A lot of good and well taken points in all of these replies. I thank you for the insights, advice and tough 'love', if it can be called that...
I have come to rely on TSP for sane and inspirational ideas, and I want to be part of this community. So, I appreciate that everyone didnt freak out on me and tell me to take a hike.
Still trying to source some stock, but using more patience and less urgency in my quest.
I feel stupid for freaking out on the forum, but hey, texting, calling emailing and 'posting' are not advised when one is upset. Lesson learned.
More important lesson learned tho, is to buy things you feel you might need, even if you dont think you can use them at the moment.
Stock and prep, stock and prep, repeat.