patents on living things.)

"The nation that destroys its soil destroys itself." FDR 1937

The Tin Foil Hat Song by the League of Lady Conspiracists

Offline JC2

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Re: Would you do this to save 500 a month?
« Reply #22 on: November 15, 2012, 08:12:43 AM »
I've got three divorces under my belt and i won't live in the same city as them. Of course i've never considered i might have been the problem:)
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Offline osubuckeye4

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Re: Would you do this to save 500 a month?
« Reply #23 on: November 15, 2012, 09:39:02 AM »
Really depends on the people involved.


There are ex's of mine from the past that I wouldn't live with under these circumstances. I wouldn't live with them if you doubled the amount I would be saving, because I know that they are legitimately crazy and I couldn't put up with their nonsense.

That being said, there are other ex's who I would have no problem doing this with because I know that we've both moved on. I'd be 100% confident that they would be respectful of me and my family and I know that I would be respectful of them and whomever they happened to be dating at the time.



I suppose it really comes down to how civil and respectful each party is of the other.

Unfortunately, there's no clear cut answer to this, it all comes down to the personal situation.

Offline flippydidit

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Re: Would you do this to save 500 a month?
« Reply #24 on: November 17, 2012, 03:37:16 AM »
I know ahead of time that this wouldn't work for me personally.  It may work for the two you have in mind, depending on the things others have pointed out.  If I were put into that position with my ex-wife, I would immediately see it as an opportunity to effectuate any one of many possible "mortal accidents".

So.....maybe it would work out for at least me.......

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Offline Alan Georges

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Re: Would you do this to save 500 a month?
« Reply #25 on: November 17, 2012, 07:49:49 AM »
So.....maybe it would work out for at least me.......

 :deadhorse:    <-----------Moderators, please replace horse with psycho, manipulative parasite.  Thank you.

Yeah.  $500/month wouldn't even begin to pay for all the Visine I'd need from sleeping with one eye open.
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Offline Rob_Cleveland

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Re: Would you do this to save 500 a month?
« Reply #26 on: February 03, 2013, 03:08:33 AM »
Absolutely NOT!!! There is a reason they are now an Ex! That reason not going to change because of any contract or agreement.

Offline Oil Lady

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Re: Would you do this to save 500 a month?
« Reply #27 on: February 03, 2013, 05:42:21 AM »
Absolutely NOT!!! There is a reason they are now an Ex! That reason not going to change because of any contract or agreement.


Hell hath no fury....


(Yeah I know. I tend to repeat myself.)
"This is the first scenario I've seen where I question the survivability of mankind." -- self-made billionaire Richard Rainwater in his business analysis of Peak Oil, "The Rainwater Prophecy," Fortune magazine, Dec 26, 2005

"This is an emergency far worse than World War I and World War II put together." -- CEO of Virgin Airlines, Sir Richard Branson on Peak Oil in CNN's investigative report "We Were Warned: Out of Gas" June 2007/May 2008 03:05

"We've got provisions and lots of beer. The key word is survival on the new frontier." --Steely Dan 1983

"... it doesn’t really matter who is removing your civil liberties, whether it is being done by a democratic government, a kleptocracy, a dictatorship or even the green police. When your civil rights are gone, they’re gone, and you really are in trouble, no matter how good the cause." --UK journalist Anthony Harrington, "Peak Oil and Collapse Scenarios," QFinance, September, 2011

Our parents used to say, "Don't worry, the government will take care of it."
And now our kids say, "Don't worry, the government will take care of us."

No food shall be grown that Monsanto does not own. (It all started with the disastrous 1980 SCOTUS ruling on Diamond v Chakrabarty. Petition your Congressman to revoke all patents on living things.)

"The nation that destroys its soil destroys itself." FDR 1937

The Tin Foil Hat Song by the League of Lady Conspiracists

Offline AngusBangus

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Re: Would you do this to save 500 a month?
« Reply #28 on: February 04, 2013, 12:45:07 PM »
This thread inspired me to act...
So on a similar note, my wife and I sold our house. I've moved her and our 3 kids into my parents' house with a planned stay of about a year. So we're saving over $3000 a month that is being applied to debt and liquid stockpile rather than going toward a mortgage.

I suppose an Ex is just a small step above in-laws, but my wife is dealing with it pretty well. The kids LOVE it and our 13in13 progress is rocking along since we're living in the country for a while and have grandaddy to work with us building fires, building beehives, and the whole family to garden. I'll report back if my wife kills me. :)
"Bureaucracy doesn’t rhyme with idiocy and lunacy for no reason, my friend." - AngusBangus 2014

The 4Bs of Anthood:
Bullets - Check
Beans
   Short Term - Check
   Long Term - Whole lotta work to do, but growing every day.
Bandages - Almost to "comfortable minimum"
Brotherhood - Creating community one conversation at a time


Offline DebinMass

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Re: Would you do this to save 500 a month?
« Reply #29 on: February 05, 2013, 10:11:05 AM »
A word of caution.   I am not sure about the other 49 States, but in Massachusetts, time spent living together can be construed as a supportive relationship and a good lawyer might be able to turn this into alimony if you tried to move on.  Massachusetts had significant changes to their alimony laws in March of 2012 and the results have been some very odd interpretation by judges.

In a perfect world we would be able to get a divorce and be done with it, but many states the law is screwed up.   Be very careful that what you are about to enter into can't be viewed as you contributing to her/his support or your effort to save some money might cost you dearly.

Deb